My Mantra For the year 2021 Revealed

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I finally selected my mantra for the year 2021.

I have been choosing a word of the year for 2 years now and this year I decided to choose a mantra.

My word of the year 2019 was Teach because I wanted to start sharing what I learn through weekly instagram videos. My word for 2020 was Clarity which I was seeking through three pillars inspired by the book Clarity First, mindfulness, questions and self-care.

I couldn’t choose just one word for 2021 as I have been thinking about several themes to live this year.

One of the themes is The Practice, which is committing to my creative practice day in and day out as Seth Godin so brilliantly explained in his latest book with the same title. My practice for this year is going to be writing. I want to take my writing very seriously and hone this skill by committing to daily writing on this blog starting Feb 1st 2021. Writing more can only improve my podcast and my learning capabilities because writing will help me synthesize the information I’m consuming.

Another theme I’m thinking about is Life of Focus based on the amazing course I enjoyed by Cal Newport and Scott H. Young. I have been fascinated by the ideas in this course which you’d be familiar with if you listened to Cal’s podcast or read his books Deep Work and Digital Minimalism or Scott’s book Ultralearning. In this course Cal and Scott defined focus as “The ability to guide your attention in ways you desire, not just following the random tugs of the environment.” I believe that our attention is one of our most valuable and limited assets and that’s why I have started my year with the digital declutter challenge. I believe that we need to be stingy with how we spend our attention and that improving our focus is a skill we can learn through practice. Here is this word again.

I have also been trying to commit to tracking my deep work (focused) sessions at work and keeping a tally of them as advised by Cal over and over. Deep work session are 30-minute intervals where I focus solely on one task which requires mental effort, no task switching, no glancing at my email inbox or God forbid my phone. This year I want to contribute more value with less time. Committing to such sessions will improve my focus muscles and my attention quality and help me exaclty do that.

I’ve been also wanting to better redirect my attention to the present moment where life happens after completing The Power of Now Book discussion series (Arabic) in 2020. This way I will feel more alive. My family will feel my attention with them too as I practice being present. My morning meditaiton practice will support that. My improved digital wellbeing -after the digital declutter challenge ends and implementing the rules I’ll set moving forward- will create strict boundaries between family time and work time. I also recently realized that my social media time is work time. I’m not there to scroll. I’m there to share my work that I do here in my blog and in my podcast. It’s not ok to work during family time. It’s not ok to do it when I’m at my 9-5 job. I’d better start setting proper work hours for my personal creative work including my social media.

Practice Focused Attention

  • Practice: Writing, Podcasting, Meditating & Deep Work consistently.
  • Focused: Tracking Deep/focused sessions at my job. Creating Boundaries between work and family with digital wellbeing rules.
  • Attention: With a life of focus and minimized distractions I will have more attention to spend on meaningful connections and be more present wherever I am.

What about you? Have you chosen your word/mantra of the year? It’s such a beautiful exercise, here are some resources to help you that I shared in my newsletter.

My Mantra For the year 2021 Revealed

Digital Declutter Challenge Update – Week 3

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My screen time this week is down by almost 50% compared to my previous behavior where I only used my phone for an average of 3 hours 15 minutes daily, and that includes kindle and maps. I’m so proud.

All my rules have been working just fine. I met a friend for coffee last week and I didn’t have a book on me so I waited for her staring out the window which was a nice change.

Some friends reached out via whatsapp saying they missed me and looking forward for my return and I reminded them to check my newsletter where I have been sharing my most important updates regarding this challenge.

A friend said she just realized I was in a challenge so my insight is it takes around 2 weeks for people who regularly interact with you to start missing you on social media.

I have noticed that my email list’s growth is slowing down which is making Instagram’s value for my work clearer as it has been the key source of newsletter subscriptions. Instagram then is for marketing my work. I will go back to it after this challenge to share what I create for my core work which is my podcast and blog and hopefully future online workshops and to engage in Live sessions with my dear followers and encourage them to stay in touch with me via my newsletter.

I have also decided to extend my challenge to February 15th . One week after kids start the 2nd non-online (fingers crossed) school semester and we settle into our new routines.

You can listen to this update in Arabic in episode 17 of my podcast below:

Digital Declutter Challenge Update – Week 3

Digital Declutter Challenge Update – Week 2

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I am happy to report that my phone usage has dropped to an average of 4 hours a day compared to my pre-challenge 6 hours average in best case scenraios.

My Whatsapp usage didn’t decrease overall, however my whatsapp scattered screentime has been optimized and I found the challenge getting easier in week 2 as I updated Whatsapp rules to the following:

  1. Whatsapp’s hourly usage is open until 9am when I get to work due to the voice notes I love to send and receieve from my friends who wake up early especially during my walk or commute.
  2. I block whatsapp when I start getting dressed and applying makeup to leave for work because I might get distracted by messages if I check them.
  3. I set work profile for whatsapp as 7 minutes/hour until 6pm.
  4. If I need whatsapp for work communciations I use whatsapp web which I don’t think is distracting at all.
  5. I still block whatsapp between 6pm and 9pm, this step has had the most magical impact on my evening routine and impproved quality of attention to my family.

I am getting bored fast with gmail and I kept the habit of cheking it after lunch break as a transitional activity between break and work.

I have noticed that I am remebering my dreams vividly since starting this challenge. It’s like the decrease in images entering my brain is making it easier for my brain to retrieve its own creations. Interesting, no?

I am also reflecting on the importance of real-time sharing. Do I really need to stop reading and share that book quote snapshot with my groups on spot? Is it really necessary to interrupt admiring the sunset and start talking about the beauty of its image with family memebers? Do I have to share the kid’s cute game while they are playing it and thus leave them? if not physially, attentionally?

This is something I will really take into account when ending this challenge. I love to share cool things I read or photos I take or podcasts I listen to. Changing this might mean I take screenshots or photos all day and share them all at a specific time with my family and friends, or add them to to my social media stories. I will always remember what I wanted to share if I just look into my gallery. If I feel the urge I will say to myself why now? can it wait? maybe add it to my awesome weekly newsletter?  Let’s see where this goes.

Read all about week 1 here.

You can listen to this update in Arabic in episode 16 of my podcast below:

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/16

Digital Declutter Challenge Update – Week 2

Digital Declutter Challenge Update-Week 1

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I have started a month-long digital declutter challenge on January 1st 2021. This is my 2nd time so my hope is I have learned from some of the mistakes of my previous challenge that I did almost 2 years ago.

As advised by Cal Newport in his book Digital Minimalism and in his course with Scott H. Young Life of Focus these are the steps I followed.

Step 1: Divide the technologies used in personal life into the below:

  • Optional Technologies (as in being away from them would not get me into trouble): Facebook/Facebook page manager/ Facebook business suite/Instagram/ Netflix/ Twitter.
  • Mixed Technologies:
    • Whatsapp after working ours
    • Gmail: not using it might cause communication hang-ups but also it’s a key source of distraction for me.
    • Audible/Spotify: they are not mandatory of course but they are key source of learning for me. Please note work email is not part of the challenge as this challenge is about personal life technologies.
  • Mandatory Technologies:
    • Whatsapp- during working hours: used for work and meetings updates and also by kids’ school.

Step 2: Remove the optional technologies and set rules for the others:

On day -1 of the challenge I have created the following rules:

  1. Remove Facebook apps from my phone with plan not to check them all month.
  2. Remove Instagram and IGTV from phone with plan to check DMs and comments once a week  from laptop in order to avoid the “forbidden fruit” feeling.
  3. Remove Netflix from from phone and only watch it on big TV screen with family or one show episode if alone.
  4. Check Gmail once a day at a fixed time for 15 minutes
  5. Limit Whatsapp usage time and block it between 6pm and 9pm which is family/homework/bedtime routine time.


The Actual of Week 1:

  • Facebook: I needed to check a replay of a webinar on Facebook that  I subscribed to before starting this challenge so I opened facebook on web browser to watch it and wasn’t really the least interested to see what those red notifications were about. I’m also opening it temporarily for few days to follow up on a limited-time group for very useful decluttering challenge  where I saved the Facebook group link for direct access skipping newsfeed and can’t see any notification.
  • Instagram: 100% commitment, at the end f of week 1 I  spent 20 minutes checking and replying to DMs and comments on my posts through Facebook business suite on web which feels like an email manager without all the scrolling, Thanks to my friend Nadia for this idea.  I also set up auto-reply telling friends I’m away for the month with my email address, so I am not sure I’ll log in to Instagram next week. Confession: I asked a friend to tell me how many followers I got while she was already on her Instagram. It is worth mentioning, however, that  I felt relieved a bit of the commitment/pressure to post and engage regularly. I’m gaining back space and renewing my creative energy that I can use for other types of content that matter so much to me like my podcast and blog. 
  • Netflix: 100% commitment.
  • Gmail: 100% commitment but noticed that I prefer to check it right after lunch break not in the morning, as a transitional leisure time back to work. I noticed also that what really wastes time is what I actually click on in my gmail not gmail itself. Clicks takes me to so many places: shopping, reading, checking statistics of my content, and guess what? Instagram missed me and sent me an email update at the end of week 1 for the number of followers I got! feeling so threatened dear IG? that was funny, i didn’t even realize instagram sends emails, or actually most of us are not giving them the chance to. Back to gmail, I’m trying to be more mindful about not opening new links without reading those opened links in my tabs from the day before.  I might also consider feedly again, but not sure yet.
  • Whatsapp: What’s working: 6pm-9pm Whatsapp block is working so well for me. What’s not working yet:  I set out to use Whatsapp 45 minutes only but that was unreasonable compared to my previous behavior of 60-90 minute average so I tried 75 minutes but time was up by 2pm then I tried 90 minutes and time was up by 5:30pm. Then, I started experimenting  limited hourly Whatsapp time dividing 120 minutes by 14 waking hours (minus the 3 hours blocked), so I get around 8 minutes /hour and the app I use helps me track that so I’ll try this technique between 9am and 6pm and report back.

A funny cosmic incident happened in week 1. My smart watch galaxy e-fit-which was only allowed to show SMS/Whatsapp sender names notifications plus calls- stopped pairing with my phone! I guess/wish it is conspiring to help me in this challenge, I hope it’s a temp hiccup and that I don’t need to replace it. I’m happy it’s working fine as my steps tracker though.

Finally I am excited to report that I am enjoying my evening times the most with this challenge plus less kids’ homework load during January , so more fun time with kids. I’m putting them to bed then checking my Whatsapp which has become like a treat.

You can listen to this update in Arabic in episode 14 of my podcast below.

Digital Declutter Challenge Update-Week 1

Goal Setting Series: Part 4- Write Your Goals-The How

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If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going, How Will You Know When You Get There?

Lewis Carroll

We evaluated the past, we dreamt of our future and we came up with goal ideas. 

It’s time to write our goals in detail and this is the juicy part you’ve been waiting for. Once you learn how to write one goal you will be able to write all goals. 

My favorite teachers in goal-setting are the late zig Ziglar, one of the most amazing motivational speakers who ever lived, and the author and entrepreneur I frequently mention here Michael Hyatt, reading “Your Best Year Ever” was indeed an eye-opener for me. And of course, Lara Casey whose work helped us get to this step. 

 I take no credit coming up with the goal-setting methodology in this blog post, some steps were quoted as they appeared in “the 7-step goal setting process” by Zig Ziglar and “Your Best Year Ever” by Michael Hyatt whose methodologies I combined here because I strongly believe they complete each other. I’ll also leave you few references at the end.  

Here are the Seven Steps of Goal Setting that I recommend: 

Please dedicate one page in your notebook for each goal to cover the seven steps. 

  1. IDENTIFY THE GOAL:  

Zig Ziglar says: “If you don’t identify a target you will never hit it. When you identify a goal it means that you write it down and describe it clearly. Don’t set any vague targets. If you want to have specific success you must have specific targets.” 

In order to define a goal properly the goal needs to check 7 boxes and be a SMARTER goal. SMARTER is a twist from the usual SMART goals we have probably encountered in the workplace so instead of meaning Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Time-keyed, SMARTER stands for.: 

  • Specific: The goal needs to be clear, writing a vague goal is a way to hide from working on it. Unclear goals will waste your time and energy. A vague goal would be: “exercise more”, and the way to make it specific is “Go to the gym 3 times a week, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday“ Another fuzzy goal could be “improve my relationship with my parents” and we can make it specific by writing “Call my parents every day”. 

  • Measurable: A goal needs to have some criteria of achievement to know when we reach it. For example, “Lose some weight” is better than “get in shape” but “lose 6 Kilos” is a much better goal because we have made it measurable and makes success way more delicious. 

  • Actionable: The goal needs to start with a verb of action. “Be a better parent” is not an actionable goal.  “Spend evening quality time with each of my kids every day” is a goal you can actually track and will result in warmer connection with your kids. Whenever you start a goal with a Be verb, ask yourself what can you actually do to make this goal happen? 

  • Risky: If you know for sure that you’re going to achieve the goal that means you have set the bar too low and you are not stretching yourself enough. Setting a trivial goal is another way to hide in goal-setting process. The goal needs to make you feel uncomfortable a bit. If your initial goal was “improve your sales by 10%” why not make it “improve your sales by 30%” if your goal was to “Save 1500 JDs in 6 months” why not make it 3 months instead? A study showed that “difficult goals are far more likely to generate sustained enthusiasm and higher levels of performance.” Some ways to make the goal riskier is increasing the target and shortening the deadline. Also if you make the goal grandiose that would be another way to hide. It is a recipe for guaranteed failure in goal achievement. 
  • Time-Keyed:  The goal needs to have a deadline for achievement. If you don’t set a deadline for completing your goals you will not be able to be accountable to yourself, or anyone else. If you are not accountable for your goals you will not achieve them.  Not all deadlines need to be 31 Dec.  Hyatt says “Distant deadlines discourage action”. If you are setting annual goals make sure to spread them out so you have two to three priorities every quarter.  However, if your goal is a new habit you want to cultivate then then deadlines don’t make sense so the time frame related could be the frequency of the habit, for example you are going to meditate 10 minutes every morning at 5am.  

  • Exciting:  This attribute in SMARTER framework is my personal favorite. The goal needs to be exciting for YOU! This is the key difference between a project and a goal. Every Goal (achievement goal) is a project but not every project is a goal. We are all working on different projects at work for example, it’s when the outcome feels exciting that projects become goals.    Maybe the work needed to complete a goal is not exciting like the goal of decluttering the kids’ bedroom, but I bet that the outcome of an organized and clear bedroom is pretty exciting.

  • Relevant : This is the final attribute of a goal, it’s like a sanity check if the goal actually makes sense. Is the goal relevant to your season of life? Are you a mother with very young children and you want to launch your own business? Maybe you can push this goal for another couple of years so you would have the energy and time needed for a new business. Maybe your goal is “travel to 4 countries during the year” while you have another goal “Achieve all objectives at your new role at work”. These 2 goals might be conflicting, and you need to decide what’s more important.  The goal should be aligned with your season of your life, your other goals and your own big picture vision of yourself at age 80. 

2. LIST THE BENEFITS – WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?  

We only do the things we want to do and are willing to do.

Zig Ziglar

This is your Key Motivations list which you will go back to when the excitement of starting a new goal fades away. We already said the goal should be exciting and in this step you define the WHY.  You need to specify what you will get by achieving the goal. This is very important to pump you up whenever you read it or if/when you forget why you are pursuing the goal. The reasons need to be personal and you need to connect with them both intellectually and emotionally. You need to be clear on your gains when you get the goal accomplished and what’s at stake if you don’t. It would be great if you could define who or what will be impacted in your life by this achievement. 

3. LIST THE OBSTACLES TO OVERCOME: 

 If the goal was easy you would have done it already, no? This time you are going to list all the potential issues that might arise as you work towards your goal. They could be external obstacles or internal ones concerning your discipline and willpower. Zig Ziglar recommends asking a trusted friend who knows you well to help you finish this step.

Michael Hyatt also recommends preparing if/then scenarios for each anticipated obstacle. Example (if it rains, I’ll use a raincoat during my daily walk),  (if I am offered sweets I will say no, I don’t eat sweets anymore), (if people interrupt me during my deep work sessions, I’ll ask them to note the noise cancellation headset and come back later). 

4. LIST THE SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE REQUIRED:  

“Knowledge gives us the power to accomplish things we would not otherwise be able to do, and skills give us the tools to take advantage of our knowledge. There is a direct relationship between knowing and doing, and successfully accomplishing your goals will require that powerful combination. “  

Write what you might need to learn to make your goal successful, what books to read and courses to take. You might consider improving some gaps you have in soft skills like patience, time management and discipline.  

5. IDENTIFY THE PEOPLE AND GROUPS TO WORK WITH:  

“People do a better job when we have the help of others. They can help us with knowledge and skill and can offer valuable advice we need to be successful. So when you set your goals always consider the people and the groups you can work with that can help you be more successful. “ 

You might arrange a phone call with someone who accomplished a similar goal to help you get started or book a coach. 

6. DEVELOP A PLAN OF ACTION:  

This is the most critical step and it involves thinking through the details of how you will achieve your goal. While your goals should be in your discomfort zone, your next steps should be in your comfort zone. E.g. call someone, research this topic, pay course fees…etc.   

For my goal “launch podcast in March 2020” the plan of action was:

-write podcast introduction

-record podcast introduction

-ask Yarub Samirat for permission to use his music in my podcast

– listen to his album Ya Salam again to select the music piece

-edit the music piece with intro, write a trailer for podcast

-select a platform to host my podcast …and so on.

7. SET DUE DATES FOR ACTION ITEMS:  

Define whether the action items you set are short term or long term, if short term; set a time to complete each task which will help you meet your goal deadline. Add the proper reminders on your calendar and task manager application.  

Final tip:

Make your goals visible so you can read them every day. You need to write the list of your identified goals (done in step 1) in one page which you can review every day. It’s best if you commit to review them in detail (esp. Key motivations) every week. 

CONGRATULATIONS!  

You have spent time planning your life way more than most people around you. Be proud of yourself!

Now it’s time for action.

You can listen to this blog post in Arabic through episode 10 of my podcast:

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/10

References: The goal making canvas by Zig Ziglar and YT talk.

Goal Setting Series: Part 4- Write Your Goals-The How

Goal Setting Series: Part 3- Write Your Goals-The Why

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“The reason we don’t set goals is that we’re afraid. We’re afraid of saying a goal out loud, even to ourselves, and certainly afraid of writing it down. We’re afraid of trying to achieve a goal and failing. And, surprisingly, we’re afraid of reaching our goals, because reaching them means our lives will change, and change is often at the center of our fear. “

Seth Godin

We all know that writing something makes it easily remembered. In this post I gathered for you some resources to convince you that writing your goals is very important for achieving them.

In Your Best Year Ever, Michael Hyatt shares the research done by Professor Gail Mathews who conducted a study that confirmed the power of writing down our goals.  

“She tracked 267 professionals from several different over 5 weeks by dividing them into five groups.  men and women from all over the world, and from all walks of life, including entrepreneurs, educators, healthcare professionals, artists, lawyers and bankers. 

She divided the participants into groups, according to who wrote down their goals and dreams, and who didn’t.

Matthews discovered that the simple act of writing one’s goals boosted achievement by 42%. “

Who of us wouldn’t like more chances of goals achievement? Writing them does that.”

But why is this the case? 

Let’s talk about writing longhand and what scientific studies tell us:  

Study after study shows you will remember things better when you write them down. Typically, subjects for these types of studies are students taking notes in class.  

“Mueller and Oppenheimer (who conducted this study) postulate that taking notes by hand requires different types of cognitive processing than taking notes on a laptop, and these different processes have consequences for learning.  Writing by hand is slower and more cumbersome than typing, and students cannot possibly write down every word in a lecture.  Instead, they listen, digest, and summarize so that they can succinctly capture the essence of the information.  Thus, taking notes by hand forces the brain to engage in some heavy “mental lifting,” and these efforts foster comprehension and retention.  By contrast, when typing students can easily produce a written record of the lecture without processing its meaning, as faster typing speeds allow students to transcribe a lecture word for word without devoting much thought to the content. “

and this study:

“Writing things down happens on two levels: external storage and encoding. External storage is easy to explain: you’re storing the information contained in your goal in a location (e.g. a piece of paper) that is very easy to access and review at any time. You could post that paper in your office, on your refrigerator, etc. It doesn’t take a neuroscientist to know you will remember something much better if you’re staring at a visual cue (aka reminder) every single day. 

But there’s another deeper phenomenon happening: encoding. Encoding is the biological process by which the things we perceive travel to our brain’s hippocampus where they’re analyzed. From there, decisions are made about what gets stored in our long-term memory and, in turn, what gets discarded. Writing improves that encoding process. In other words, when you write it down it has a much greater chance of being remembered. 

Neuropsychologists have identified the “generation effect” which basically says individuals demonstrate better memory for material they’ve generated themselves than for material they’ve merely read. It’s a nice edge to have and, when you write down your goal, you get to access the “generation effect” twice: first, when you generate the goal (create a picture in your mind), and second, when you write it down because you’re essentially reprocessing or regenerating that image. You have to rethink your mental picture, put it on the paper, place objects, scale them, think about their spatial relations, draw facial expressions, etc. There’s a lot of cognitive processing taking place right there.”

And Finally, once more in “Your Best Year Ever” , Hyatt makes a compelling case to go ahead and write our goals due to the following reasons:

1. It forces you to clarify what you want. Clarity is a precondition for writing.

2. Writing down goals helps you overcome resistance.

3. It motivates you to take action.

4. It filters other opportunities. Establishing your priorities up front equips you to intentionally avoid what some call “shiny object syndrome.”  

5. It enables you to see—and celebrate—your progress. Written goals can serve like mile markers on a highway. They enable you to see how far you have come and how far you need to go. They also provide an opportunity for celebration when you attain them.  

Ready to write your goals? Dedicate a notebook for your goals and start now. This doesn’t have to be perfect, make a mess now.

Next post, you will learn how exactly to write our goals in a way that helps you achieve them.

You can listen to this blog post in Arabic through episode 9 of my podcast:

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/9

Goal Setting Series: Part 3- Write Your Goals-The Why

Goal Setting Series: Part 2- Dream about the future.

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After reflecting on the past we need to look forward. But wait. Hold off your goal setting eager soul for just a bit. We are going to write our goals next time. Today, we are looking forward, way forward. We are dreaming about our future. We are doing that because we need more clues to know what really matters to us. Matters enough to transform into goals that we can write in detail next time.

In her PowerSheets, Lara Casey encourages us to think about our future in the big picture. If we determine what matters most to us in the big picture we will work harder to achieve it, we will get back up from setbacks faster and keep going.

Step 1:

You can uncover your most important life mission by asking:

Where do you want to be at the age of 80?

Make 2 lists.

What will matter to you most at the age of 80?

What will not matter to you at the age of 80?

Some of my personal answers when I did this exercise were:

What will matter most to me: strong loving relationships, good health, work legacy, exploring the beauty of the world, abundance, wisdom.

What will not matter: complaining, FOMO (fear of missing out on online lives of other), owning the latest gadgets, kids’ tantrums, how I look in photos, comments and likes received on my posts, number of followers.

This question adds a sense of purpose to your goals and what you do every day. Does your to-do list today or this week serve your big picture vision of yourself? Do they match at all?

We need to be also be super clear on why we want to make this big picture happen. If our how does not work our why will help us find another how.  

Add a few points stating why it is important for your big picture to become a reality for you. This would be aligned with your values and creating feelings of joy and satisfaction that you lived the life you wanted.

For example: my why for strong relationships is that powerful connections make feel alive and my heart full.

Have you noticed how your goals are getting clearer now? Your evaluation of the past and your big picture dreams are helping your heart know what it is your need to get started on.

Now for a very inspiring part.

Step 2:

What themes did you discover?

Spend some time reviewing all your answers from part 1 and the big picture answers.  You will notice recurring themes of areas that make you your heart sing and areas that need serious work to be back on track. Use a marker or a highlighter to circle or star those areas and then summarize them in few sentences.

This step took me around 30 minutes to do when I first did it. Some themes that popped up were:

Meaningful connections with family and friends. Slowing down. Self-Care. Spiritual practice commitment. Moving my body. Seeking new experiences. More fun. Go back to writing. Keep teaching.

Step 3:

Transform themes into goal ideas.

It’s time to transform those themes into goal ideas that you can start working on now. They emerged as themes for a reason. They are probably those dreams that felt most important to you in the big picture and maybe those that had the lowest ratings in your life audit.  Notice that maybe there is a lot to work on and that might feel a little overwhelming. This is why we worked on selecting what matters most to you. Goal ideas are easier to define after going all through the previous exercises. We’re only writing ideas and we will get into structured goal setting next post.

Some of my goal ideas:

Theme: teach moreà Goal idea: launch a podcast, revive my blog.

Theme: Spiritual practice commitmentà Goal idea: commit to the habit of meditation.

Step 4:

What are you saying No to?

What are you saying Yes to?

Lists are fun to do so now we are going to make 2 new lists of things we will say no to that hold us  back from being our best selves and say yes to things that expand our happiness and joy. These things could be inner thoughts/beliefs, habits/behaviors, things/possessions and type of people/relationships that we need to release and say no to in the next year/season or keep and embrace and say yes to more often. 

Personal examples:

No to: eating after 7pm, buying without replacing, sleeping less than 6 hours, meaningless outings

Yes to: planning family meals, finishing what I start, power naps.

Step 5:

Choose your word of the year

This word will inspire you when you are down, sharpen your focus, and will remind you of what is important.

How to come up with your word of the year?

Your answers to all the previous exercises will guide you, it could be a verb, an adjective or even a small phrase. What do you want to do/be/have MORE of this year?

You can google “word of the year ideas” and see what comes up and other people’s choices, it is so much fun.

Reminder: You can change your word of the year whenever you want, it does not have to be perfect and it is not final!

Write your word of the year on card and place it somewhere prominent that you will see every day.

My word of the year 2019 was Teach

My word of the year 2020 is Clarity.

Ready to learn how to set your goals in detail?  

Share photos of your goal setting notebooks with me in the comments or on my social media accounts. It is especially important to write down your goals in pen and paper, and I will tell you why in the next post.

You can listen to this blog post in Arabic through episode 8 of my podcast: 

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/8
Goal Setting Series: Part 2- Dream about the future.

Goal Setting Series: Part 1-Reflect on the Past

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We practice goal setting all the time in business settings. If you’re an employee you usually receive your goals every year or every six months, which would align with the strategic goals of the company.  At the end of the semester, you review your achievements with your boss against the defined goals, you discuss what worked, what didn’t, and why.  

However, we usually coast through our personal lives, letting things happen to us and reacting as necessary. We are not charting our own paths to where we want to go. We are walking pre-defined paths for us. That’s why our days and years look a lot like each other. We are not living goal-oriented lives, we are not living on purpose.  This gap in goal setting between our work life and personal life was an insight that clicked for me in a conversation with a business leader and a mentor I’m lucky to have met called Iman Mutlaq. I’ll be always grateful for helping me notice this.  

It’s true, many of us set new year’s resolutions, but resolutions without a plan are not goals, they are only hopes and aspirations, and that’s why they fail by mid-February.  

Lucky for you, I have good news. Goal setting can be done anytime. You can do it at the beginning of each year, on your birthday, every month,  every quarter, or whenever you decide to pursue something new. As Lara Casey always says: “There is nothing magical about  January 1st“.  

In this series, I will share with you what I have learned about goal setting from my favorite authors on the subject Michael Hyatt and Lara Casey. 

This Post is part 1 of 4.  

Goal Setting Starts in the Past.  

Your past has only one value, learning from it. Reviewing your past will help you design the right goals for yourself. If you start goal setting by reviewing the past you’re more likely to set meaningful goals that you will invest time and effort to achieve. 

First: Do a Life Audit 

Our lives are multi-faceted as Michael Hyatt asserts. Our lives are not just our careers or health or families. These life domains are all connected. When we’re not doing well in one domain of our life we can feel it impacting the satisfaction we have in other areas. 

We start the life audit by rating the key life areas on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 means you are not satisfied and want to see a big change there and 10 means you’re happy with how you’re showing up in this domain. While at it, write a few words about the reason you selected the score for each domain. State facts and how you feel, honesty is key here because the opportunity for improvement starts taking shape now, the lowest scores indicate the bigger opportunity to make a change.  

Life domains are differently grouped depending on the writer, you can add categories or remove those that don’t apply to you. Feel free to make your own life categories that work for your unique life. 

The categories I recommend are: 

  • Health: How you feel about your body. 
  • Mental/Emotional: How you feel about your psychological well-being. 
  • Relationships: How you feel about your relationship to: 
    • Spouse/Significant other 
    • Friends
    • Family
  • Finances: Your personal or family’s financial situation 
  • Work: Your job, your 9-5, and side projects.  
  • Spiritual Growth: Your connection to God. 
  • Learning: Your educational development. 
  • Personal Environment: Your home and work environment.  
  • Fun & Recreation: Your hobbies, playtime, relaxation, and adventure experiences.  
  • Service & Contribution: how you serve the world/volunteering. 

You can also take an assessment I really like by Michael Hyatt to assess how you are generally doing in life’s different domains by answering a series of helpful questions. Make sure to save your answers so you can go back to them after a while. I guarantee you will see improvements after you commit to setting goals in areas where your satisfaction was the lowest.  

Second: Evaluate your past. 

Select how far you’d like to go in your past, 6 months, one year, 3 years? Answer accordingly.  

I assumed you want to go back one year and wrote the tips accordingly: 

  • Start with the positive: While our human tendency is to remember the negative first, it is recommended to start with the good. This will help us have the energy to complete the past exercise. Write a list of the wonderful things that happened to you. What are you most proud of? What worked well last year? A few ways to remember:
    •  You can consult your family and friends to remind you of your highlights 
    • You can check your social media posts to remember  
    • You can go through your camera roll. 
    • You can check your calendar or planner. 
    • You can check your goals from last time, and celebrate what’s done. 
    • You can check your past financial statements, this will remind you of your priorities and events. 
  • Name the challenges: Write a list answering questions like what did not work this past year? What disappointments or regrets did you experience? What goals did you want to achieve but did not? What were some blocks you faced? What achievements did you want to be acknowledged for but were not? It is hard to write our answers here. But power through it. This list will guide your focus when you set your goals, your challenges are your biggest opportunities for improvement.  
  • Distill the lessons: What did the positive and the negative from the past year teach you? Make them into short sentences of wisdom that you can repeat over and over to yourself.  

Third:  State what you are grateful for. 

  • Gratitude time: Write the names of people who helped you during this past year. Find a way to thank them for specific things they did for you or ways they stood by you. Feeling gratitude is one thing, expressing it to those who caused it is an another level. They will be so surprised, and you are going to make someone’s day.  

Bonus Step 

  • Identify your hidden opportunity. The opportunity principle states that feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment are strongest where the chances for corrective action are clearest. Consider your setbacks this past year, and brainstorm how they might point you toward your next opportunity.  

Now you are ready to move on to the next step of goal setting which is: dreaming about the future. 

New post coming up soon. 

I’m deeply grateful to Michael Hyatt and Lara Casey for all that they taught me about Goal Setting that I have shared in this blog post.  

You can listen to this blog post in Arabic through episode 7 of my podcast: 

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/7
Goal Setting Series: Part 1-Reflect on the Past

10 Monthly Review Questions and my Quarantine Edition Answers

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My 2020 Passion Planner

I will be sharing my answers to the monthly reflection questions in my passion planner, highlighting all my achievements and observations about April 2020. I usually begin to answer these questions after reviewing all my journals in order to remember details and also to be inspired.

Question 1: What was the most memorable part of this month? Describe it.

When outside life slowed down due quarantine I got the chance to achieve two important personal goals that were already on my 2020 goals list, which are:

 1. My Podcast

After launching my quarantine baby podcast in March 29th I managed to launch 4 episodes during April 2020.  This boosted my self-confidence as I learned so much about the podcasting process by putting in hard work and learning from my own mistakes each time.  The month felt like a crash course that will save me so much time in the future. I especially enjoyed researching the journaling topic using my old journals and reading about the habits of authors I admire.
 
2. Decluttering my home.
 

Decluttering was actually a big goal for me, however, I did not expect to make this much progress on it so early in the year, it needed time and I finally had the time. I covered the pain areas including my bedroom, my kids’ rooms, my multi-purpose office area. I discovered a lot about myself and my relationship to stuff has been definitely complicated. I’m improving and finding it easier to get rid of stuff that don’t add value or beauty to my life or simple taking space I’d better save for more meaningful items and activities.

Question 2: What were the three biggest lessons you’ve learned in the past month?

  1.  I love my home. I just did not have the time to appreciate it before. I finally cleared out stuff that blocked air and light and even my kids from moving freely in it and enjoying it.
  2. I am at my best when I create. When I ship my work like this blog or a new podcast episode, I feel the best rush of energy.
  3.  When I feel uninspired and stuck at a task- which I can tell if it’s taking too long, I’m making many mistakes, or I’m restarting over and over- just PAUSE. I should leave the task for a while until recharge. This way I‘d be able to finish it faster.

Question 3: Review your planner for the past month and assess your priorities. Are you happy with how you spend your time? If not, what steps can you take next to adjust them.

Yes, I am very happy of how I spent my time creating work I’m proud of and more space at home. I also noticed that compared to the first 2 weeks of quarantine back in March, I didn’t play much with the kids in April but I’m proud that I committed to daily bedtime stories, reading 4 stories sometimes.

There is always, however, room for improvement.

In May, I want less time on my phone and to make time on phone intentional for creating, engaging with others,  initiating or responding to contact. Not for mindless scrolling.

Question 4: What did you accomplish this past month? What are you most proud of?

  1.  4 Podcast episodes.
  2. 3 Blog posts
  3. 4 Instagram videos
  4. Finished 4 books (decluttering at the speed of life, how to manage your home without losing your mind,  money tree, life’s greatest question) the first 2 books helped me achieve the below tasks.
  5. Decluttering my bedroom 100% , kids’ rooms 80%, office room 100%. I would like to change its name to learning/arts room, since kids are spending most of their time with me there during the day when I work or home school, still thinking about it.
  6. Developing home management routines that helped make my home feel more comfortable (example: laundry day routine)
  7. Recording a Zoom call with my friend on how we are spending our time home positively as mothers.
  8. Starting a book discussion series about the (Power of Now) with my friend by video-recording the first episode.
  9. Developing a new habit of walking daily for 20 to 45 minutes.
  10. Commiting to my 5am habits and especially to meditation.
  11. Spending 2 social-media free weekends

Question 5: How are you different between this past month and the month before it?

I am closer to my kids and know them better and proud of their relationship’s progress and how they learned to get along better than before.

I am better aware of my triggers around my kids and working on enhancing my reactions especially during home schooling.

I feel more self-confident of my creative energy to ship my work to the world.

I now really know that what it takes to produce a podcast.

I feel lighter with less stuff at home and proud that my relationship to possessions is changing.

I’ve never loved my home as much as I loved it this month.

Question 6: What or who are you especially grateful for this past month?

My home. The breathtaking sunset view. Spring beauty wherever I look outside and having lovely outdoors area for kids to run.

My husband’s energy who got so much done around the house and washed the cars many times followed by rain.

My father and mother in law who live downstairs and their love and attention for the kids and their great food.

After 40 days I got to spend few nights at my parents’, enjoyed being spoiled with food and staying up late with them.

My accountability partner Rania and our special talks.

My best friend’s patience listening to my long voice messages of frustration.

Ladies in my 5am group, their wonderful wisdom, energy, honesty and the momentum we enjoyed.

The amazing support and helpful feedback I received about my new podcast and all the amazing testimonials about it.

Dana K. white’s books about home management.

Question 7: Name three things you can improve on this upcoming month. What concrete actions can you take to work towards these improvement?

  1. Patience during home schooling by being more mentally prepared for class, adding more silence for my child to think, expecting different (I don’t know) scenarios and practicing my response to them because I get frustrated if we already covered the material. Also to keep consistent math and reading aloud practice.
  2.  More respect for my body by going back to intermittent fasting, less chips, replace it with yogurt and cucumbers and seeds. Also observe my coffee intake.
  3. Get in touch with parenting books to remember parenting strategies and leave the room when feeling frustrated to be able to respond wisely to kids.

Question 8: From one to 10, how do you feel overall about this past month?

7 out of 10

Other questions I like from PowerSheets Goal Planner

Question 9: In the new month I am saying no to:

Anger. Anger begets anger, just like any habit. I can break this habit by pausing and choosing a different response. Also by starting my day imagining things going wrong in advance with kids’ moods and behavior and practicing a different response (when they…. I will… ) example: when they start bickering /I will separate them kindly but firmly in their rooms until a timer goes off).

Social media in weekends and mornings. Mornings are way fruitful and weekends are more peaceful when I am off social media. I can check it after I create my own content. As Chase Jarvis always says: Create before you consume.

Question:10 In the new month I am saying yes to:

Flexibility, patience, adding 10-min strength training every other day, power naps, starting the day setting schedules with kids.

What’s Next?

After answering the 10 questions I fill the Tending List in Powersheets where I write the Monthly action items, the weekly action items and the daily action items/habits.

Example of monthly action items is launching 2-3 podcast episodes, organize summer clothes, finish chapter 3 of a course in miracles, finish contagious you book and deliver a project at work.

Example of weekly action items may be one podcast episode and one Instagram video per week.

In May my daily habits would include walking 30 minutes, writing in evening journals, having fruits and seeds.

Other funny things worth mentioning about this past month is that I finally had the time to read the dishwasher and the washing machine manuals. I found out what those little codes meant. I chose the best program for my dishwasher and I even adjusted the height of the racks, who knew this was even possible?  I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I learned the correct way to set up the cutlery  in the top rack.  For 2 years I did it as the handyman who installed it instructed me to, without ever verifying his advice. Perhaps I’ll share a picture later. It was so funny.

I hope this review encouraged you to start this practice and make it your own. This will help you track your successes and learn from your mistakes.

Let me know if you do a monthly review in the comments, and what other helpful questions we can think about every month.

You can listen to this epsiode in Arabic through my podcast:

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/6

 

 

10 Monthly Review Questions and my Quarantine Edition Answers

The Journaling Habit- Your Guide To Journaling

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My gratitude Journals from the past years.

Part 2: Your guide to Journaling

Why journal?

I write to stop thinking, I write to think, I write to look at my emotions and understand them, I write to feel better, I write to complain,  I write to pray, I write to remember and I write to forget. I write to focus on problems, I write to come up with solutions, I write to plan the future and I write to honor my past. I write nonsense and I write gems. Most importantly, I write every day.

Writing in a journal helps you clean your mind’s slate, so your mind is better used for creativity and solving interesting problems not storing trivial matters which our brains are not so good at already, this way you put your mind at ease instead of having it nagging you to remember. Writing freezes your thoughts on paper so that you can, detach from them, examine them as an outsider and see which of them is true and what’s obsessive repetitive thinking that is simply not serving you. You can tell paper what you cannot tell people. As Anne Frank said in her famous diaries Paper Has More Patience Than People. Keeping a journal helps you connect the daily events into meaningful conclusions. You understand your patterns, your triggers, what makes you thrive and what shuts you down, improving your self-awareness. Writing helps you put your heart’s baggage on paper instead of carrying it around. You feel lighter afterwards.

In Essentialism Greg McKeown reminds us: “The words journal and journalist come from the same root word.”  Instead of writing meaningful stories to an audience of a newspaper, covering the who, what, when, where, why andhow of a story; keeping a journal is about being a journalist of your own life.  

Journaling is a mix of keeping a diary and introspection for me, and the difference is that diaries are for logging what happens in your day while introspection could include reflecting about the meaning of events and your responses to them and planning for the future.  Naming this habit as keeping a diary is more helpful to people who are about to start it. Why? Because when I tell beginners to journal by reflecting on their emotions and thoughts many would get too overwhelmed to start.

Accordingly, I divided journaling into 3 styles. Writing any of the below on consistent basis is journaling, start where you feel most comfortable.

Journaling Type 1: Keeping a diary

Why

  • It marks your days because they are not the same and we humans are forgetful by nature, so we need something to remind us, better in our own handwriting. It’s like writing your own personal history book.
  • It helps you catch your patterns in terms of (good) days vs. (bad) days so you identify people and activities that make you feel alive the most. For example, you start noticing that when you eat a certain type of food you feel bad few hours later. Or when you talk to someone your heart beats faster than normal.

How

  • Write down about your past day and how you spent your time. What happened? Who did you meet with? What did you do? Where did you go? What did you read or listen to? What did you eat? What did you buy? What is something you want to remember about your day?  Your mood from 1-5? Your energy level?

Journaling Type 2: Reflection

  • You may practice gratitude by aiming to list 3 to 5 things as an answer to What and who am I thankful for right now?
  • You may scan your body for emotions. What am I feeling right now? It is important to name your emotions to defuse their power over you, which helps you watch them as an observer with acceptance and understand the events and thoughts that caused them. For example, you examine yourself and find you’re not feeling great, journaling about it may lead you to learn you’re feeling lonely, so you acknowledge the emotion and take action if possible to change it, by seeking companionship for instance.
  • You may practice what is called expressive writing, by describing important past events, and your deepest thoughts and feelings by asking what am I feeling? What am I thinking?  Privately exploring past negative experiences in expressive writing for few days scientifically proved to help long term recovery from high stress levels caused by them.  It is not recommended, however, to do it for too long for one event, neither to overthink positive events to keep their magic.
  • You may write about a situation from someone else’s point of view to understand their behavior and reactions. Attempting to see what they see and feel their fears increases your compassion and empathy.
  • You may talk to God in writing prayers about your most pressing issues. You may try writing God’s answer too which is always loving and all-understanding.
  • You review your day by what is called daily check-in by asking What went well? What didn’t work? What did I learn from this? How will I be smarter tomorrow or next time I face this? This helps you derive insights about yourself and people around you that improve your life steadily.

In practicing reflection, it is recommended to avoid asking why questions as your mind will come up with answers upon demand that may not be accurate and will not always support your growth. For example, why questions may lead you to act like a victim, example: why me? Replace why with what. What is going? What does this remind me of? And so on.

Journaling Type 3: Planning

  • You use your journal to set your intentions and organize your thoughts about upcoming events or your future goals by asking What kind of person do I want to be today? What am I going to do next to move forward with my goals? What can I be excited about today? If I get stressed today, what will I do or who will I contact to feel better? What is my most important task for the day?

One of many examples when journaling solved a problem for me was a couple of years ago. While I am a positive person and complaining is not a habit I like to indulge in with colleagues, I confided to paper how I felt every day about my workday. I logged the events. I reflected on them noticing how I could learn from them for next time. Reading my journal entries, however, I found a consistent negative pattern in my feelings about my job. Then, with time, I felt I was not learning as the lessons were just reruns. I realized it was time to move on, especially that my feelings were not improving. As a result, there in those journals, I decided it was time for change. I came up with a plan that started with updating my CV and pursuing certificates I was putting on hold, until I successfully managed to change my job one year later.

Are you ready to start journaling? Keep reading.

Tips to Activate the habit of Journaling:

  • Start with keeping a diary and gratitude practice then expand to other journaling suggestions.
  • Start small. Just one page every day, no matter how tempted you are to write more. Still too much? Use or create a one-sentence-a-day journal.
  • You can start with journals that have built in prompts to answer everyday so get your habit going. Such as (what are you grateful for? How do you feel today? What is the important task of the day)? Check bookshops for beautiful notebooks to use.
  • Place your journal on your pillow if you want to write at night or by your coffee mug if you want to write in the morning. If I had not done this I would have simply forgotten or ignored my new routine because the notebook is out of sight.
  • Some of my friends worry about their privacy and tear up their negative journals. I say that’s perfectly fine. The act of writing itself is therapeutic. The act of keeping paper, not so much.
  • Some of my friends choose drawing instead of writing in their journals to express themselves and track their days. I believe this is a form of journaling. Go for it if it gets you excited and committed.

Finally, increase your self-awareness by reading your older journals. I usually read my journal at the end of each month or quarter. This always reveals something about myself and my happiness, especially my gratitude journal. I recommend planning a time to read yours. Maybe you would find something interesting that you wrote casually the other day or remember some past dreams and ancient heart songs that ignite your passion for life. Who knows?

Note: I’m in gratitude to Michael Hyatt, Ryan Holiday, Austin Kleon, Greg McKeown, Brendon Burchard, Tim Ferriss and Tasha Eurich whose valuable work and advice I included in this post. Thank you.

Find the above journaling guide in Arabic by listening to my podcast here:

https://bardees.simplecast.com/episodes/5

The Journaling Habit- Your Guide To Journaling