goals

Are You Taking Fun Seriously?

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Yesterday I recharged my battery by having fun.

I went laser-tagging for the first time thanks to a generous invitation from a friend who arranged the whole event. I wouldn’t have thought about going if it was not for my friend, which makes me wonder about the fun element in my life. It went missing in the last two months of my personal hibernation.

True, I was enjoying the quiet this period of the year uniquely offers, so I did not get together with my friends while many of them were, unfortunately, busy recovering from COVID. Not to forget we all got worried about the peak we witnessed in cases here in Jordan in the last month. I discussed the fun aspect with my friend and we agreed that the pandemic indeed changed our gatherings habits, thus diminishing the fun we have. A lot of us are not even considering going out anymore.

Thankfully, this is coming to an end, and we are ready to embrace new habits as COVID is withdrawing and the days are getting longer and warmer.

I am planning to have more fun, starting this month, by:

1- Going to a dance class once a week. It’s been on my goals for nearly three years and I hope it’s going to be as cool as I imagine it.
2- Using my magical Saturdays (What I call Saturdays when kids are at school while I’m off) not just for podcast production and appointments, even if they were beauty appointments, but also for meeting up with friends for coffee or lunch.
3- Going out at night once every two weeks with hubby or some friends who can’t do mornings.

If we want fun to happen, we need to create space in our schedule for it, just like we schedule family and work events. It will not occur spontaneously, as lovely as that would be, not with our responsibilities, not until we initiate that group text chain about a meet-up date that suits most of the gang or make that “Hey, I miss you, let’s get together” call.

I am so serious about fun that I got Catherine Price’s new book on it The Power of Fun. I will share more as I go.

Are You Taking Fun Seriously?

Notice the Mosquitoes

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I’m currently reading a book called How to Begin: Start Doing Something That Matters by Michael Bungay Stanier. It’s an excellent book/workbook about goal-setting for what he calls Worthy Goals.

I want to share a brilliant exercise in this book called Listing Mosquitoes.

“Your Worthy Goal comes with a cloud of its own Mosquitoes. These Mosquitoes are all the things you’re currently doing and not doing—secular sins of commission and of omission—that are contrary to this Worthy Goal you’ve set for yourself. You’ll find they’re numerous. Some are tiny, others more significant. No single Mosquito is fatal in and of itself, but together they irritate you, weaken you, slow you down, and distract you from your Worthy Goal.”

“Notice Your Mosquitoes: Write down the things you’re currently doing and not doing that are not leading towards your Worthy Goal. Actions and non-actions, big and small. Make them tangible and real.”

“This is you confessing, owning up to the ways you’re actively undermining your Worthy Goal, colluding against your own ambitions, scuttling your dreams.”

It especially resonated when he gave the example of his goal to “Launch a new podcast that is in the top 3 percent of all podcasts within 12 months”.

Michael shares what he is currently doing that is hindering his goal:

“Things I’m doing that are contrary to this goal include: investing in a consultant then ignoring her recommendations; setting a standard then immediately downgrading the ambition of the podcast to make it smaller; starting another, unrelated podcast that I can do in my usual small-scale way; being timid about the guests I’m inviting to the unrelated podcast; buying expensive podcast equipment then not learning how to set it up properly. Refusing to figure out the marketing.”

What he should be doing but is not:

“Things I’m not doing are even more numerous. They include: not creating a vision for the podcast; not setting a budget (time or money); not listening to other “role model” podcasts; not hiring a professional podcasting agency; not attending a podcasting conference; not learning about podcast marketing; not calling myself a podcast host; not exploring distribution partnerships.”

It made me think of my podcast as I approach its 2nd anniversary with host-on-mic only episodes. Do I want to maintain it or take it to the next level? What is this next level?

Thank you, Michael, for this rich book and enlightening concept. I am working my way through it.

Notice the Mosquitoes

My Words of the Year 2022

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In the previous post, I shared with you why you should set a word for the year. Now I would like to share with you my three words for 2022.

Release:

(Dictionary definition: to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude, to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses, to give up in favor of another, to give permission for publication, performance, exhibition, or sale, also: to make available to the public).

I have been using this word for months as a symbol of renewal and starting over whenever a new menstrual cycle begins. This year, I want to use it to remember to:

  • Release feelings of disappointment and sadness through journaling, conversations with close family and friends, and commitment to my spiritual practice.
  • Release beliefs that don’t serve me.
  • Release content consistently on my blog, podcast, and social media.
  • Release attachment to outcome and focus on the process.
  • Release clutter from my home continuously by making it a habit.
  • Respect my monthly menstrual release and plan my schedule accordingly.

Cherish:

(Dictionary definition: to treat with tenderness and affection; to nurture with care; to protect and aid). This word goes beyond focused attention. It’s my family word for this year.

  • It reminds me to enjoy my time with my kids because they will not be this young again, and that time passes by too fast if we’re not mindful.
  • I want to cherish time with our bigger family whenever we’re together. Most of them are in different countries and get together once a year.
  • I want to cherish my kids’ four healthy grandparents, take more photos, and be more present.

Prolific:

(Dictionary definition: marked by abundant inventiveness or productivity).

I’ve always loved this word when used to describe an author or an artist. I, too, want to generate a prolific body of work through committing to my creative writing practice, starting by committing to this blog, which will help me generate podcast episodes and material to teach in other formats.

I am really excited to live my words and live up to them. Wishing you the same.

My Words of the Year 2022

Why should you choose a Word for the Year?

Bardees, , 1 Comment

I have been choosing a word of the year since 2019, and I’m not planning to stop. Today I want to encourage you to pick yours. 

The Word of the Year is an exercise where you choose a theme or a priority for you in the new year. It could focus on your inner world, like a feeling you want to experience, or your outer world, like your behavior and choices, or it could be a quality you want to cultivate in yourself. 

This word would help you filter the decisions you make. It would encourage you if/when feel down and remind you of what’s important. It should make you feel alive and inspired. This word should represent an evolution for you. It declares what you want more of in your life. It’s important to remember to choose your word out of self-love, not due to the shame of your past mistakes. 

If you feel inclined, you can pick a mantra instead of a word to guide you throughout the year, just like I did last year, or one main word and two supporting words. 

Ryan Holiday also encouraged us to choose one word of the year in his Daily Stoic Challenge earlier this January. He says:

“What is important is that the word is not chosen for you in retrospect, by the course of events, because you couldn’t decide. You can see what that looks like if you reflect on where we have found ourselves as a culture these last few years. A lot of us have been calling 2021 “abnormal.” 2020 was “unprecedented.” Search 2016 stories on Google and it isn’t long before you run into the phrase “worst year ever.” In this way, every year seems to end up with its own word. The idea … is we choose the word for the year, instead of letting the year choose the word for us after it’s all over.”

The word of the year is the most fun exercise I do every year during goal-setting and my friends agree, and shared this with me: 

My friend Dina said:

“I have been applying the word of the year method for 3 years in a row. I like It because it is pretty simple but also sophisticated at the same time. The word of the year sets a momentum and an intentional theme for my year to design my professional and personal objectives around it and keeps me focused.”

My friend Diana said:

“Because of you, I picked my word for the year, which was courage, and God oh God, how much that affected me this year, I feel like a different person, mature and confident, so much changed and so much improved. I thank you for that and for your impact on my growth journey.”

A quick guide to help you choose your word of the year:

  1. Keep your ears and eyes open to words that catch your attention in songs, quotes, conversations, and books.
  2. Keep collecting favorite words and checking them against your goals of the year.
  3. Check #wordoftheyear hashtag or my latest post on Instagarm.
  4. Your word of the year is not a quick exercise; give it a few days, use time to narrow your list of words to your favorites.
  5. Your word of the year will speak to your heart and provoke powerful feelings in you.
  6. Your word of the year could come to you while walking or driving or right after you wake up. It will find you.
  7. I found out about One Word work by Jon Gordon recently, and it’s pretty interesting, check the resources here.  

When you finally choose your word of the year, share it with your friends! Keep it visible on your desk or on a whiteboard, on your phone, and even on your body as a piece of jewelry, if that’s your thing. 

To stay connected to it, incorporate your word of the year in your weekly/monthly/quarterly reviews using questions like: “How did I live my word —– last week?” 

So, have you picked your word yet?

It’s not too late. Start hunting. 

Why should you choose a Word for the Year?

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

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In the previous post, I shared why we quit our resolutions. In this post, I’ll help you start them or get them back on track.

Write the why of the resolution.

What would you gain by committing to it? How would you feel in a month, three months, six months, or a year? What changes will you or the people around you experience because of it?

More importantly, what would you lose if you didn’t pursue this resolution now? What’s at stake for you, your relationships, health, money, or career if you quit? 

Write your why. You will need it again in the future, trust me. Write as many reasons as you can and highlight the most important ones after. Those are the ones you connect with on a deep emotional level, not just intellectually. 

Read your why every few weeks as part of your monthly reviews. 

In his recent book, How to Begin, author Michael Bungay Stanier recommends using “For the sake of …” instead of “why”.

“I find “Why?” a pretty hard question to answer. I end up spouting sweeping, self-justifying generalizations that I don’t quite believe myself. A more nuanced way to reach the same destination is to see if I can complete this phrase that I add on to the Worthy Goal: “for the sake of…”. When I think of some of the Worthy Goals I’ve achieved, I’ve been able to offer up a strong answer to the question “Why?” For the End Malaria book I created and edited in 2011, it was “for the sake of saving lives” (it raised $400k for Malaria No More). 

Use habit trackers:

I’ve been using habit trackers since I started waking up early in 2016, and reading Atomic Habits confirmed that they are helpful in many ways, such as:

1. Habit trackers in the right place in your environment or on your favorite tracking apps make the habit trigger visible, so they remind you to do it.

I place my morning habits tracker on my desk and my evening habits tracker on my fridge in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time at home. 

2. Habit trackers make the habit satisfying to complete every day: 

Until we start feeling and seeing changes in our lives due to the new positive habits, tracking a habit by crossing off each day we commit it to makes it satisfying in itself. It reinforces our new identity as the kind of people (healthy, mindful spender, good parent) who do this kind of habit (walk, monitor expenses, read books to kids). We see our progress on the tracker even if we still don’t see the results in our lives. 

Use Personal Metrics:

If you don’t want to use the chain method to track your habits, develop personal metrics as suggested by the author Cal Newport. A personal metric is a number you want to track and record every day, like the number of steps you walk, the number of hours you spend on social media or the number of water glasses you have. Add it to your daily reminders and agenda and include it in your reviews.

Join or create a group:

Join a group that is already committed to the habit, or start your habit group for interested people. Groups sharing the same goal make it more attractive, and the accountability of members significantly increases. We also love to belong in groups; it’s in our DNA. 

Announce your new habit.

Another way of creating accountability is announcing your new habit and sharing your progress with a circle of your choice. It could be a family WhatsApp group or the stories on social media. Studies proved that sharing your implementation intentions increases the chances of follow-through.  

Make your habit flexible:

You can combat perfectionism using the MTO method that Tanya Dalton shares in her book, On Purpose:

“MTO METHOD: Set a Minimum, a Target, and an Outrageous measurement for yourself. Example: Each month I will save a minimum of $75, but I will target saving $100. If possible, I will save the outrageous amount of $150 dollars.”

This technique reminds you that life happens. We will break our chains and forget about our personal metrics and whys. We need to prepare for those challenges by making our habits flexible off the bat. You show up with your minimum in those days. You already planned for them. And you perform outrageously wonderful in those better weeks you are also bound to have.

Which technique(s) is your favorite? Which will you use?

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

Bardees, , 1 Comment

It’s February, and this is when studies say 80% of people quit their New Year’s Resolutions. I wrote this post to help you be in the 20%.

We have three main challenges when it comes to sticking to resolutions.

The Future Self Problem:

The future self problem has been discovered by professor Hal Hershfield through MRI studies of the human brain, which showed that certain areas in the human brain get activated when you think of your current self; however, when you think of a celebrity whom you like but have never met; other brain areas get activated. Interestingly, those same areas light up when you think of yourself in 10 years. We see our future selves as people we’re familiar with and like, but strangers, nevertheless, whom we don’t know or even genuinely care about.

The Temporal Discounting Problem:

The human brain has evolved to prefer instant rewards over future ones as a survival mechanism that served our ancestors well in the wilderness. We learned to place a higher value on the present, so we discount the value and importance of the future. That’s why we stay up late and regret it the second day. The current night self ignores the morning self, putting it in trouble.

These two challenges become prominent when it comes to habits. We keep on making unhealthy choices because the rewards are instantaneous; we feel the dopamine in our bodies when we have a piece of cake or join a group for a cigarette outside. However, the consequences of negative habits are delayed; they happen to someone we don’t care about, our future lookalike. On the other hand, as James Clear explains in Atomic Habits, positive habits are a bit painful in the present; they require us to stretch those muscles, withhold spending money, or experience some discomfort. In contrast, their advantages to our overall well-being are delayed. Accordingly, not seeing the immediate positive impact of new habits, by February, for example, makes us quit our New Year’s resolutions too soon.

Perfectionism:

We quit because we demand of ourselves a 100% that nobody asked of us. We can not tolerate 80% or 60%. It’s the very familiar all-or-nothing mindset, the 100% or 0%, as Jon Acuff shares in Finish. We often think if we hadn’t committed well so far today, or this week, or this month, we might as well forget about the whole thing. We self-sabotage, thereby dismissing any little progress we made. And that’s a trap that we can easily fall into if we are not paying attention.

What should we do to overcome these hurdles?

That’s my post for tomorrow.

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

What reminders do you keep visible?

Bardees, 1 Comment

I love goals cards that I recommend creating to keep your goals visible throughout the year. I also keep my Word of the Year and affirmations written on cards in front of me. I actually have one affirmations card for work, right below my computer screen, and another one for my personal life which I keep at my home office. Some people keep a copy of their vision boards on their mirrors or their closet’s door or enjoy positive post-it reminders scattered around the places they hang out most. I keep the steps of my check-in and check-out work rituals stuck to the left side of my screen to read them and make sure I cover all steps for better workdays.

The thing with these visual reminders, however, is that they fade to serve their purpose with time; we get so used to seeing them every day that they blend into the furniture. So, we stop reading them, even subconsciously, dare I say. Or the ink literllay fades.

What to do instead?

Keep your goals and words and affirmations visible; that’s key, but change them up to stay connected to them. Now and then, relocate them, rewrite them in different colors, or use another color of post-its. Do what you need to help your brain re-notice them.

At the beginning of each new quarter this year, I will rewrite my annual work goals, my affirmations, and of course, write my updated personal goals for the new quarter.

Today, I am ready to rewrite my check-in and check-out work routines that have been there for months, and I plan to renew them in the second half of the year. I think that should do it.

What about you?

What important reminders do you keep visible in your environment?

What reminders do you keep visible?

The 101 to Personal Budgeting

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How many of us really know what goes on with our money? For some people, our money is like an airplane black box. It’s a just a mystery to us. If we were to live successful lives we need to work on our finances and the first step in this journey is learning how to create a budget.
Yesterday I hosted a Live session with the super money coach Christeen Haddadin for the second time, where she shared with us a step-by-step guide to budgeting.

Highlights from the Live:

  1. We need to change our mindset about having a personal budget, budgets will free us up, not limit us. They will put us in charge of our money instead of having our money run itself, which means we would run out of it needlessly.
  2. Creating a budget is setting jobs for every Dinar we make. These jobs will help us cover our expenses on nonnegotiable needs, and also differentiate them from wants that we could do without.
  3. We start a budget exercise by adding up our annual income including bonuses, and any planned returns we expect. In case it’s a non-fixed income, we look at last year and take 2 scenarios, the average monthly income and a more conservative one based on the income worst 3 months of that year.
  4. We lay out our fixed monthly expenses like rent, car fuel, groceries, phone bill.
  5. We lay out our quarterly/semiannual and annual expenses such as car license & insurance, family birthdays, tax, life insurance and so on, and let’s call these the annual payments
  6. We save money every month to the above account of annual payments, so we would not be shocked when it’s our daughter’s birthday again, and we need to spend money on a little party for her. Example if we have car insurance of 500$ due in June we need to save 100$ every month from Jan-May to the annual payments account in order to be ready to seamlessly do the payment in June.
  7. It takes time to build an emergency fund, and it’s up to us to decide how many months it should cover, 3, 6 or even 12 months. It depends on the stability of our income, the less stable, the higher the emergency fund needs to be.
  8. We also talked about bad debt and good debt, where good debt is what you pay for assets like mortgage or land. Bad debt is what you pay for consumer loans like car loan or credit card interest rate. We need to check online debt calculator to see how much interest we are truly paying and look into increasing our monthly payments to reduce the interest amount that we are paying.
  9. Last tip we discussed was about engaging with our money on a daily basis, especially since most of us are not using it in cash, by logging in to our bank applications and checking the status of our accounts.
The 101 to Personal Budgeting

Compared to last year

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During my weekly preview call with my accountability partner last week, I got a huge insight that I kept reflecting on since then, and wanted to share with you here.

Keen as always, she noticed that I had a pattern lately in the way I talked, so she was kind enough to hold up the mirror for me to see it. It was the comparison trap again, this time with my 2020 self.

The year 2020 was indeed a big year for me. I had the luxury of time, especially during quarantine, which helped me get goals moving forward like launching my podcast and The Power of Now video series, in addition to decluttering my home among other achievements. In our recent calls, I kept repeating the sentence: “Compared to last year, I felt happier, things were more exciting, I did more…etc.”

She gently asked me to notice this and to remind myself that every year comes with its own elements. It is not fair to myself to overlook the consistent and hard efforts I’ve been putting forth this year. Moreover, the exposure I am lucky to have this year is way bigger than last year’s.

Yes, we do compare ourselves to others and most times it doesn’t feel great, but we can be really hard on ourselves when we compare our current selves to our past selves who lived different seasons which we may or may not live again.  

Another note we discussed was that perhaps starting things is more exciting than keeping at them, and that’s where discipline and remembering our why comes in. I also need to ask myself “How can I bring joy to this moment?” more often and act on the answer, and definitely pat myself on the back kindly saying: “Well done, Bardees, you have come a long way”.

Say it to yourself please: “Well done, (your name) you have come a long way.”

Happy Back-to-School Season by the way.

Compared to last year

September is the Other January

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As I was writing today’s date on my journal I thought about this amazing quote by Gretchen Rubin “September is the other January”. I read it in her book “Happier at Home” a few years ago and loved it ever since.

Gretchen Says:
“September marks the start of a new year, with the empty calendar and clean slate of the next school cycle. Even if you are no longer in school yourself, September nevertheless remains charged with possibility and renewal.”

Continue reading “September is the Other January” →
September is the Other January