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Six Tips for Writing Consistently

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Last year, I started my writing practice and succeeded in shipping daily for more than 6o days in a row and a total of 117 posts throughout the year, so here is what I learned from the success and failure of my experience to implement this time around. 

1. Create fixed time and space triggers for your writing habit.

Example: “When I arrive at the office, I will write for 30-40 minutes” or “After I take my lunch break, I will start writing at my desk”

 If your space changes over the week, for example, you write in the office, but you’re home for the weekends, you need to customize your trigger so you can write with no interruptions. 

Example: “In weekends, I will sit in my home office at 7 am and write for 30-40 minutes” 

Setting your writing practice later than that means your kids would interrupt you when they wake up, and this almost ensures you spend your day chasing another time slot to finish writing or even going to bed without posting, like what I used to do.

3. Start a streak by tracking your writing habit on a habit tracker. 

It feels rewarding to see that chain growing and confirming your new writer identity. Don’t break the chain, and start another one as soon as you do.

4. Create public accountability for your writing habit by announcing that you will write daily for a month on your social media. This way, you will feel more inclined to respect your promise and not miss a day.

5. Create a ritual to begin writing. 

Here is what I do, I set my favorite visual timer Time Timer to 45 minutes and place it in front of me, then select the same duration for focus music on Brain. FM and listen to it using my noise cancellation headset. Whenever I do these three steps, I signal my brain to get ready to start writing.

6. Use full-screen mode when typing to stay focused.

 I either use MS Word or Scrivener, and I keep typing any thoughts that come to my mind as if I was journaling until meaningful, shareable words start appearing on the screen. 

Are you thinking of starting a daily habit? 

Do the same. 

  • Create time and space triggers for the habit to live.
  • Make it small by limiting its time. 
  • Eliminate distractions while pursuing it, until the timer goes off at least. 
  • Track it and share it with others. 

 

PS: I am still working on enhancing #4 using the course I am currently part of Ship30for30. 

Six Tips for Writing Consistently

You Will Find Your Way Back

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I am posting this right after I finished teaching a 2.5-hour workshop on journaling, my favorite part of my morning routine.

At the end of the workshop, a bride-to-be participant shared with me that she’s afraid to lose herself when she starts a new life with more responsibilities and commitments. She asked me: how would she keep her good habits, like journaling, then?

My answer to her was this: Yes, you will change as you enter a new life, and yes, you will have less time for yourself than you do now. However, I’m here to remind you that you have a head start. You are already on the path of self-awareness; taking this workshop is one example, and this means you will notice when you wander away from your best self as you adjust to your new life. It will take time to figure out the person you would like to be in the relationship, to define your boundaries and your non-negotiables, but nothing works if you abandon yourself. The relationship thrives when you are happy as an individual. Journaling is one way of taking care of yourself among many. If/when you stop it as life gets busy, I promise you this; you will find your way back.

You are not the same person you were years ago. You are aware enough, you worked so hard on yourself, and you grew so much that no matter what changes disrupt your life, you will endure and find your way back. That even if you fall, you will not stay down for long nor dwell on your failures; instead, you will rise up, way faster than the past you.

  • What if we get quarantined again for some reason? We will find our way back.
  • What if we grow our family and life gets too hectic? We will find our way back.
  • What if we travel and stop some habits we worked hard for? We will find our way back.
  • What if someone needs us to step up and constantly be there for them? We will find our way back.

Isn’t that the definition of resilience?

Give yourself this reassurance as fear creeps in when you embark upon the unknown: If you start and stop or if you get lost, you now know your way back. Trust that you have created an anchor you’ll return to again and again. You can restart as many times as you want.

Liberating.

You Will Find Your Way Back

How does Planning Help You Be Present?

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Last year, I recorded a video series with a dear friend discussing the Power of Now book. We enjoyed this collaboration and went deeply into the topic, and the outcome was 36 episodes averaging 15 minutes each.

By saying that the now is all there is, and that we are happiest when we live in the now, many felt I was contradicting myself as someone who promoted time management and planning in my podcast and other videos.  

How can we think ahead while also living in the now?

Planning and being present do not contradict each other; planning helps you live in the now. 

  • When you schedule your time in blocks, you don’t need to keep thinking of the future because you have already decided what you would work on next. 
  • When you plan, you ideally write your top 1-3 priorities of the day, so when other shiny things show up, you stay focused on those priorities or switch them up to deal with emerging demands. 
  • When you plan, you don’t suffer from that sudden sinking feeling of remembering an overdue task. 
  • Planning your time helps you stay present and confident that you are right where you need to be, doing the right things. There is no sense of wanting to escape the moment to a past or future one. This state empowers you to block distractions and promotes deep work mode, the most important kind of work that advances you in strides, versus the shallow fire-fighting mode that still takes place but much less so. 

When we plan our goals, it’s the same; we set our destination then focus on the daily habits and actions that we can control today to reach it or something better, we hope. Attachment to outcome is when we stop living in the now; releasing attachment is a life lesson we need to be willing to learn. 

So go crazy planning, but don’t get stuck there.

Action is in the now. It is where the magic happens. 

How does Planning Help You Be Present?

Are You Taking Fun Seriously?

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Yesterday I recharged my battery by having fun.

I went laser-tagging for the first time thanks to a generous invitation from a friend who arranged the whole event. I wouldn’t have thought about going if it was not for my friend, which makes me wonder about the fun element in my life. It went missing in the last two months of my personal hibernation.

True, I was enjoying the quiet this period of the year uniquely offers, so I did not get together with my friends while many of them were, unfortunately, busy recovering from COVID. Not to forget we all got worried about the peak we witnessed in cases here in Jordan in the last month. I discussed the fun aspect with my friend and we agreed that the pandemic indeed changed our gatherings habits, thus diminishing the fun we have. A lot of us are not even considering going out anymore.

Thankfully, this is coming to an end, and we are ready to embrace new habits as COVID is withdrawing and the days are getting longer and warmer.

I am planning to have more fun, starting this month, by:

1- Going to a dance class once a week. It’s been on my goals for nearly three years and I hope it’s going to be as cool as I imagine it.
2- Using my magical Saturdays (What I call Saturdays when kids are at school while I’m off) not just for podcast production and appointments, even if they were beauty appointments, but also for meeting up with friends for coffee or lunch.
3- Going out at night once every two weeks with hubby or some friends who can’t do mornings.

If we want fun to happen, we need to create space in our schedule for it, just like we schedule family and work events. It will not occur spontaneously, as lovely as that would be, not with our responsibilities, not until we initiate that group text chain about a meet-up date that suits most of the gang or make that “Hey, I miss you, let’s get together” call.

I am so serious about fun that I got Catherine Price’s new book on it The Power of Fun. I will share more as I go.

Are You Taking Fun Seriously?

My Words of the Year 2022

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In the previous post, I shared with you why you should set a word for the year. Now I would like to share with you my three words for 2022.

Release:

(Dictionary definition: to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude, to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses, to give up in favor of another, to give permission for publication, performance, exhibition, or sale, also: to make available to the public).

I have been using this word for months as a symbol of renewal and starting over whenever a new menstrual cycle begins. This year, I want to use it to remember to:

  • Release feelings of disappointment and sadness through journaling, conversations with close family and friends, and commitment to my spiritual practice.
  • Release beliefs that don’t serve me.
  • Release content consistently on my blog, podcast, and social media.
  • Release attachment to outcome and focus on the process.
  • Release clutter from my home continuously by making it a habit.
  • Respect my monthly menstrual release and plan my schedule accordingly.

Cherish:

(Dictionary definition: to treat with tenderness and affection; to nurture with care; to protect and aid). This word goes beyond focused attention. It’s my family word for this year.

  • It reminds me to enjoy my time with my kids because they will not be this young again, and that time passes by too fast if we’re not mindful.
  • I want to cherish time with our bigger family whenever we’re together. Most of them are in different countries and get together once a year.
  • I want to cherish my kids’ four healthy grandparents, take more photos, and be more present.

Prolific:

(Dictionary definition: marked by abundant inventiveness or productivity).

I’ve always loved this word when used to describe an author or an artist. I, too, want to generate a prolific body of work through committing to my creative writing practice, starting by committing to this blog, which will help me generate podcast episodes and material to teach in other formats.

I am really excited to live my words and live up to them. Wishing you the same.

My Words of the Year 2022

Why should you choose a Word for the Year?

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I have been choosing a word of the year since 2019, and I’m not planning to stop. Today I want to encourage you to pick yours. 

The Word of the Year is an exercise where you choose a theme or a priority for you in the new year. It could focus on your inner world, like a feeling you want to experience, or your outer world, like your behavior and choices, or it could be a quality you want to cultivate in yourself. 

This word would help you filter the decisions you make. It would encourage you if/when feel down and remind you of what’s important. It should make you feel alive and inspired. This word should represent an evolution for you. It declares what you want more of in your life. It’s important to remember to choose your word out of self-love, not due to the shame of your past mistakes. 

If you feel inclined, you can pick a mantra instead of a word to guide you throughout the year, just like I did last year, or one main word and two supporting words. 

Ryan Holiday also encouraged us to choose one word of the year in his Daily Stoic Challenge earlier this January. He says:

“What is important is that the word is not chosen for you in retrospect, by the course of events, because you couldn’t decide. You can see what that looks like if you reflect on where we have found ourselves as a culture these last few years. A lot of us have been calling 2021 “abnormal.” 2020 was “unprecedented.” Search 2016 stories on Google and it isn’t long before you run into the phrase “worst year ever.” In this way, every year seems to end up with its own word. The idea … is we choose the word for the year, instead of letting the year choose the word for us after it’s all over.”

The word of the year is the most fun exercise I do every year during goal-setting and my friends agree, and shared this with me: 

My friend Dina said:

“I have been applying the word of the year method for 3 years in a row. I like It because it is pretty simple but also sophisticated at the same time. The word of the year sets a momentum and an intentional theme for my year to design my professional and personal objectives around it and keeps me focused.”

My friend Diana said:

“Because of you, I picked my word for the year, which was courage, and God oh God, how much that affected me this year, I feel like a different person, mature and confident, so much changed and so much improved. I thank you for that and for your impact on my growth journey.”

A quick guide to help you choose your word of the year:

  1. Keep your ears and eyes open to words that catch your attention in songs, quotes, conversations, and books.
  2. Keep collecting favorite words and checking them against your goals of the year.
  3. Check #wordoftheyear hashtag or my latest post on Instagarm.
  4. Your word of the year is not a quick exercise; give it a few days, use time to narrow your list of words to your favorites.
  5. Your word of the year will speak to your heart and provoke powerful feelings in you.
  6. Your word of the year could come to you while walking or driving or right after you wake up. It will find you.
  7. I found out about One Word work by Jon Gordon recently, and it’s pretty interesting, check the resources here.  

When you finally choose your word of the year, share it with your friends! Keep it visible on your desk or on a whiteboard, on your phone, and even on your body as a piece of jewelry, if that’s your thing. 

To stay connected to it, incorporate your word of the year in your weekly/monthly/quarterly reviews using questions like: “How did I live my word —– last week?” 

So, have you picked your word yet?

It’s not too late. Start hunting. 

Why should you choose a Word for the Year?

Own Your Happiness

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This morning, I listened to a summary of one my favorite books on relationships on Blinkist: The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by don Miguel Ruiz. As I did, memories came rushing back, of a 10-year younger me on a 9-hour flight back home after the honeymoon, when I found this book on audio in the educational section of that tiny plane screen, and having watched a movie or two already, I started listening to it. 

I couldn’t miss the irony and the serendpity of listening to it as a bride, because this book told me that that my happiness was not in his hands, my oblivious sweet groom by my side. Can you imagine that? I found out, as we were about to start a new life together, that marrying my hudband did not mean giving him the responsibility of my happiness or its keys. No one can take such an essential role but me. 

I remember feeling a bit shocked because I was well on my way on the self-development track; however, the author presented the idea so eloquently that I genuinely got it for the first time. 

A few days later, I vividly remember cleaning and decorating my new home while continuing to listen to this book after I found it online. Its radical ideas impacted me significantly, although it took some time to believe them.

Own your happiness, my friend. You even become more attractive when you do. It is your responsibility. Your partner’s happiness is their responsibility. You come together to share your happiness, not create it.

That’s a relationship secret I wish more people would find out. 

Happy V-day!

Note: after finishing writing this post I felt it was too familiar, only to find I wrote a very simliar (better?) post about this story 9 months ago. Alas, my writing for the day is done so I am posting anway, and I am sure someone here needs to hear it today!

Own Your Happiness

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

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In the previous post, I shared why we quit our resolutions. In this post, I’ll help you start them or get them back on track.

Write the why of the resolution.

What would you gain by committing to it? How would you feel in a month, three months, six months, or a year? What changes will you or the people around you experience because of it?

More importantly, what would you lose if you didn’t pursue this resolution now? What’s at stake for you, your relationships, health, money, or career if you quit? 

Write your why. You will need it again in the future, trust me. Write as many reasons as you can and highlight the most important ones after. Those are the ones you connect with on a deep emotional level, not just intellectually. 

Read your why every few weeks as part of your monthly reviews. 

In his recent book, How to Begin, author Michael Bungay Stanier recommends using “For the sake of …” instead of “why”.

“I find “Why?” a pretty hard question to answer. I end up spouting sweeping, self-justifying generalizations that I don’t quite believe myself. A more nuanced way to reach the same destination is to see if I can complete this phrase that I add on to the Worthy Goal: “for the sake of…”. When I think of some of the Worthy Goals I’ve achieved, I’ve been able to offer up a strong answer to the question “Why?” For the End Malaria book I created and edited in 2011, it was “for the sake of saving lives” (it raised $400k for Malaria No More). 

Use habit trackers:

I’ve been using habit trackers since I started waking up early in 2016, and reading Atomic Habits confirmed that they are helpful in many ways, such as:

1. Habit trackers in the right place in your environment or on your favorite tracking apps make the habit trigger visible, so they remind you to do it.

I place my morning habits tracker on my desk and my evening habits tracker on my fridge in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time at home. 

2. Habit trackers make the habit satisfying to complete every day: 

Until we start feeling and seeing changes in our lives due to the new positive habits, tracking a habit by crossing off each day we commit it to makes it satisfying in itself. It reinforces our new identity as the kind of people (healthy, mindful spender, good parent) who do this kind of habit (walk, monitor expenses, read books to kids). We see our progress on the tracker even if we still don’t see the results in our lives. 

Use Personal Metrics:

If you don’t want to use the chain method to track your habits, develop personal metrics as suggested by the author Cal Newport. A personal metric is a number you want to track and record every day, like the number of steps you walk, the number of hours you spend on social media or the number of water glasses you have. Add it to your daily reminders and agenda and include it in your reviews.

Join or create a group:

Join a group that is already committed to the habit, or start your habit group for interested people. Groups sharing the same goal make it more attractive, and the accountability of members significantly increases. We also love to belong in groups; it’s in our DNA. 

Announce your new habit.

Another way of creating accountability is announcing your new habit and sharing your progress with a circle of your choice. It could be a family WhatsApp group or the stories on social media. Studies proved that sharing your implementation intentions increases the chances of follow-through.  

Make your habit flexible:

You can combat perfectionism using the MTO method that Tanya Dalton shares in her book, On Purpose:

“MTO METHOD: Set a Minimum, a Target, and an Outrageous measurement for yourself. Example: Each month I will save a minimum of $75, but I will target saving $100. If possible, I will save the outrageous amount of $150 dollars.”

This technique reminds you that life happens. We will break our chains and forget about our personal metrics and whys. We need to prepare for those challenges by making our habits flexible off the bat. You show up with your minimum in those days. You already planned for them. And you perform outrageously wonderful in those better weeks you are also bound to have.

Which technique(s) is your favorite? Which will you use?

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

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It’s February, and this is when studies say 80% of people quit their New Year’s Resolutions. I wrote this post to help you be in the 20%.

We have three main challenges when it comes to sticking to resolutions.

The Future Self Problem:

The future self problem has been discovered by professor Hal Hershfield through MRI studies of the human brain, which showed that certain areas in the human brain get activated when you think of your current self; however, when you think of a celebrity whom you like but have never met; other brain areas get activated. Interestingly, those same areas light up when you think of yourself in 10 years. We see our future selves as people we’re familiar with and like, but strangers, nevertheless, whom we don’t know or even genuinely care about.

The Temporal Discounting Problem:

The human brain has evolved to prefer instant rewards over future ones as a survival mechanism that served our ancestors well in the wilderness. We learned to place a higher value on the present, so we discount the value and importance of the future. That’s why we stay up late and regret it the second day. The current night self ignores the morning self, putting it in trouble.

These two challenges become prominent when it comes to habits. We keep on making unhealthy choices because the rewards are instantaneous; we feel the dopamine in our bodies when we have a piece of cake or join a group for a cigarette outside. However, the consequences of negative habits are delayed; they happen to someone we don’t care about, our future lookalike. On the other hand, as James Clear explains in Atomic Habits, positive habits are a bit painful in the present; they require us to stretch those muscles, withhold spending money, or experience some discomfort. In contrast, their advantages to our overall well-being are delayed. Accordingly, not seeing the immediate positive impact of new habits, by February, for example, makes us quit our New Year’s resolutions too soon.

Perfectionism:

We quit because we demand of ourselves a 100% that nobody asked of us. We can not tolerate 80% or 60%. It’s the very familiar all-or-nothing mindset, the 100% or 0%, as Jon Acuff shares in Finish. We often think if we hadn’t committed well so far today, or this week, or this month, we might as well forget about the whole thing. We self-sabotage, thereby dismissing any little progress we made. And that’s a trap that we can easily fall into if we are not paying attention.

What should we do to overcome these hurdles?

That’s my post for tomorrow.

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

What are you missing by choosing to worry?

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When I think about my upcoming week and how my evenings will also be all about working with my 3rd grader on her 2nd monthly assessments, I get discouraged and feel I want to skip right to Thursday, my easiest evening.

Then I remind myself of question #6 from 12 (Stoic) Questions That Will Change Your Life by Ryan Holiday, which says:

“What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid?”

The answer is, I am missing the fact that she still depends on me for her school work and that it’s going to be sooner than I expect when she would tell me, “I got it, mum, thank you”. I am missing the chance to feel how amazing that I am managing my job and Amman’s crazy traffic to be home on time for her and get our heads together to focus on the task at hand.

I also think about question 10:

“Does this actually matter?”

And my answer is that in the big picture, this doesn’t matter. Yes, I have 1 or 2 weeks of full evenings every few weeks; but as long we are recovering after, we are going to be just fine. I’ll take it one evening at a time.

I am also reminding myself that we had more fun than usual this weekend and we chose to study less than our normal dose. Having fun matters, and it made the weekend feel nicely longer.

Parents with older kids, I can guess what you’re thinking: “Wait till grade X then start talking”. Well, this is where I am right now and this is how I am coping.

I hope these questions will help you feel better too. Let’s take this one day at a time, which happens to be the title of a cool comedy on Netflix.

Note: this post appeared first in my weekly newsletter The Sunday Spark, sign up here.

What are you missing by choosing to worry?