goals

Good Problems To Have

Bardees, , , Leave a comment

It’s been two years since I found my budgeting rhythm and achieved the goal of tracking and planning expenses. That’s why I had tax payment as an item in my annual budget planned and ready to go. Like every April, I filed my taxes for last year a couple of weeks ago, only to discover that my due tax amount doubled compared to the previous year because my income improved and, of course, due to the crazy local tax jumps we have.

At first, I was mortified; I felt it was unfair for a third-world resident like myself to pay this much tax. Then I remembered a reading from the Daily Stoic; which said:

“You think you’re so special? People have been complaining about their taxes for thousands of years, and now they’re dead. Get over it. This is a good problem to have. Far better than, say, making so little there is nothing left to pay the government.

Income taxes are not the only taxes you pay in life. They are just the financial form. Everything we do has a toll attached to it. Waiting around is a tax on traveling. Rumors and gossip are the taxes that come from acquiring a public persona. Disagreements and occasional frustration are taxes placed on even the happiest of relationships. Theft is a tax on abundance and having things that other people want. Stress and problems are tariffs that come attached to success.”

I also felt grateful (it took a while) for the idea that more taxes means more income. I get to pay taxes. Just like I improved my income last year, I can do it again. This year, however, I will be smarter, keep a tax calculator handy, and budget better for next April.

My favorite sentence in the quote I shared from the book is, “Tax is a good problem to have.” Jon Acuff reminded me of the same idea in one of his courses: Sometimes, we avoid starting a goal because we are worried we will be unable to handle the “problems” resulting from our success. 

Examples of good problems to have:

  • Clothes that get too loose after you lose weight.
  • You’re in high demand to speak at events because you’re excellent at public speaking.
  • Your shop stock might sell out because of the outstanding quality and marketing, and you would apologize to potential buyers.

Yes, you may still need to gain a new skill set to handle your anticipated great success, but you are also growing, learning, and changing every day and acquiring knowledge and experience that will help you solve anything you might face.

Don’t let worrying about the good problems be an excuse for not starting goals. Having good problems means you have succeeded in achieving your goals. Most importantly, trust yourself. You can handle good problems just as you can handle bad ones.

Good Problems To Have

Have You Watered The Forest?

BardeesLeave a comment

Have you watered the forest?

This will be my new relationships mantra! I loved it when I heard it mentioned by the author and podcaster Shane Parrish in his interview with Tim Ferris. He said he always asked himself this question to check if he’s making deposits into the key relationships in his life, his kids and his wife: 

Have you watered the forest enough, or would a little spark set it on fire?

If we nurture our relationships enough, if we water them with little acts of kindness and care, then little problems would stay that way, little, and not turn into big fires that wipe them out.

Best Relationship metaphor I have heard in a while. 

Watering relationship forests is not only about avoiding fires; it’s also about turning the leaves of the forest trees into lavish, luscious greens and growing resilient branches and deep roots that would withstand storms.

Reflecting on this, I also thought that we could say water the garden, but first, it’s not as cool as saying water the forest; second, watering forests is a better reminder because it is an act of God, so we think it will happen naturally, but that’s not how relationships work. We need to be intentional about growing our relationships. We need to make time for calls, texts, and getting together. It does not just happen.

Review your planned goals for this year and check how many are relationship-related. Only a few, if not at all, yes? Although many studies have proved that humans thrive on connection and nurturing relationships, we still do not act on this.

Let’s be wiser and let watering the forest be a goal for us this year.

Have You Watered The Forest?

Seize the Season

BardeesLeave a comment

I bring good news.

The most productive weeks of the year are upon us. Starting now, you have 8 of them to do your best work.

Why 8 weeks?

Because this is how seasons work.

Let me explain.

We started the year with a season of setting and planning goals. Some of us started working on them, while others have not yet moved the needle on any of their goals. Then we had the season of Ramadan, which just ended, and it changed the daily routines and productivity for most of us. And now we are all almost definitely back to our rhythms and have the advantage of warmer weather and longer days. And the end of the 8 weeks marks the holiday of Eid Al-Adha and the start of the kids’ summer break. So, the opportunity to start something or finish something is golden now.

How will you use this window of time?

What will you choose to work on that you will be proud of in 8 weeks?

Please spend some time planning your goals for the 8 weeks and then make a copy of them to see them at your office and home. Make sure you read them every day. Otherwise, life’s busy work will take you somewhere you probably don’t intend to be, and you will forget that you wanted to do these things.

Staying in touch with your goals every day substantially increases the chance of achieving them.

Let’s go!

-This post was first shared in my weekly newsletter The Sunday Spark. Subscribe here.

Seize the Season

Win Your Day: Start Strong with This Question

Bardees, , Leave a comment

I have been applying the highlight-of-the-day idea, which I learned from the book (Make Time), with my goals group members for around six months, and it has been wildly successful in helping them focus during the day.

How do we do it?

At the start of the day, I encourage them to share their goal: What is one thing that, if they finish, would call the day successful? And then, at the end of the day, the group members share the status of their goals.

This daily goal habit helps them define “a successful day” on their own terms and not leave this evaluation to chance. In addition, they get to avoid the feeling of a wasted day many of us have if we don’t start it with intention. I also usually encourage them to share a maximum of three goals as they are sometimes inclined to share their entire to-do list.

My friend and group member told me that this daily goal habit helps her fine-tune her estimate of the time it takes to finish a task and improve it gradually to avoid the planning fallacy we humans are so prone to.

I also share my daily goals with the group because I love the accountability we create; I need to do it because I said I would, and if tasks do not get done, I provide reasons.

Sharing daily goals is also an excellent way to offer mini-coaching sessions if I notice a pattern. For example, a group member set a goal to “finish studying the material.” Some questions I asked:

  • What do you mean? Does it mean you want to stay up all night to finish it, no matter what? (the answer was no)
  • How much time do you really have to finish it?
  • Why not change the goal from “finish studying the material” to “Allocate 120 focused minutes to study” This goal? You can achieve!

When it comes to goals, time is usually the most critical factor in achieving them. How much time can you allocate to do what you say you want to do? Setting the goal this way helps you win, and we all need to feel these wins adding up, or else we will give up on planning before it becomes a habit.

At the beginning of every day, ask: What’s your one goal today? or, what are your top three goals? Remember, any other tasks you come up with need to go to a “Might Do” list; do them if you have time and energy, as author Ali Abdaal advises.

Win Your Day: Start Strong with This Question

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

Bardees, , Leave a comment

When someone calls me to say she’s been stuck in her goals lately, I first ask her: What season are you in?

But I also should ask: What chapter are you in?

Both words, chapter and season, translate the same to Arabic, which might confuse people I ask because when I say it in Arabic, it could be a weather season or a book chapter.

What I mean by this question is what life chapter you’re in.

Is it the chapter of a new job, a new baby, a new home, or a new country? Is it the chapter of in-between jobs, in-between countries, in-between homes, or the chapter of ordinary-nothing-new life? Could it be the chapter of grief or a sick partner or parent?

These life chapters affect the kind of goals you can achieve.

Sometimes, we set our goals according to the chapter we just left as if nothing changed, so our plans no longer work.

Sometimes, we treat new chapters as if they did not happen and still expect the same from ourselves, or worse, we beat ourselves up if we do not achieve the desired results.

Seasons, on the other hand, are different; seasons are cyclical, which means each season will end soon, followed by the other.

At companies, there is the closing of the annual targets season, the objectives and performance reviews season, and the new launches season, among others.

Creatively, I go through seasons of introspection, deep reflection, and writing in my morning pages, then seasons of massive creative output.
For example, last year, I wrote about writing in seasons, which works perfectly for me because it felt like the permission slip I needed to give myself.

I adapted my creative output to mother nature’s cycle and my social and family life seasons. I don’t create workshops or launch courses in the summer; I spend time with my family. Believe me, I tried and learned the hard way that taking courses in summer doesn’t work for my life and probably the same for my target audience. Back-to-school season, however, means back to goals. As Jon Acuff says, September is the slingshot month of the year, just like January.

Physically, I try to adapt my work tasks according to my internal seasons based on my menstrual cycle because I have seen the impact of listening to my body on my life in the past few years. For example, tracking my cycle, helps me define the type of tasks that will feel easier for me each week; if I were in my internal fall season (premenstrual), then editing, analysis, finishing, following up, closing open loops, and decluttering would be ideal tasks.

All these reflections were sparked from listening to an excellent podcast episode by Peter and Jen about chapters where Peter mentioned he is in the chapter of (new dad) and feels it has impacted everything he thinks about. They highlighted that it’s good to remember that chapters end if you’re in the thick of a challenging one and to appreciate the people who are still with you as you close and open life chapters.

Always check whether your ambitious goals make sense for your life chapter and season, and plan accordingly.

It is an act of self-love.

Which chapter/season are you in?

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

Bardees, , Leave a comment

Use your feelings:

  • What would be a relief to get over with before the end of the year? 
  • What is something don’t you want to be talking about planning to do next year? Instead, you want to say it’s done!

Use joy and regret:

  • Joy: Yes! It would be great to get this done. 
  • Regret: I would regret not getting this done now!

Use the calendar:

  • Is there an event you want to be ready for?
  • Is there an externally-imposed deadline that you need to meet?  

If you listed several answers, let these questions help you prioritize :

  • Is there a sense of urgency, time-sensitive or otherwise?
  • Did you promise to do it? 
  • Are you expected to do it?
  • Is it required by your management? 
  • What is at stake if you don’t get it done? 

Tip: Replace (the end of the year) with the end of the week/month/quarter, your Birthday, Christmas, Ramadan, or trip. You get the picture. 

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

What are you working on this month?

Bardees, , 1 Comment

Have you set your goals for this month yet?

If you are not sure how to do so, here are some suggestions for you:

Let your Past Inspire You

The easiest way to set monthly goals would be to review the last month. How did you do?

Rate your key life areas on a scale from 1-10, then write the reason for each rating.

  • Health: How you feel about your body and energy level. 
  • Mental/Emotional: How you feel about your psychological well-being. 
  • Relationships: How you feel about your relationship to: 
    • Spouse/Significant other. 
    • Friends.
    • Family.
  • Finances: Your personal financial situation and your family’s.
  • Work: Your 9-5 job and side projects.  
  • Spiritual Growth: Your connection to God. 
  • Learning: Your educational development. 
  • Personal Environment: Your home and work environment.  
  • Fun & Recreation: Your hobbies, playtime, relaxation, and adventure experiences.  
  • Service & Contribution: How you serve the world/volunteering. 

 If you have done a recent rating, compare the two ratings, and see what changed.

The lowest rating is a good indication of what needs more attention from you in the coming weeks. You could set your goals based on your insights from the different ratings.

You can also take goals from last month that you have not accomplished yet, and move them to the new month. But first, it is vital to check why you didn’t achieve them in the first place. What’s the blocking point? 

For example, I have not meditated but once or twice last month. When I dug deeper, I noticed the friction. The area where I used to meditate is full of clutter due to moving some furniture around, so I decided to declutter that area and get back to my good habit this month. 

Let Your Future Inspire You

You can set your monthly goals by looking over the month ahead; what’s coming up soon? Do you have an event to plan for? A birthday, an anniversary, a meeting? While such events might not be personal goals, they are still projects that will take a good chunk of your time which you need to consider.

Are You a Goal-setting Pro?

  • You can check your list of annual goals to see which of them fits this season of your life. 
  • You can check your word of the year to come up with ideas on how to bring it to life this month.

Success Secrets

Think about when you will work on your goals. Until you set time to work on your goals, they will keep floating out there. Book yourself. I usually set time to work on goals on the mornings of my weekends, or when I know the kids will be occupied, so I have an hour or two to myself. 

Write your monthly goals on a piece of paper that you see daily. I tape them to my computer screen usually. Visibility is key to success. Don’t keep that paper for more than a quarter there. Replace it. I have recently started taping my weekly goals to my screen, and it helped me stick to them.

Habits Reminder

As for the habits you want to grow in the new month, you need to define them, decide when you will do them during the day, write them in your habit tracker, and, just like goals, keep them visible. I usually track the same habits for a quarter and then come up with new habits to track in the new quarter. For example, I tracked washing the dishes for a while, and then I added the habit of wiping kitchen surfaces later.

Are you ready to set goals? Do you feel more excited about this month? Let me know if this post was helpful to you; I’d love to know your thoughts.

What are you working on this month?

Notice the Mosquitoes

Bardees, , Leave a comment

I’m currently reading a book called How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters by Michael Bungay Stanier. It’s an excellent book/workbook about goal-setting for what he calls Worthy Goals.

I want to share a brilliant exercise in this book called Listing Mosquitoes.

“Your Worthy Goal comes with a cloud of its own Mosquitoes. These Mosquitoes are all the things you’re currently doing and not doing—secular sins of commission and of omission—that are contrary to this Worthy Goal you’ve set for yourself. You’ll find they’re numerous. Some are tiny, others more significant. No single Mosquito is fatal in and of itself, but together they irritate you, weaken you, slow you down, and distract you from your Worthy Goal.”

“Notice Your Mosquitoes: Write down the things you’re currently doing and not doing that are not leading towards your Worthy Goal. Actions and non-actions, big and small. Make them tangible and real.”

“This is you confessing, owning up to the ways you’re actively undermining your Worthy Goal, colluding against your own ambitions, scuttling your dreams.”

It especially resonated when he gave the example of his goal to “Launch a new podcast that is in the top 3 percent of all podcasts within 12 months”.

Michael shares what he is currently doing that is hindering his goal:

“Things I’m doing that are contrary to this goal include: investing in a consultant then ignoring her recommendations; setting a standard then immediately downgrading the ambition of the podcast to make it smaller; starting another, unrelated podcast that I can do in my usual small-scale way; being timid about the guests I’m inviting to the unrelated podcast; buying expensive podcast equipment then not learning how to set it up properly. Refusing to figure out the marketing.”

What he should be doing but is not:

“Things I’m not doing are even more numerous. They include: not creating a vision for the podcast; not setting a budget (time or money); not listening to other “role model” podcasts; not hiring a professional podcasting agency; not attending a podcasting conference; not learning about podcast marketing; not calling myself a podcast host; not exploring distribution partnerships.”

It made me think of my podcast as I approach its 2nd anniversary with host-on-mic only episodes. Do I want to maintain it or take it to the next level? What is this next level?

Thank you, Michael, for this rich book and enlightening concept. I am working my way through it.

Notice the Mosquitoes

What reminders do you keep visible?

Bardees, 1 Comment

I love goals cards that I recommend creating to keep your goals visible throughout the year. I also keep my Word of the Year and affirmations written on cards in front of me. I actually have one affirmations card for work, right below my computer screen, and another one for my personal life which I keep at my home office. Some people keep a copy of their vision boards on their mirrors or their closet’s door or enjoy positive post-it reminders scattered around the places they hang out most. I keep the steps of my check-in and check-out work rituals stuck to the left side of my screen to read them and make sure I cover all steps for better workdays.

The thing with these visual reminders, however, is that they fade to serve their purpose with time; we get so used to seeing them every day that they blend into the furniture. So, we stop reading them, even subconsciously, dare I say. Or the ink literllay fades.

What to do instead?

Keep your goals and words and affirmations visible; that’s key, but change them up to stay connected to them. Now and then, relocate them, rewrite them in different colors, or use another color of post-its. Do what you need to help your brain re-notice them.

At the beginning of each new quarter this year, I will rewrite my annual work goals, my affirmations, and of course, write my updated personal goals for the new quarter.

Today, I am ready to rewrite my check-in and check-out work routines that have been there for months, and I plan to renew them in the second half of the year. I think that should do it.

What about you?

What important reminders do you keep visible in your environment?

What reminders do you keep visible?

Compared to last year

Bardees, , Leave a comment

During my weekly preview call with my accountability partner last week, I got a huge insight that I kept reflecting on since then, and wanted to share with you here.

Keen as always, she noticed that I had a pattern lately in the way I talked, so she was kind enough to hold up the mirror for me to see it. It was the comparison trap again, this time with my 2020 self.

The year 2020 was indeed a big year for me. I had the luxury of time, especially during quarantine, which helped me get goals moving forward like launching my podcast and The Power of Now video series, in addition to decluttering my home among other achievements. In our recent calls, I kept repeating the sentence: “Compared to last year, I felt happier, things were more exciting, I did more…etc.”

She gently asked me to notice this and to remind myself that every year comes with its own elements. It is not fair to myself to overlook the consistent and hard efforts I’ve been putting forth this year. Moreover, the exposure I am lucky to have this year is way bigger than last year’s.

Yes, we do compare ourselves to others and most times it doesn’t feel great, but we can be really hard on ourselves when we compare our current selves to our past selves who lived different seasons which we may or may not live again.  

Another note we discussed was that perhaps starting things is more exciting than keeping at them, and that’s where discipline and remembering our why comes in. I also need to ask myself “How can I bring joy to this moment?” more often and act on the answer, and definitely pat myself on the back kindly saying: “Well done, Bardees, you have come a long way”.

Say it to yourself please: “Well done, (your name) you have come a long way.”

Happy Back-to-School Season by the way.

Compared to last year