advice

The Subtle Signals: How to Know When You’re Off Track

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How do you know you are off track? 

What are the signs that you are not at your best, out of shape, or not doing well?

This is a list of what my goals group shared when I asked this question, and I added some of my own: 

  • Clutter at home or office.
  • Food rotting in the fridge.
  • Ordering Junk Food/Takeout.
  • Laundry accumulates and, if done, remains on the couch for days.
  • Skipping positive practices like gratitude journaling.
  • Forgetfulness.
  • Pains in your body.
  • Getting sick again.
  • Not going out in the sun.
  • Not walking or moving body.
  • Feeling sleepy most of the time and dragging oneself to places.
  • Skipping skin routines.
  • Skipping showers.
  • Oversleeping more than usual.
  • Not answering other people’s messages for days.
  • Not initiating contact with other people.
  • Forgetting what it means to feel inspired by an idea.
  • No curiosity or excitement.
  • No music in your life.
  • Easily irritable.
  • Snapping at others.
  • Road rage.

What are your signs that you are off track? 

Define your list, and when you notice one of the signs, let it trigger you to ask yourself, “What do you need?” over and over, and then wait for the answer.

After that, take action.

I love to ask myself this question on paper and write whatever comes to mind.

Sometimes, the answer is to ask for help. 

The Subtle Signals: How to Know When You’re Off Track

Enhance Your Downtime: Try Effortful Fun

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I read Tranquility by Tuesday last year, and this idea stuck with me: “Effortful Fun Before Effortless Fun.”

The most straightforward kind of leisure time is, of course, scrolling on our phones or watching something, so Laura Venderkam argues that we can add a little bit of effortful fun when we feel too exhausted to do anything productive before using our screens every evening. For example, why not read a book for a few minutes, work on a puzzle, or get some crochet stitches done before? It’s like a small pre-requisite; you can’t check social media until you read a little. After your effortful fun activity, you will feel good, and those minutes will add up with time. 

One effortful fun activity that I do is tracking some metrics on an app called Exist that provides nice analytics for me. I track my waking up time, for instance, and my writing and publishing habits, and most importantly, I set a rating for the day with some notes about it, just like a mini digital journal. Mood tracking has been my favorite part of this simple app since I started using it years ago. So, after I do all this tracking at night, I open social media or watch my favorite series.

Another effortful fun activity that I do is checking my book highlights on the Readwise app, which reminds me of favorite passages I highlighted on Kindle books I read, which Readwise directly imports from my Kindle, or famous quotes from audiobooks or paper books I read, which Readwise offers the option to manually add to my library. I feel inspired whenever I read these quotes and often share them with friends and family on WhatsApp or save them for my Sunday Spark readers.

I genuinely love these apps, and recommend trying them for some effortful fun or finding activities you would like to do more and placing them before these effortless scrolling/watching sessions.

Please note that the links provided in this post are affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission if you make a purchase through them.

Enhance Your Downtime: Try Effortful Fun

How To Talk To Your Self

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I listened to a beautiful podcast episode about self-talk, where psychologist Ethan Kross shared that positive self-talk works better when addressing yourself in the third person or using “you” instead of “I,” according to his research. So, if your name is Tala, your self-talk should go like: “You got this, Tala” instead of “I got this.” This method is called distancing, and it works better for motivation.  

Also, we can try superhero self-talk. Kids can significantly benefit from this technique when performing a difficult task. They think of a favorite superhero character and then talk to themselves like this: “Super Tala, you got this; you did harder stuff than this; you can do it.” 

We might notice we are not kind in our self-talk after making a mistake, so here is the part where we need self-compassion practice. 

The one and only Kristin Neff joined the conversation with three steps to practice self-compassion, which, unlike what you would think, makes us more resilient and confident rather than lenient. 

  1. Step 1: Mindfulness: I am having a hard time. This situation hurts. 
  2. Step 2: Recognizing our shared humanity: I am not the only one experiencing a hard time. It’s part of being human. Other people feel just like me. I am not alone. 
  3. Step 3: Kindness to oneself. Practicing kindness could be placing your hand on your heart and talking gently to yourself like you would a dear friend, and we go back here to self-talk best practices; “It’s ok, dear Tala. You will be ok.” 

I found this helpful episode this morning after having a hard time in extreme Monday morning traffic that added 30 minutes to my daily drive. I really wanted to blame someone for it, but mindfulness helped me notice the intensity of my anger. I kept practicing the psychological sigh: two breaths in through the nose and a long one out of the mouth until I felt better. 

As I listened, I noticed I was missing steps 2 and 3 from the self-compassion practice in my car this morning. Alas, I will use them next time.

Will you?  

How To Talk To Your Self

Are you ready? Your fresh start awaits.

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Today, October 1st, 2023, is the start of a new week, month, and quarter.

Do you know when was the last time this happened? It happened once this year, on January 1st, which was a public holiday. And October 1st is the last time these three beginnings coincide this year.*

To make the best of your fresh start, spend time as soon as possible this week planning the habits you will track and the most important goals you want to achieve this quarter. Decide your last 90 days of the year ambitions and the problems you want to solve. A wise person in a podcast called problems “projects.” Your problems are projects you want to work on and take action steps to improve. Brilliant, no?

Do you plan to commit to the weekly reviews in the next 12 weeks?
Do you plan to track your weekly expenses and save for the holidays?
Do you plan to sleep at a reasonable hour most nights?
Do you plan to start journaling a few days a week?
Do you plan to move your body?
Do you plan to check on the people you say you care about most?

After you decide what you want to do this month:

  • Write your habits and goals on a post-it note in a visible place to keep them on top of mind because the days will get busier, and the list of goals will be forgotten if not present in your space.
  • Track your habits on a habit tracker like the one in the spark below, or create your own. You will feel discouraged sooner than expected if you do your habits without tracking them. Tracking makes you feel great about progress before the changes in your life become tangible. Track the total number of days you commit in October to beat your record in November and be realistic in December because it would be different from October and November.
  • Open your calendar and book action steps for your non-daily habits and goals, such as a coffee date with a friend, walking times, budgeting days, and weekly review days… you get the picture. It would help if you saw them in your calendar to make sure they make sense with the rest of your commitments.

One last tip: my friend told me about a journaling exercise called Remembering The Future, in which you write how you want to feel at the end of the year like it happened already, e.g., “I am so happy I finished that project, passed the exam, and improved my relationship with my mother.” Cool, huh?

So tell me, what will you say on December 31st about the year 2023?

Let’s end it with a bang, shall we?

*P.S. I learned this when I was designing my 2023 calendar. If your workweek starts on Monday, a new week and month collided once this year; on May 1st. These small facts are a lot of fun for a goal and time nerd like me!

Are you ready? Your fresh start awaits.

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

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When someone calls me to say she’s been stuck in her goals lately, I first ask her: What season are you in?

But I also should ask: What chapter are you in?

Both words, chapter and season, translate the same to Arabic, which might confuse people I ask because when I say it in Arabic, it could be a weather season or a book chapter.

What I mean by this question is what life chapter you’re in.

Is it the chapter of a new job, a new baby, a new home, or a new country? Is it the chapter of in-between jobs, in-between countries, in-between homes, or the chapter of ordinary-nothing-new life? Could it be the chapter of grief or a sick partner or parent?

These life chapters affect the kind of goals you can achieve.

Sometimes, we set our goals according to the chapter we just left as if nothing changed, so our plans no longer work.

Sometimes, we treat new chapters as if they did not happen and still expect the same from ourselves, or worse, we beat ourselves up if we do not achieve the desired results.

Seasons, on the other hand, are different; seasons are cyclical, which means each season will end soon, followed by the other.

At companies, there is the closing of the annual targets season, the objectives and performance reviews season, and the new launches season, among others.

Creatively, I go through seasons of introspection, deep reflection, and writing in my morning pages, then seasons of massive creative output.
For example, last year, I wrote about writing in seasons, which works perfectly for me because it felt like the permission slip I needed to give myself.

I adapted my creative output to mother nature’s cycle and my social and family life seasons. I don’t create workshops or launch courses in the summer; I spend time with my family. Believe me, I tried and learned the hard way that taking courses in summer doesn’t work for my life and probably the same for my target audience. Back-to-school season, however, means back to goals. As Jon Acuff says, September is the slingshot month of the year, just like January.

Physically, I try to adapt my work tasks according to my internal seasons based on my menstrual cycle because I have seen the impact of listening to my body on my life in the past few years. For example, tracking my cycle, helps me define the type of tasks that will feel easier for me each week; if I were in my internal fall season (premenstrual), then editing, analysis, finishing, following up, closing open loops, and decluttering would be ideal tasks.

All these reflections were sparked from listening to an excellent podcast episode by Peter and Jen about chapters where Peter mentioned he is in the chapter of (new dad) and feels it has impacted everything he thinks about. They highlighted that it’s good to remember that chapters end if you’re in the thick of a challenging one and to appreciate the people who are still with you as you close and open life chapters.

Always check whether your ambitious goals make sense for your life chapter and season, and plan accordingly.

It is an act of self-love.

Which chapter/season are you in?

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

Do this before you leave for the weekend.

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1. Celebrate: 

What did you accomplish this week? Write a short list to keep track of the progress you made.

2. Leave breadcrumbs: 

Write notes to help you know exactly where you left things off so you can easily pick up work the next time, no matter when. For example, if it’s an excel sheet, take note of the sheet name you were working on, specify the analysis you need to do next, and so on. This step helps your momentum build up fast the next time you start working on this excel sheet. 

3. Check your calendar for the upcoming week:

Are there any meetings that need preparation beforehand? Any personal appointments you need to account for? Any occasions you need to consider?

5. Write a short to-do list of tasks you must check off next week:  

This list will help you save time transitioning from the eventful weekend you just had back to work mode. 

4. Book meetings you need to get done next week:

People are more likely to accept your meeting request before the weekend than within the same work week.

Happy Weekend!

Do this before you leave for the weekend.

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

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Use your feelings:

  • What would be a relief to get over with before the end of the year? 
  • What is something don’t you want to be talking about planning to do next year? Instead, you want to say it’s done!

Use joy and regret:

  • Joy: Yes! It would be great to get this done. 
  • Regret: I would regret not getting this done now!

Use the calendar:

  • Is there an event you want to be ready for?
  • Is there an externally-imposed deadline that you need to meet?  

If you listed several answers, let these questions help you prioritize :

  • Is there a sense of urgency, time-sensitive or otherwise?
  • Did you promise to do it? 
  • Are you expected to do it?
  • Is it required by your management? 
  • What is at stake if you don’t get it done? 

Tip: Replace (the end of the year) with the end of the week/month/quarter, your Birthday, Christmas, Ramadan, or trip. You get the picture. 

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

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I asked my parents-in-law, who celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary a few days ago, about their top lessons over the years. Their answers went beyond marriage lessons to life lessons. 

My mother-in-law said:

  1.  Practise patience; it pays off.
  2. Sometimes things don’t work out right when you want them to, but they eventually will. 
  3. Respect is key to sustain relationships, especially in marriage.
  4. Do good unto others and forget about it. Don’t expect them to return the favor. 

My father-in-law said:

  1.  Faith is essential; it carried him through many hard days. When you feel like there is no way out, God always forges a path. He’s the one to give to our problems. 
  2. Marital problems are private and should not leave the house. 
  3. Since their engagement, he and my mother-in-law agreed to share people’s joys and sorrows by attending weddings and funerals. As importantly, they made sure to visit the sick, and people around them sincerely appreciated these meaningful habits.

Happy anniversary dear ones. We are blessed to have you. May you enjoy a long healthy life and keep spoiling our kids. 

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

How to Stay Focused and Achieve More During Your Workday

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A student of mine asked me this question lately and I chose to answer it in this post for all of you to benefit.

  1. Select the most important task(s) of the day.
  • First thing in the morning, select one to three tasks that need to get done by the end of the day. 
  • Anything else you write will go under your might-do list, as Ali Abdaal calls it. 
  • You are a pro if you choose these tasks before leaving work the day before to avoid morning brain fog syndrome. 

2. Use the Time Blocking technique.

Allocate time for your selected priorities on your day’s schedule using the time blocking technique.

  • Draw three columns on a piece of paper.
  • In the first column, write the working hours in 30-minute increments, for example, 9:00-9:30, 9:30-10:00, and so on.
  • In the second column, write your planned work tasks in time blocks, for example, from 9:00-9:30 (check email) or 9:00-10:30 (run brainstorming session).
  • You need to have a mix of time blocks in the second column:
    • Focus blocks: this is when you work on your most important task of the day with no interruptions, whether they are self-started like when you check your email or phone or initiated by others like an unexpected office visit. Set a focus block for a minimum of 30 minutes to make progress and no longer than 90-120 minutes as your focus fades by the end.
    • Emails. 
    • Calls
    • Administrative work that does not require your best focus, like filling sheets.
    • Breaks to stretch your legs, take a walk around, fill up your water bottle, have a bite away from your desk if possible, or socialize with your colleagues. 

 When you get interrupted by a call, a new task from your boss, or a quick drop-by from your colleague, you will know that these interruptions are replacing something you planned to do. That’s when you use the third column.

  • Use the third column to document what actually happened in your time block. If you did what you planned, add a checkmark; if not, write down what you did instead.

The Dos and Don’ts of Focus Blocks: 

Prepare to focus by tackling three key areas; your phone, your PC, and your environment.

Your phone:

Do’s

  1. Turn on Silent mode (forever).
  2. Turn off Bluetooth so you will not receive notifications on your smartwatch if you have one.
  3. Use an app like Forest to help you leave your phone alone during your focus block.
  4. Use an app like my favorite for Android AppBlock to block attention-stealing apps during your focus blocks or working hours. 
  5. Put your phone in your drawer (it works like magic).
  6. Should I even mention that you need to turn off all your notifications? I will say it to anyone who still needs to hear it.
  7. Extra credit: Put your phone on no-disturb mode. This will allow certain people you save on a list to reach you, like your partner, your kid’s school, and your mum. When other people try to call you, they will hear the standard ringtone, but you won’t be notified until you turn off the no-disturb mode. 

Your PC:

Do’s

  1. When you start a focus block, use apps like Rescuetime /Freedom or chrome extensions like StayFocused or Leechblock to block all distracting websites.
  2. Better yet, close your web browser and don’t open it until your focus block ends. Unless…
  3. Unless you are listening to focus music on your browser, in which case, I recommend you would listen to binaural music like this or my favorite go-to music (Brain FM) that I have been using since 2019.
  4. Close your desktop email application.
  5. You can use your shared digital calendar to block your focus sessions, so you will not receive meeting requests that collide with them.

Don’ts

  1. Don’t listen to music with lyrics.
  2. Don’t listen to instrumental music that might get you too emotional.

Your Environment:

Do’s

  1. Invest in noise cancellation headsets like these, or wait until you get a good deal on them (like I did last year). I first used a cheaper model called Cowin E7 that is not currently on sale. It served me for two good years until its color changed with time.
  2. Invest in a visual timer that will help you stay focused. Use it to work on tedious tasks for a limited time, say 10 minutes?
  3. You could create a sign or a little chalkboard to signal you can’t talk now. Once on a deadline, I could not afford to get interrupted, so I wrote on my little chalkboard: “Come back after 2 PM, please”. It was perfect. Two things would happen when you use a sign; some people find a way to solve their issue, or if they really need you, they will show up at 2 PM for your support. 

To turn focus blocks into a habit:

  1. Track your focus blocks. Try to achieve a certain number of focus blocks, like four daily sessions, where the minimum session is 30 minutes.
  2. Reward yourself with a little celebration after each focus block, such as saying “way to go!” to yourself. This little celebration is called Shine.
  3. Make it a bit painful to get distracted. For example, decide that you will have to start over if you touch your phone or look at your email during a focus block.
  4. Practice saying “not now, come back at ()” when you get interrupted by a non-urgent request.
  5. Whenever you think of something you need the answer to right away, or so your brain thinks, write it down on a list to check later, after your block. I call it the no-distraction list.

P.S. I am grateful to Cal Newport and Scott Young for what they taught me about focus in their work and course Life of Focus.

It’s your turn; tell me what was the most valuable tip for you that you will apply right away?

How to Stay Focused and Achieve More During Your Workday

How to not let a new idea ruin your good-enough old ideas

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Last month I decided to try batching in recording two to three episodes at once for my podcast in one sitting, especially since the topics were ready due to consistently writing on this blog. Afterward, I thought, I could try batching sessions for editing. 

When it comes to creating podcasts, Michael Hyatt always advocates batching : 

“Batch processing is the grouping of similar tasks that require similar resources in order to streamline their completion.”

Amy Porterfield agrees, John Lee Dumas swears by it in his interview with Hala Taha, and my consistent content creator friend swears by batching for doing reels. That is why I was so excited to try it.

One month later, however, I created zero podcast episodes instead of the usual target of two. This mishap was a juicy topic in the recent weekly review call with my incredible accountability partner. When she checked- in with me about the reason, my answer-read “excuse”- was: “I did not have enough time for a long recording session.” So, she shared this gem of advice with me: 

“You don’t need to implement a good idea right when you hear about it or think of it or like it.”

She added, “Your normal podcast process worked well enough, and now because you want to try this new “better” process, you halted your good enough process and ended up with nothing to show for it”. 

Aha moment, yes? 

I thanked her so much for turning on the lights for me one more time. I did not realize it was that all-or-nothing mentality again, stopping me from my best work. Therefore, I decided I will try batching soon enough by properly scheduling it and hopefully live the ease it promises of sharing more consistent podcast content. Meanwhile, I will keep my existing process of working on one episode from start to finish.

So there you go; if you get a great idea, write it down and put a date to try it in your reminders app to ensure you wouldn’t forget about it like you are so afraid to. But, don’t stop your good-enough ideas or processes (in my case) until you first try the better idea! Waiting to try a new tool or software or an app or a process for your creative work could turn into a trap for not shipping it to the world. 

I fell for it, but now I know better. You do too.

How to not let a new idea ruin your good-enough old ideas