relationships

Have You Watered The Forest?

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Have you watered the forest?

This will be my new relationships mantra! I loved it when I heard it mentioned by the author and podcaster Shane Parrish in his interview with Tim Ferris. He said he always asked himself this question to check if he’s making deposits into the key relationships in his life, his kids and his wife: 

Have you watered the forest enough, or would a little spark set it on fire?

If we nurture our relationships enough, if we water them with little acts of kindness and care, then little problems would stay that way, little, and not turn into big fires that wipe them out.

Best Relationship metaphor I have heard in a while. 

Watering relationship forests is not only about avoiding fires; it’s also about turning the leaves of the forest trees into lavish, luscious greens and growing resilient branches and deep roots that would withstand storms.

Reflecting on this, I also thought that we could say water the garden, but first, it’s not as cool as saying water the forest; second, watering forests is a better reminder because it is an act of God, so we think it will happen naturally, but that’s not how relationships work. We need to be intentional about growing our relationships. We need to make time for calls, texts, and getting together. It does not just happen.

Review your planned goals for this year and check how many are relationship-related. Only a few, if not at all, yes? Although many studies have proved that humans thrive on connection and nurturing relationships, we still do not act on this.

Let’s be wiser and let watering the forest be a goal for us this year.

Have You Watered The Forest?

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

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I asked my parents-in-law, who celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary a few days ago, about their top lessons over the years. Their answers went beyond marriage lessons to life lessons. 

My mother-in-law said:

  1.  Practise patience; it pays off.
  2. Sometimes things don’t work out right when you want them to, but they eventually will. 
  3. Respect is key to sustain relationships, especially in marriage.
  4. Do good unto others and forget about it. Don’t expect them to return the favor. 

My father-in-law said:

  1.  Faith is essential; it carried him through many hard days. When you feel like there is no way out, God always forges a path. He’s the one to give to our problems. 
  2. Marital problems are private and should not leave the house. 
  3. Since their engagement, he and my mother-in-law agreed to share people’s joys and sorrows by attending weddings and funerals. As importantly, they made sure to visit the sick, and people around them sincerely appreciated these meaningful habits.

Happy anniversary dear ones. We are blessed to have you. May you enjoy a long healthy life and keep spoiling our kids. 

Simply profound life lesson from 45 years of marriage

Own Your Happiness

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This morning, I listened to a summary of one my favorite books on relationships on Blinkist: The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by don Miguel Ruiz. As I did, memories came rushing back, of a 10-year younger me on a 9-hour flight back home after the honeymoon, when I found this book on audio in the educational section of that tiny plane screen, and having watched a movie or two already, I started listening to it. 

I couldn’t miss the irony and the serendpity of listening to it as a bride, because this book told me that that my happiness was not in his hands, my oblivious sweet groom by my side. Can you imagine that? I found out, as we were about to start a new life together, that marrying my hudband did not mean giving him the responsibility of my happiness or its keys. No one can take such an essential role but me. 

I remember feeling a bit shocked because I was well on my way on the self-development track; however, the author presented the idea so eloquently that I genuinely got it for the first time. 

A few days later, I vividly remember cleaning and decorating my new home while continuing to listen to this book after I found it online. Its radical ideas impacted me significantly, although it took some time to believe them.

Own your happiness, my friend. You even become more attractive when you do. It is your responsibility. Your partner’s happiness is their responsibility. You come together to share your happiness, not create it.

That’s a relationship secret I wish more people would find out. 

Happy V-day!

Note: after finishing writing this post I felt it was too familiar, only to find I wrote a very simliar (better?) post about this story 9 months ago. Alas, my writing for the day is done so I am posting anway, and I am sure someone here needs to hear it today!

Own Your Happiness

Open up

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Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
The door to your heart is not meant to be there.
You built it up when you got hurt.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
The door to your heart is not letting love in or out.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
Doors are not for hearts.
You think your door is protecting you but it’s only blocking the flow of love that is your birthright.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut
It lies. This door.
It tells you stuff like: “show them how it feels to withhold love from them“.
You think you’re the punisher. You are the punished.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
Whenever you feel your heart closing down, remember that.
Shutting down is not the way you handle life.
Keep it open and stay watching.
That’s the courageous choice.
Shutting down is turning your back to your life and to those you share it with.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
The doorway should be clear. The door must be wrecked off its hinges.

Open up. Don’t keep it shut.
When your heart is open, they can tell.
They will feel your unconditional approval of them.
And guess what? They, too, will crack theirs open.

Open up darling. Don’t keep it shut.

Open up