How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

Bardees, , Leave a comment

Use your feelings:

  • What would be a relief to get over with before the end of the year? 
  • What is something don’t you want to be talking about planning to do next year? Instead, you want to say it’s done!

Use joy and regret:

  • Joy: Yes! It would be great to get this done. 
  • Regret: I would regret not getting this done now!

Use the calendar:

  • Is there an event you want to be ready for?
  • Is there an externally-imposed deadline that you need to meet?  

If you listed several answers, let these questions help you prioritize :

  • Is there a sense of urgency, time-sensitive or otherwise?
  • Did you promise to do it? 
  • Are you expected to do it?
  • Is it required by your management? 
  • What is at stake if you don’t get it done? 

Tip: Replace (the end of the year) with the end of the week/month/quarter, your Birthday, Christmas, Ramadan, or trip. You get the picture. 

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

What are you working on this month?

Bardees, , 1 Comment

Have you set your goals for this month yet?

If you are not sure how to do so, here are some suggestions for you:

Let your Past Inspire You

The easiest way to set monthly goals would be to review the last month. How did you do?

Rate your key life areas on a scale from 1-10, then write the reason for each rating.

  • Health: How you feel about your body and energy level. 
  • Mental/Emotional: How you feel about your psychological well-being. 
  • Relationships: How you feel about your relationship to: 
    • Spouse/Significant other. 
    • Friends.
    • Family.
  • Finances: Your personal financial situation and your family’s.
  • Work: Your 9-5 job and side projects.  
  • Spiritual Growth: Your connection to God. 
  • Learning: Your educational development. 
  • Personal Environment: Your home and work environment.  
  • Fun & Recreation: Your hobbies, playtime, relaxation, and adventure experiences.  
  • Service & Contribution: How you serve the world/volunteering. 

 If you have done a recent rating, compare the two ratings, and see what changed.

The lowest rating is a good indication of what needs more attention from you in the coming weeks. You could set your goals based on your insights from the different ratings.

You can also take goals from last month that you have not accomplished yet, and move them to the new month. But first, it is vital to check why you didn’t achieve them in the first place. What’s the blocking point? 

For example, I have not meditated but once or twice last month. When I dug deeper, I noticed the friction. The area where I used to meditate is full of clutter due to moving some furniture around, so I decided to declutter that area and get back to my good habit this month. 

Let Your Future Inspire You

You can set your monthly goals by looking over the month ahead; what’s coming up soon? Do you have an event to plan for? A birthday, an anniversary, a meeting? While such events might not be personal goals, they are still projects that will take a good chunk of your time which you need to consider.

Are You a Goal-setting Pro?

  • You can check your list of annual goals to see which of them fits this season of your life. 
  • You can check your word of the year to come up with ideas on how to bring it to life this month.

Success Secrets

Think about when you will work on your goals. Until you set time to work on your goals, they will keep floating out there. Book yourself. I usually set time to work on goals on the mornings of my weekends, or when I know the kids will be occupied, so I have an hour or two to myself. 

Write your monthly goals on a piece of paper that you see daily. I tape them to my computer screen usually. Visibility is key to success. Don’t keep that paper for more than a quarter there. Replace it. I have recently started taping my weekly goals to my screen, and it helped me stick to them.

Habits Reminder

As for the habits you want to grow in the new month, you need to define them, decide when you will do them during the day, write them in your habit tracker, and, just like goals, keep them visible. I usually track the same habits for a quarter and then come up with new habits to track in the new quarter. For example, I tracked washing the dishes for a while, and then I added the habit of wiping kitchen surfaces later.

Are you ready to set goals? Do you feel more excited about this month? Let me know if this post was helpful to you; I’d love to know your thoughts.

What are you working on this month?

Can you meet me halfway?

Bardees, Leave a comment

If your workweek starts on a Monday at 5 am, can you guess the mid-week point? 

According to Laura Vanderkam, or with a bit of calculation, your mid-week point is Thursday 5 pm. Were you right?

If your workweek starts on a Sunday at 5 am like me, then Wednesday, which happens to be the day I am writing this post, is the middle of the week.  

Many of us get it wrong because we think the week is over when the workweek ends and the weekend starts. 

Why am I telling you this? 

Because it is such a relief!

We can’t get everything we care about done in 24 hours. We roughly spend 8 hours sleeping, 8 hours working, 1 hour eating, 2 hours driving, 1-2 hours on screens, and 2 hours taking care of home and family. So, that leaves only 1 hour to read, journal, connect with loved ones and work on a meaningful personal project. 

But, when you remember you still have half of the week ahead of you, you feel hopeful that you can create more time for these activities if you plan with a weekly perspective of 168 hours instead of the limited 24 hours. For example, you can exercise, read or visit your parents on weekends instead of feeling guilty you have not done any of these things during the workweek. 

Does not this give you a sense of renewed determination? 

I believe that creating weekly and even monthly plans is an act of genuine self-care, and I encourage you to try it.

You got this!

P.S. Laura is releasing a new book in October, and I am sure I will love it as much as I loved her previous ones.  

Can you meet me halfway?

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

Bardees, , , Leave a comment

I asked my parents-in-law, who celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary a few days ago, about their top lessons over the years. Their answers went beyond marriage lessons to life lessons. 

My mother-in-law said:

  1.  Practise patience; it pays off.
  2. Sometimes things don’t work out right when you want them to, but they eventually will. 
  3. Respect is key to sustain relationships, especially in marriage.
  4. Do good unto others and forget about it. Don’t expect them to return the favor. 

My father-in-law said:

  1.  Faith is essential; it carried him through many hard days. When you feel like there is no way out, God always forges a path. He’s the one to give to our problems. 
  2. Marital problems are private and should not leave the house. 
  3. Since their engagement, he and my mother-in-law agreed to share people’s joys and sorrows by attending weddings and funerals. As importantly, they made sure to visit the sick, and people around them sincerely appreciated these meaningful habits.

Happy anniversary dear ones. We are blessed to have you. May you enjoy a long healthy life and keep spoiling our kids. 

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

How to Stay Focused and Achieve More During Your Workday

Bardees, , , , , Leave a comment

A student of mine asked me this question lately and I chose to answer it in this post for all of you to benefit.

  1. Select the most important task(s) of the day.
  • First thing in the morning, select one to three tasks that need to get done by the end of the day. 
  • Anything else you write will go under your might-do list, as Ali Abdaal calls it. 
  • You are a pro if you choose these tasks before leaving work the day before to avoid morning brain fog syndrome. 

2. Use the Time Blocking technique.

Allocate time for your selected priorities on your day’s schedule using the time blocking technique.

  • Draw three columns on a piece of paper.
  • In the first column, write the working hours in 30-minute increments, for example, 9:00-9:30, 9:30-10:00, and so on.
  • In the second column, write your planned work tasks in time blocks, for example, from 9:00-9:30 (check email) or 9:00-10:30 (run brainstorming session).
  • You need to have a mix of time blocks in the second column:
    • Focus blocks: this is when you work on your most important task of the day with no interruptions, whether they are self-started like when you check your email or phone or initiated by others like an unexpected office visit. Set a focus block for a minimum of 30 minutes to make progress and no longer than 90-120 minutes as your focus fades by the end.
    • Emails. 
    • Calls
    • Administrative work that does not require your best focus, like filling sheets.
    • Breaks to stretch your legs, take a walk around, fill up your water bottle, have a bite away from your desk if possible, or socialize with your colleagues. 

 When you get interrupted by a call, a new task from your boss, or a quick drop-by from your colleague, you will know that these interruptions are replacing something you planned to do. That’s when you use the third column.

  • Use the third column to document what actually happened in your time block. If you did what you planned, add a checkmark; if not, write down what you did instead.

The Dos and Don’ts of Focus Blocks: 

Prepare to focus by tackling three key areas; your phone, your PC, and your environment.

Your phone:

Do’s

  1. Turn on Silent mode (forever).
  2. Turn off Bluetooth so you will not receive notifications on your smartwatch if you have one.
  3. Use an app like Forest to help you leave your phone alone during your focus block.
  4. Use an app like my favorite for Android AppBlock to block attention-stealing apps during your focus blocks or working hours. 
  5. Put your phone in your drawer (it works like magic).
  6. Should I even mention that you need to turn off all your notifications? I will say it to anyone who still needs to hear it.
  7. Extra credit: Put your phone on no-disturb mode. This will allow certain people you save on a list to reach you, like your partner, your kid’s school, and your mum. When other people try to call you, they will hear the standard ringtone, but you won’t be notified until you turn off the no-disturb mode. 

Your PC:

Do’s

  1. When you start a focus block, use apps like Rescuetime /Freedom or chrome extensions like StayFocused or Leechblock to block all distracting websites.
  2. Better yet, close your web browser and don’t open it until your focus block ends. Unless…
  3. Unless you are listening to focus music on your browser, in which case, I recommend you would listen to binaural music like this or my favorite go-to music (Brain FM) that I have been using since 2019.
  4. Close your desktop email application.
  5. You can use your shared digital calendar to block your focus sessions, so you will not receive meeting requests that collide with them.

Don’ts

  1. Don’t listen to music with lyrics.
  2. Don’t listen to instrumental music that might get you too emotional.

Your Environment:

Do’s

  1. Invest in noise cancellation headsets like these, or wait until you get a good deal on them (like I did last year). I first used a cheaper model called Cowin E7 that is not currently on sale. It served me for two good years until its color changed with time.
  2. Invest in a visual timer that will help you stay focused. Use it to work on tedious tasks for a limited time, say 10 minutes?
  3. You could create a sign or a little chalkboard to signal you can’t talk now. Once on a deadline, I could not afford to get interrupted, so I wrote on my little chalkboard: “Come back after 2 PM, please”. It was perfect. Two things would happen when you use a sign; some people find a way to solve their issue, or if they really need you, they will show up at 2 PM for your support. 

To turn focus blocks into a habit:

  1. Track your focus blocks. Try to achieve a certain number of focus blocks, like four daily sessions, where the minimum session is 30 minutes.
  2. Reward yourself with a little celebration after each focus block, such as saying “way to go!” to yourself. This little celebration is called Shine.
  3. Make it a bit painful to get distracted. For example, decide that you will have to start over if you touch your phone or look at your email during a focus block.
  4. Practice saying “not now, come back at ()” when you get interrupted by a non-urgent request.
  5. Whenever you think of something you need the answer to right away, or so your brain thinks, write it down on a list to check later, after your block. I call it the no-distraction list.

P.S. I am grateful to Cal Newport and Scott Young for what they taught me about focus in their work and course Life of Focus.

It’s your turn; tell me what was the most valuable tip for you that you will apply right away?

How to Stay Focused and Achieve More During Your Workday

You Need Shine to Make Habits Stick

BardeesLeave a comment

Teaching small groups on habits lately have taught me that learning to make our habits very easy is one of the most challenging parts for the attendees to implement. I don’t blame them. We have been conditioned to “go big or go home” that going small is not comfortable for us because our brains won’t consider small as a win. 

That’s why BJ Fogg, in his book Tiny Habits, stresses the importance of not only making the desired behaviors easy, but also celebrating right after we complete them so they turn into habits. He argues, controversially so, that behaviors turn into habits faster by immediate positive emotions accompanying them rather than by repetition. 

Celebrating directly after we wipe countertops or one countertop, with a broad smile or by applauding ourselves or doing a little jump or whatever works for us, is what BJ Fogg calls a Shine moment. This positive, immediate and uncommon rush of feelings is the small reward that wires the new habit faster into our brain, making us want to repeat it the next time until the behavior becomes automatic. 

I’ve been implementing this strategy, and it’s been quite a success.

Try it out. 

You Need Shine to Make Habits Stick

Is it the right time?

Bardees, , , 1 Comment

Years ago, I used to buy courses to do in summer and then feel bad about not finishing them. I thought that I was the kind of person who did not finish what she had started.

As I became more reflective and also self-forgiving, I knew better. I realized that, in most cases, it was all about timing. 

Choosing the right time to do courses matters a lot. Choosing the right time to start habits matters a lot. Choosing the right time to work on your goals matters a lot.

Continue reading “Is it the right time?” →
Is it the right time?

Do you Believe in Writing in Seasons?

Bardees, , , Leave a comment

Remember when I said I would write four days a week this year?

That has not happened since April, during the holy month of Ramadan specifically, when working hours changed for a month. Then we had a family trip then I focused on using the writing time I had to prepare for my first public habits workshop. Then summer happened. 

 In summer, I stayed up late to spend time with my family member visiting from abroad. I traveled. I went to parties and weddings. This summer was a lot similar to pre-covid times; only my kids got bigger and were not going to daycare/summer camp every morning. This time, they stayed with their grandparents to play with their cousins. So, I did not have to wake up until the last minute possible while I would still make it to work on time. That meant I arrived past my writing time. So I did not write in the summer. 

What gave me so much comfort is that I learned that I can write in seasons and still be a writer. Cheryl Strayed shared this in her fantastic interview on Marie Forleo’s podcast. She mentioned she was a binge writer and shared a story of a Dear Sugar questioner, her famous advice column, who said she could only write once a month when she sends her kids to her mother’s house. Cheryl told her she was still a writer even if she wrote once a month. This answer relieved Marie Forleo, who, like me, admires Seth Godin and his advice that encourages writing daily. Seth and Rohan were, in fact, the main reasons I attempted to write daily last year. 

Lucky me, it’s September again, and schools have been back for almost a week, so I am arriving early to the office. My writing context is back. 

During summer, while the writing space remained the same, the writing time and, with it, the writing habit disappeared. This personal proof aligns with everything I read about habits; the importance of context for keeping them. 

I am so glad I am back.

I recommend you check that interview.

Here is my favorite part:

“You know, there were many times for 3 months in a row I wrote every day. But there are also many times for 3 months in a row I didn’t write a word. And what I’ve found is when, like, I make an appointment with myself and I don’t look at each day. I look at the calendar ahead. And it’s been really helpful for me actually also to decide when not to write, because I can look sometimes at my calendar and say, “I’m gonna be really busy for the next month,” or, “I just gave birth to a child,” or, you know, I have to work really hard at this other project because that’s important to me too. And then I just put the writing aside and know that I’m not going to feel bad about it, I’m not gonna get into some sort of shame loop about I haven’t written. I tell myself you’re not going to write now and then you’re going to write then. And then what I do is I make good on that promise. That’s the other piece of it. This isn’t about being, you know, using lazy excuses. It’s not using this methodology in order to not write. It’s actually the opposite. It’s saying this is when I work best or when I can work best.

….One of the most moving comments I got after one of my talks is just during the Q&A afterwards. Somebody had asked me what my writing process was and I said about this binge writing: I don’t write every day and sometimes I write once a month. And this woman came up to me afterwards and she was crying, and she said, “Thank you so much.” She said, “I have always felt like I wasn’t a writer. I’m a single mom, I have 4 kids, and I can write once a month, the day my mom takes my kids. And I think you’re the first person who told me that I can still say that I’m a writer even though I only write once a month.” And I just grabbed her and I was like, “You are absolutely a writer. Because if you write once a month, guess what happens by the end of that year? You’ve written 12 days. And I know you can do a lot of beauty in 12 days. Because I’ve done it too.”

How to Become a Writer, According to Cheryl Strayed

Wow.

Do you Believe in Writing in Seasons?

How to not let a new idea ruin your good-enough old ideas

Bardees, , Leave a comment

Last month I decided to try batching in recording two to three episodes at once for my podcast in one sitting, especially since the topics were ready due to consistently writing on this blog. Afterward, I thought, I could try batching sessions for editing. 

When it comes to creating podcasts, Michael Hyatt always advocates batching : 

“Batch processing is the grouping of similar tasks that require similar resources in order to streamline their completion.”

Amy Porterfield agrees, John Lee Dumas swears by it in his interview with Hala Taha, and my consistent content creator friend swears by batching for doing reels. That is why I was so excited to try it.

One month later, however, I created zero podcast episodes instead of the usual target of two. This mishap was a juicy topic in the recent weekly review call with my incredible accountability partner. When she checked- in with me about the reason, my answer-read “excuse”- was: “I did not have enough time for a long recording session.” So, she shared this gem of advice with me: 

“You don’t need to implement a good idea right when you hear about it or think of it or like it.”

She added, “Your normal podcast process worked well enough, and now because you want to try this new “better” process, you halted your good enough process and ended up with nothing to show for it”. 

Aha moment, yes? 

I thanked her so much for turning on the lights for me one more time. I did not realize it was that all-or-nothing mentality again, stopping me from my best work. Therefore, I decided I will try batching soon enough by properly scheduling it and hopefully live the ease it promises of sharing more consistent podcast content. Meanwhile, I will keep my existing process of working on one episode from start to finish.

So there you go; if you get a great idea, write it down and put a date to try it in your reminders app to ensure you wouldn’t forget about it like you are so afraid to. But, don’t stop your good-enough ideas or processes (in my case) until you first try the better idea! Waiting to try a new tool or software or an app or a process for your creative work could turn into a trap for not shipping it to the world. 

I fell for it, but now I know better. You do too.

How to not let a new idea ruin your good-enough old ideas

How to Troubleshoot a Positive Behavior into Becoming a Habit?

BardeesLeave a comment

When I was doing my monthly review for March to prepare for the new month and the new quarter, I noticed that I had dropped the habit of my 5-minute morning stretching. Dropping a habit that I care about usually means that I need to start up my habit troubleshooting mode. I enjoy this mode a lot with all the knowledge and experience I got from studying the topic of habits and giving several training workshops on it.

First, I asked myself what changed in March? 

The answer was the steps of my morning routine; 

My previous routine was:

  • Skincare routine.
  • Brewing coffee while doing the 5-minute stretching.
  • Meditating for 15 minutes.
  • Then, having my coffee and doing the rest of my routine such s journaling and so on.

In March, however, I decided to start a round of a few weeks of morning pages, a particular type of stream of consciousness journaling created by Julia Cameron. It entails writing three A4 pages as soon as we wake up and takes about 45 minutes. 

My March routine was: 

  • Brew coffee while doing my skincare routine.
  • Write my morning pages while having coffee.
  • Then meditate and do the rest of my routine.

Only at the end of my routine, when I want to check off my morning habits, do I notice that I had skipped the 5-minute morning stretching. 

So what happened here?

In my previous routine, brewing coffee was a prompt for stretching and meditating. But how come I still kept my meditation habit after the prompt changed but not workouts? The critical difference is that meditation has already become a habit after nearly two years of on and off practice. The proof is that I don’t even think about doing it or not. On the other hand, working out has not become a habit yet, because I still debate doing it in my mind, totally ignore it, or even forget it until it’s time to check off the habit tracker.

Why are morning workouts not a habit yet? 

Although I made exercising very easy last year by applying the 2-minute rule according to Atomic habits, and it helped me grow some visible, albeit shy, muscles on my bony arms, the behavior disappeared at the slightest change in my routine because it is not clear enough. I sometimes do pushups and setups; other times, burpees and squats, you get the picture, so I do not have a fixed pre-decided routine that I follow. 

Thanks to an insight I received from a friend facing the same problem, I figured this out. My friend decided to select a video and follow it every morning; no thinking or even counting is needed. I can do the same or print out the workout steps I’d like to follow, like 10 pushups, 10 burpees, 10 squats, etc. However, I am leaning into videos because they give me the company I need in those quiet and sleepy morning hours. All I need is to decide on the video once and then keep going. That’s it. 

In addition to making the habit clear with a video to follow, I can use the habit stacking strategy to ensure I commit to working out by placing it between two strong habits. Accordingly, on the days when I would like to write morning pages, my routine will be:

After I do my morning pages, I will work out for 5 minutes with a video,

After I work out for five minutes, I will meditate.

This sounds like a plan I’d like to follow, and like many other posts in this blog, it is about experimentation and tweaking my routine to do the things that matter most to me. I will keep you updated on how it turns out.

What about you? 

How can you tweak your routine to achieve the results you want?

How to Troubleshoot a Positive Behavior into Becoming a Habit?