Author: Bardees

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

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In the previous post, I shared why we quit our resolutions. In this post, I’ll help you start them or get them back on track.

Write the why of the resolution.

What would you gain by committing to it? How would you feel in a month, three months, six months, or a year? What changes will you or the people around you experience because of it?

More importantly, what would you lose if you didn’t pursue this resolution now? What’s at stake for you, your relationships, health, money, or career if you quit? 

Write your why. You will need it again in the future, trust me. Write as many reasons as you can and highlight the most important ones after. Those are the ones you connect with on a deep emotional level, not just intellectually. 

Read your why every few weeks as part of your monthly reviews. 

In his recent book, How to Begin, author Michael Bungay Stanier recommends using “For the sake of …” instead of “why”.

“I find “Why?” a pretty hard question to answer. I end up spouting sweeping, self-justifying generalizations that I don’t quite believe myself. A more nuanced way to reach the same destination is to see if I can complete this phrase that I add on to the Worthy Goal: “for the sake of…”. When I think of some of the Worthy Goals I’ve achieved, I’ve been able to offer up a strong answer to the question “Why?” For the End Malaria book I created and edited in 2011, it was “for the sake of saving lives” (it raised $400k for Malaria No More). 

Use habit trackers:

I’ve been using habit trackers since I started waking up early in 2016, and reading Atomic Habits confirmed that they are helpful in many ways, such as:

1. Habit trackers in the right place in your environment or on your favorite tracking apps make the habit trigger visible, so they remind you to do it.

I place my morning habits tracker on my desk and my evening habits tracker on my fridge in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time at home. 

2. Habit trackers make the habit satisfying to complete every day: 

Until we start feeling and seeing changes in our lives due to the new positive habits, tracking a habit by crossing off each day we commit it to makes it satisfying in itself. It reinforces our new identity as the kind of people (healthy, mindful spender, good parent) who do this kind of habit (walk, monitor expenses, read books to kids). We see our progress on the tracker even if we still don’t see the results in our lives. 

Use Personal Metrics:

If you don’t want to use the chain method to track your habits, develop personal metrics as suggested by the author Cal Newport. A personal metric is a number you want to track and record every day, like the number of steps you walk, the number of hours you spend on social media or the number of water glasses you have. Add it to your daily reminders and agenda and include it in your reviews.

Join or create a group:

Join a group that is already committed to the habit, or start your habit group for interested people. Groups sharing the same goal make it more attractive, and the accountability of members significantly increases. We also love to belong in groups; it’s in our DNA. 

Announce your new habit.

Another way of creating accountability is announcing your new habit and sharing your progress with a circle of your choice. It could be a family WhatsApp group or the stories on social media. Studies proved that sharing your implementation intentions increases the chances of follow-through.  

Make your habit flexible:

You can combat perfectionism using the MTO method that Tanya Dalton shares in her book, On Purpose:

“MTO METHOD: Set a Minimum, a Target, and an Outrageous measurement for yourself. Example: Each month I will save a minimum of $75, but I will target saving $100. If possible, I will save the outrageous amount of $150 dollars.”

This technique reminds you that life happens. We will break our chains and forget about our personal metrics and whys. We need to prepare for those challenges by making our habits flexible off the bat. You show up with your minimum in those days. You already planned for them. And you perform outrageously wonderful in those better weeks you are also bound to have.

Which technique(s) is your favorite? Which will you use?

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

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It’s February, and this is when studies say 80% of people quit their New Year’s Resolutions. I wrote this post to help you be in the 20%.

We have three main challenges when it comes to sticking to resolutions.

The Future Self Problem:

The future self problem has been discovered by professor Hal Hershfield through MRI studies of the human brain, which showed that certain areas in the human brain get activated when you think of your current self; however, when you think of a celebrity whom you like but have never met; other brain areas get activated. Interestingly, those same areas light up when you think of yourself in 10 years. We see our future selves as people we’re familiar with and like, but strangers, nevertheless, whom we don’t know or even genuinely care about.

The Temporal Discounting Problem:

The human brain has evolved to prefer instant rewards over future ones as a survival mechanism that served our ancestors well in the wilderness. We learned to place a higher value on the present, so we discount the value and importance of the future. That’s why we stay up late and regret it the second day. The current night self ignores the morning self, putting it in trouble.

These two challenges become prominent when it comes to habits. We keep on making unhealthy choices because the rewards are instantaneous; we feel the dopamine in our bodies when we have a piece of cake or join a group for a cigarette outside. However, the consequences of negative habits are delayed; they happen to someone we don’t care about, our future lookalike. On the other hand, as James Clear explains in Atomic Habits, positive habits are a bit painful in the present; they require us to stretch those muscles, withhold spending money, or experience some discomfort. In contrast, their advantages to our overall well-being are delayed. Accordingly, not seeing the immediate positive impact of new habits, by February, for example, makes us quit our New Year’s resolutions too soon.

Perfectionism:

We quit because we demand of ourselves a 100% that nobody asked of us. We can not tolerate 80% or 60%. It’s the very familiar all-or-nothing mindset, the 100% or 0%, as Jon Acuff shares in Finish. We often think if we hadn’t committed well so far today, or this week, or this month, we might as well forget about the whole thing. We self-sabotage, thereby dismissing any little progress we made. And that’s a trap that we can easily fall into if we are not paying attention.

What should we do to overcome these hurdles?

That’s my post for tomorrow.

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

What reminders do you keep visible?

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I love goals cards that I recommend creating to keep your goals visible throughout the year. I also keep my Word of the Year and affirmations written on cards in front of me. I actually have one affirmations card for work, right below my computer screen, and another one for my personal life which I keep at my home office. Some people keep a copy of their vision boards on their mirrors or their closet’s door or enjoy positive post-it reminders scattered around the places they hang out most. I keep the steps of my check-in and check-out work rituals stuck to the left side of my screen to read them and make sure I cover all steps for better workdays.

The thing with these visual reminders, however, is that they fade to serve their purpose with time; we get so used to seeing them every day that they blend into the furniture. So, we stop reading them, even subconsciously, dare I say. Or the ink literllay fades.

What to do instead?

Keep your goals and words and affirmations visible; that’s key, but change them up to stay connected to them. Now and then, relocate them, rewrite them in different colors, or use another color of post-its. Do what you need to help your brain re-notice them.

At the beginning of each new quarter this year, I will rewrite my annual work goals, my affirmations, and of course, write my updated personal goals for the new quarter.

Today, I am ready to rewrite my check-in and check-out work routines that have been there for months, and I plan to renew them in the second half of the year. I think that should do it.

What about you?

What important reminders do you keep visible in your environment?

What reminders do you keep visible?

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

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I wish I would remember this question right when challenging situations arise in my life, not after them.

This question transfers us almost instantly to an elevated state of being. It re-orders consequences and gives us perspective. It shines a spotlight on the ripple effect of a yes, a no, or an outburst.

Asking this question brings forth the more powerful, rational, and empowered version of ourselves. We ask that best version or Self with big s to take over. We ask the Self to protect us from falling into the temptations of immaturity, impulsivity, and immediate gratification.

We need to remember that we have that Self inside of us at all times. We can call upon it using powerful questions like this one.

For good measure, I would add a little prayer, too.

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

No Cinderella Writing

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After I arrived early to work today, I had my daily friendly chit-chat with the one other early co-worker, filled my water bottle, lit up my cinnamon candle (still going strong since Christmas), got out my new eyeglasses, and opened up my daily and weekly planners. Then, I set my beautiful timer for 30 minutes to write and publish this post.

It’s February 1st, and just like last year, I’m starting the habit of writing frequently here. Notice that I didn’t say daily, although I really really want to write daily, like Seth and Rohan; however, reviewing last year showed me that writing on weekends did not work. I got frustrated every time I forgot about it then acted all Cinderella when I sat at my desk at 11:30 PM trying to ship a post before midnight. I forgot simply because the trigger of the habit of writing was not there. The trigger is arriving early to an empty office to finish my post before everybody comes.

This year I’m publishing four posts a week from Monday to Thursday (the workdays in my part of the world), and I’m taking a break on Fridays and Saturdays. Sunday’s writing session is reserved for my Sunday Spark newsletter.

I attempted to write some posts privately in January to keep the practice of writing and also prepare a queue to publish daily in February. Alas, I took a look at them now and noticed they were fewer than I remember and not that great.

The queue idea did not work so far. Ideally, my perfect self would write on weekends anyway to honor the writing habit and build up a queue for rainy writing days. I said ideally, so no commitment to this part for now.

Happy to be back in your inbox from Monday-Thursday! Subscribe to my newsletter to See me on Sundays too.

No Cinderella Writing

What are you missing by choosing to worry?

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When I think about my upcoming week and how my evenings will also be all about working with my 3rd grader on her 2nd monthly assessments, I get discouraged and feel I want to skip right to Thursday, my easiest evening.

Then I remind myself of question #6 from 12 (Stoic) Questions That Will Change Your Life by Ryan Holiday, which says:

“What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid?”

The answer is, I am missing the fact that she still depends on me for her school work and that it’s going to be sooner than I expect when she would tell me, “I got it, mum, thank you”. I am missing the chance to feel how amazing that I am managing my job and Amman’s crazy traffic to be home on time for her and get our heads together to focus on the task at hand.

I also think about question 10:

“Does this actually matter?”

And my answer is that in the big picture, this doesn’t matter. Yes, I have 1 or 2 weeks of full evenings every few weeks; but as long we are recovering after, we are going to be just fine. I’ll take it one evening at a time.

I am also reminding myself that we had more fun than usual this weekend and we chose to study less than our normal dose. Having fun matters, and it made the weekend feel nicely longer.

Parents with older kids, I can guess what you’re thinking: “Wait till grade X then start talking”. Well, this is where I am right now and this is how I am coping.

I hope these questions will help you feel better too. Let’s take this one day at a time, which happens to be the title of a cool comedy on Netflix.

Note: this post appeared first in my weekly newsletter The Sunday Spark, sign up here.

What are you missing by choosing to worry?

A Note about November

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I found a note I wrote to myself last year that said: 

“November is the last month of the year, act accordingly.”

 Before you panic, see if this makes sense to you too.

I wrote that note after finding that it took me some time, well into mid-January to be honest, to review my previous year and complete the goal-setting exercise for the new year. And while I believe we can set goals anytime we want because I agree with “There is nothing magical about January 1st”;  I also believe in the power of collective beginnings.  

That is why I decided last year that I would dedicate December for my goal-setting exercise and wrote that note-to-self.

Have you ever done that?

I am excited that this time I won’t be doing it alone. I will do it with you in my mini-course launching soon!

Add your email to be the first to know.

A Note about November

Figuring Out My Why

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In a recent podcast interview with me, I was asked why I was doing all this, “this” meaning this blog, my Instagram content and my podcast. Especially that I am still not generating money from it.

To be candid, I have yet to formulate my specific smart why according to Simon Sinek’s methodology in Finding Your Why book. However, I can easily say my reason is to Teach.

“Teach” happened to be my word of the year 2019, which I embodied that year by sharing weekly videos on Instagram about books I read and self development experiments I applied and benefited from and thought worth spreading.

In my previous job, I remember a conversation with my boss asking for her approval to be part of a soft-skills-in-house trainers program and to take 2 days of official leave to give a training program to other fellow employees, with another expert trainer. I told her almost these exact words: “To feel happier in my job, I need to do this training”. I got the approval and did it, and it was great, I felt I was in my element.

A couple of years before that training, I was attending a-soft-skills training myself as first-time team leader and I enjoyed that training so much that I kept answering all the questions enthusiastically, too much so that I can easily remind you of Monica character in friends, “Me, me, me, I know, I know!”. The topics he discussed was all what I love to read and talk about. I was even approached by the trainer later on for an opportunity to work with them. I took one session of TOT (training of the trainers) with them, but things did not work out due to changes happening in their organization. We are still friends to this day.

In my early work years, I volunteered with Injaz, a local non-profit organization to teach various important life skills, such like decision-making and problem-solving, to young public school students. It was such a rewarding experience.
As a kid, of course, I liked using the blackboard my parents installed for us to play teacher with my siblings. They had to oblige as I am their big sister.

You see how the theme of teaching has been around in my life for years?

That’s why I felt thrilled when I recently discovered that my Enneagram type was 5, the totem, and my Sparektype was the Sage, also the one who gets sparked to life by teaching. It was simply a validation of the choices I already made.

The medium of teaching for me evolved from writing on this blog to making videos and then creating my podcast and of course going Live on Instagarm consistently since last year. I feel the most alive when I study a subject and share the knowledge I acquire with others.

In my current job, I created Sales Talk Tuesdays to help new recruits learn from the experience of their seniors to support them in their onboarding, and for me learn more about selling and also teach what I learned about the human behavior that will help and motivate these employees in their daily work.

I create opportunities to live what makes me most alive.

What about you? Did you figure out what brings you to life?

Figuring Out My Why

Insights from my latest creative endeavor

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I am writing this post feeling lighter than usual as I finally shipped my latest podcast episode out to the world about women’s productivity according to the 4 seasons of the menstrual cycle. I insisted on publishing it on a Saturday at 9:30 PM, which was too late in the day for anybody to listen, because it was time for this labor of love to take a life of its own and for people to experience it. I, on the other hand, needed to free the space this episode was renting inside me, for a new endeavor and a new week of possibilities.

The creative process behind this episode was very interesting.

I kept wondering why I was not starting, and the answer was the script. Reading, writing and editing the script took 70% of the effort put into this episode. I haven’t recently tracked time I spent working on an episode, but a quick math showed I spent at least 20 hours of hard work on this one. I edited the script too many times that I stopped counting. I recorded 40 minutes and deleted them all at one point. I felt I could study the subject for 2 more months and still not be ready to talk about it, but I persisted and reminded myself that what I learned about it thus far was good enough to be shared.

Hitting “Publish” on this one felt like a sweet relief. I am now ready to move on to the next project.

Indebted to the amazing book Period Power by Maisie Hill for all the knowledge I gained and used in preparing this episode.

Insights from my latest creative endeavor

What a pastor said about time management

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I was mesmerized by this sentence that a Lutheran pastor named Amy shared with Cal Newport, “Time management is a core spiritual practice.” It deeply resonated with me and my increasing interest in time management.

Planning our days helps us appreciate how finite time is. Practicing digital minimalism helps use our time and attention better. When we plan our day we can be present with whatever task we have; it’s the task we planned to do and this is the time allocated for it and that’s how our monkey brain can quiet down.

Then, we can experience the dimension of presence and flow in our work.

It also reminded me of what Nir Eyal said, “Time management is pain management”. Can you stay with your uncomfortable feelings long enough without initiating distraction?

What a pastor said about time management