You suffer when you hate

“What the ego doesn’t want us to see is that our pain doesn’t come from the love we weren’t given in the past, but from the love we ourselves aren’t giving in the present.”

-Marianne Williamson

“If I think I’m unkind to you, I’m not comfortable within myself. I cause my own suffering, and I stop for my own sake. I take care of myself, and in that you, too, are taken care of. My kindness ultimately has nothing to do with you. We’re all responsible for our own peace.”

-Byron Katie

Marianne Williamson’s quote based on the teachings of “a course in miracles” stopped me in my tracks when I read it in my most favorite book “A return to love”; the only book I got copies from to gift to my friends.

Did it occur to you that when we are in pain in any of our relationships, feeling hurt and hate, withdrawing into ourselves and stonewalling the other, that it’s not because of what the other did or said? Not really. It’s because when that situation happened we took a decision. The decision to close our heart to them. To stop being loving and kind to them. They don’t “deserve” our love, we concluded. Let them feel how much they would miss our love.

This decision of closing the flow of love is one that is guaranteed to hurt the decision-maker first and foremost. We are in pain because we are blocking the natural state of our hearts that are supposed to be open to life and love all the time. Otherwise, we suffer.

Here is where Byron’s quote comes in, from her amazing book that I just finished “loving what is” -can’t believe how late I discovered this book but then again maybe this is the most ready version of myself for it- she’s saying when I am kind to you, it’s out of self-interest, I’m doing myself a favor when I speak nicely to you! If I’m unkind to you, however, this idea of “not being a kind person” will cause me very unnecassary suffering. Is it worth it?

Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean we keep unhealthy drama in our lives, we still let them go when it’s the right thing. But keeping our heart open means we wish them well far away from us. Easier said than done. We can’t do it without mindfulness and intention and most importantly faith in a power greater than our own.

As Katie says, we’re responsible for own peace of mind. So we keep re-opening our hearts no matter how hard the ego convinces us not to and lies to us that we would be better off . We act kindly and generously, because that’s who we are. We fail and go back to our old belief that hate works, then wake up and start again. We remove the blocks to love one mindful moment at a time and we turn them into bridges of connection. We return to love.

You suffer when you hate


When I was in my early twenties I used to be subscriber of “O, the Oprah magazine” and received it on monthly basis in our mailbox. Now, I’m a subscriber to the digital version of it. Not as enjoyable, but definitely more accessible.

One of the themes of an issue back then was “authenticity”. All columnists and contributors wrote their perspective on it and how they embodied it in their life. I was really intrigued by this topic because the closest term I knew that resembled it was “just be yourself” at the time.

Almost a decade later, I think I am starting to really get it. Authenticity is revealing nd acting as your true self unapologetically.

How does that practically look like in my life?

Before I got more comfortable with my self I used to shy away from sharing my opinion about something fearing I would not look cool. What life taught me and the aweosme Brené Brown uncovered in her book “The gifts of imperfection” is this “Cool is an emotional straightjacket; it prevents emotional growth and movement”. Acting cool is like hiding yourself just to fit in. I’m pretty sure we agree that childhood and peer pressure in school has a lot to do with it for most of us.

I used to go out to places I didn’t like just to see the gang, now if I prefer to stay home and sleep early I say that. I don’t worry as much what others might think of me. If I didn’t like a certain event or movie I just say that while before I really worried about disagreeing with others. It felt like all I wanted was to get along with them and be on the same page. Otherwise it would feel too weird and maybe lonely.

Even sharing with others that I wake up at 5am to journal and have my own time feels like a huge leap of authenticity. I get the casual “you’re crazy to do that”. I explain it only to people who really want to know more. I don’t need to do that with everyone because not everyone has earned the right to hear my story. Even recognizing that is huge milestone in how I express myself and to whom.

Still learning how to be true to my self. How to say No to things that don’t fit who I see myself becoming while also being braver in saying Yes to growth opportunities.

I thought before that my opinion about something was still immature because I still needed to learn more and read more. So I didn’t have so many clear ideas about where I stood regarding some topics. Maybe that was really what I needed at the time. But now I’m better at taking stands and believing myself and hearing my own voice.

It’s really a work in progress but I can’t be everything for everyone and I’m really just realizing it.


This is a prayer

Not my usual kind of posts.

It is a prayer to God to send more people my way whom I can have with those fire-in-heart-setting conversations. More of those people please, dear God. They remind me of what I love about myself and my life and how helpful we can be to each other when we are on the same path. Some of us are far ahead and some are just starting but we respect where we are in our paths and learn and teach one another.

Thank you dear God for giving me the gift of recognizing my tribe. It started by showing the world who I am and they responded by showing up everywhere. My beautiful tribe. Now I know you. Grateful for you. My journey is richer because of you.

More Please. More.

This is a prayer

A thief lives in your house

Your smartphone has two jobs.

On one hand, it was hired by you to accomplish certain tasks. In the scheme of things, it’s a screaming bargain and a miracle.

But most of the time, your phone works for corporations, assorted acquaintances and large social networks. They’ve hired it to put you to work for them. You’re not the customer, you’re the product. Your attention and your anxiety is getting sold, cheap.

When your phone grabs your attention, when it makes you feel inadequate, when it pushes you to catch up, to consume and to fret, it’s not working for you, is it?

On demand doesn’t mean you do things when the device demands.

by Seth Godin

Reading this reminded me that I think of my phone as the morning thief. Yes. I use it in the morning for sharing one photo of my coffee or journal for example and this turns into a chat or automatic scrolling and before I know it 17 minutes of my precious morning routine have passed.

Since I’m starting the year with a being off from work for few days, I decided to do some kind of digital detox by turning off ALL phone notifications, all those whistles and breaking news that steal away my limited attention whenever I reach out for my phone to do a simple task like googling something. This is an easy option on my android. I only kept sms notifications because people who know me know it’s best to sms me if they think it’s important as they would get a response faster.

One less drastic way to complete my morning routine without being sneaked on by my phone is to keep it out of the room while I’m working or out of sight as some research suggests. At the same time I keep a handy notebook or small stack of post-its by me to write down reminders I need to set on the phone or calls I need to make or things I absolutely feel the need to search after I finish. Some call such notes the distractions lists. I take these notes with me or take a photo of them when I retrieve my phone after I’m done with the my priority tasks. Some “urgent” notes I wrote feel silly after I check them later. That’s how our mind works to avoid important focused work.

I’m sharing this so you would consider becoming more mindful about your own usage and think for a moment who’s really being used whenever you interact with your device. Maybe you will find some ways that work for you like I did.

A thief lives in your house

It’s almost December

Be careful of the thoughts you get this time of year. Yes, you worked hard all year. Yes you deserve those things you wished but kept postponing,  yes you have more responsibilities next year and you’re wondering “if not now, then when?”

This is your frantic ego mind, nagging you to take care of yourself  by acquiring more, “come on, this is the last window you have, it’s the end of the year so before you know it you’ll be getting gifts for everybody else!” it says. And you fall for it, as if your wishlist  will disappear by Jan 1st. As if those cravings will not be replaced by new ones sooner than you think possible. “Wow, it would feel really great to start the new year having this notebook and those candles and that outfit. It will match the new me”. At least, this is my internal dialogue every year.

The above was a draft I wrote last year and didn’t publish. Maybe, because -counter to my own advice- I did all the above and got a lot of what was on my wishlist.  However, a reminder I set up last year showed up on my phone at the end of October telling me: “your december expenses are the triple of any other month, so plan accordingly”. Yes, I set reminders one year in advance to avoid going crazy and forget all the commitments I already have without wishlist shopping. It was really helpful to be more mindful about my expenses while enjoying this magical time of year.

Funny, however, how the same thoughts I wrote are running again in my mind so I totally got hooked by a marketing message for a makeup set playing along the same thought lines, “Best year ever, 2018” the tagline stated. Well, yes! I will get the makeup bag that will help my next year be the best ever, thank you very much. I was mindful about how the message resonated with my end-of-year trend but did it anyway. The message and gold packaging indeed closed the sale for me.  Being aware of something is different than acting on it, I admit. So I’m going to read my advice again and take it slow and buy what I really love and  already planned for, like saving on kids’ outfits on black friday.

Getting new calendars and journal for the new year is also one of my favorite pre-planned things to do. I’m already all set up with Ausitn Kleon’s wall calendar and Gretchen Rubin’s page-a-day calendar because they accompanied me in 2017 which is a year I am deeply grateful for. They are now symbols I love to have on my desk to remind me of what matters, but that’s another post.

It’s almost December

No Snooze Challenge-an update

It is not a challenge anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

I wake up at 4:30 am on weekdays and at 5 am (max) in weekends.

I do this because I can’t afford not to do it. This is the time I feed my mind and spirit and take care of my body to be prepared for the day.

My current routine is as follows, I hope it helps you create your own:

  1. Read one lesson from a course in miracles and a year of miracles by Marianne Williamson.
  2. Do 3 sets of power breathing, 20 breaths each.
  3. Do a 15-minute sitting meditation.
  4. Do a 7-minute exercise of yoga stretching (still shy on this part as I believe it could use more focus from me) and jumping jacks if I’m still sleepy.
  5. Have my coffee while starting my 20 minutes of journaling which consist of the below:
    1. Read one entry of the daily stoic by Ryan Holiday
    2. Write the morning gratitude entry in “The Five-Minute Journal
    3. Write a one sentence entry about each of my 2 kids in the one-sentence journal for mothers by Grtechen Rubin (second year to do this, one journal for each kid).
    4. Write a one-page entry about my dominant thoughts and the happenings of the previous day in my Moleskine daily diary.
  6. The next 20 minutes are dedicated for making progress in reading. I read one or two books at a time, 10 minutes each. I started recently to rely on number of pages to read per book, so If I want to finish a certain book within a month I need to read x pages a day.
  7. The next and final 20 minutes in my routine are dedicated for learning by doing, so I aim at moving forward in some courses I subscribed to. Current focus is The Marketing Seminar by Seth Godin, so I watch the lessons’ videos and do the homework.

I sometimes use the last 20 minutes to read and update my goals and set reminders and the to-do list for the day. I love that I have a longer time during weekends which I usually use to read more and reflect on the past week’s entries and achievements (ideally).

After that I feel so energetic and satisfied and ready to wake up my family to start the routine of leaving the house and facing the day.

When does the morning routine fail?

  • It fails if I check my email or social media, I get absorbed by them and minutes get stolen from one of the above steps. Solution? keep the mobile out of reach during all this. I use it to read the morning spiritual entries and to time my mediation and then leave it on the yoga mat usually.
  •  It doesn’t feel as good to wake up if I sleep less than 6 hours the night before, therefore I need to prepare for it every night by respecting my bedtime.


When does it work best?

  • If you have a 5 am club like the one I joined, a group of people who share the same interest and wake up at the same time, so we say good morning to each other through this club (group)  and go about our routine. It makes you feel less alone and less inclined to go back to bed.
  • If you believe that all successful people have this in common: they wake up before the world does to work on their personal development goals.



No Snooze Challenge-an update

What does Audible have to do with Traffic?


See, I have an average of 40 minutes commute to and from work. In 2014, I started using Audible application on my mobile while driving, and it was one of the smartest things I have done. My library consists mainly of self- development, psychology and business books. My life has changed with all those books. They were my companions during travel that I barely listen to radio anymore

I tried to listen to short fictional story once,  the narration was great but I  prefer this genre on  paper and kindle. Audible is fully packed with the best seller novels nonetheless if interested.

If you haven’t heard of it before, Audible is a company owned by Amazon with the mission to “Unleash the power of the Spoken Word”  where you can find over 180K titles narrated by world-class narrators.

With my schedule, which is mostly like yours, the best way to get so much reading done is audible and I’m happy to have few friends and family members take my advice to use it.

New to audible? or thinking about joining? Here are my tips for a great and lifelong experience:

  1. The first book is free. If you like the experience you can subscribe for 14.95$ monthly which gives you one credit that allows to buy any book on audible no matter the price. If you see books much cheaper you can also buy them directly and enrich your library and save your credit for something else.
  2. Read book reviews before buying an audio book. Not just on audible, but also on goodreads to see if the content is worth your time not just the narration quality.
  3. Browse your favorite subjects and top rated books in your preferred genre and start with them first then experiment with not so famous books to get the habit going rather than getting discouraged by some titles. (I highly recommend to start with any book by Seth Godin or Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability)
  4. Speed up or slow the narration according to your preference and how you perceive the narrator. Many books felt much better when I sped up the narration by 1.2X
  5. Add audible shortcut to mobile home menu so you’ll start listening as soon as you get into the car
  6. If you don’t like a book you can return it. I did it only once because I thought the topic of the book would be different when I bought it.
  7. When you finish a book (self-development or  business type books), don’t start a new one immediately.  I recommend to do a quick re-listen. It has to be a fast one (1.1 or more) to review the key concepts and get them to stick, especially that you sometimes get distracted and paragraphs get read that you don’t even remember going through the first time. I didn’t do this until a couple of months ago and it made all the difference. Usually, I can’t wait to start another book after listening to one book for couple of weeks but trust me, this would do wonders to help you learn new ideas.
  8. Subscribe to audible’ s daily deal to get notified about discounted books for the day. So you can get books without waiting for your monthly credit.
  9. Add books to your wish list and audible will notify you if it’s on sale by email.
  10. Their customer care chat is very helpful, use it if needed.
  11. Ask for titles on audible that you can’t find and maybe they will consider your request. For example , I had all Zig Ziglar series and one was missing  ( I think it was the goals program) so  I asked about it. Few weeks later I found they added it. I’d like to believe i had something to do with it.
  12. Try the great courses series, lectures by great professors on various interesting topics.  my favorites topics are business and psychology.
  13. If you have  a book on kindle and you’re so into it that can’t stop reading it you have the option to buy the audible version at a reduced price if you see “whispersync for voice-ready” and the narration will start where you left off in your kindle
  14. You can also listen to podcasts, news on your audible. Choose your favorite channels and you can listen to nuggets of wisdom or humors segments everyday  like HBR ideacast and  TED talks. There are even audible original series which I still haven’t got the chance to listen to.
  15. You can bookmark audio segments you like and share them with your friends. I particularly do that for parenting books.
  16. I recommend not getting carried away by purchasing many books and take it one book at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed.
  17. I enjoy listening while doing some mundane house chores, that way I’m always learning.
  18. Getting a Bluetooth headset also really enhance my listening experience.
What does Audible have to do with Traffic?