Month: April 2021

Decluttering Help

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The books that really helped me change my relationship to stuff and homemaking are the ones by the author Dana K. White.

Dana’s approach is what resonated with me the most during my big decluttering project that took place in the 7-week lockdown this time last year.

Today, I started listening to her amazing podcast as I went about my spring-cleaning because I felt so much overwhelm as I looked at the clutter that accumulated over time at my kids’ rooms and remembered how much better I felt listening to her guidance.

Lucky for me, Dana happened to make a recent episode summarizing her unique decluttering approach. For example, she emphasizes the point of never creating piles of stuff when you declutter, because if you ever get distracted or interrupted for any reason you would have made the place look worse than when you started. We also first tackle trash to feel visible progress, like throwing away broken stuff, empty packages, old paperwork and so on, and that instantly reduces the amount of stuff we have in the room and improves how it looks.

Dana knows what she is talking about ; I highly recommend you read her 2 books: How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind and Decluttering At The Speed of Life. They were dear companions to me last year and I will go back to them as I clear up more space in my house this season.

Decluttering Help

Fragrance of the Week

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If only we could gather in bottles those high energy elevated feelings of times when we are at our best, to spray some when we need them in tougher times, wouldn’t that be great?

Or, we could examine the components of our high energy state by asking what’s happening inside us and around us.

Here are the notes of my current fragrance:

  • The weather is warm and the sky is clear (I can’t control that).
  • I have just had beauty appointments for my hair and nails (I can control that, I have them monthly).
  • I have had a nice tan after a short pool-side vacation (with work and school’s commitments I can control that just a little).
  • I am in a good place hormonally, in the spring season of my period cycle (I can’t control that but I can keep having healthy seeds that regulate my hormones).
  • I am listening to amazing upbeat songs (I can control that).
  • I am working on something I love which makes me excited to come to work (I can control that).
  • I have shorter working hours during this month of Ramadan (A temporary condition that I am enjoying, and hope to control more in the future).
  • I am eating healthy food (I can control that).
  • I am doing my 4 rituals most days (I can control that).
  • I am anticipating official holidays to celebrate Easter and Eid (I can’t control that, but maybe I can get prepared for other upcoming official holidays and scatter more off days throughout the year).
  • I am reading and writing daily (I can control that).
  • I am having healthy digital habits overall (I can control that).
  • I am reading my affirmations almost daily (I can control that).
  • I am not taking myself too seriously and laughing more with my friends (I can control that).

Next time I want to feel this way I just need to look at what I can control out of this list and make it happen.

What is on your list?

Fragrance of the Week

Outfit Fatigue

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I read a comment the other day on Marie Forleo’s blog where a lady said that her trick to avoid decision fatigue, in addition to planning her weekly meals, is planning her work outfits every weekend! I thought this was genius because this crossed my mind a couple of times, especially when I skip this step in my evening routine because I feel too tried to decide and end up late to work next day trying to creatively match my outfit. Not to mention how this is so embarrassing given I wake up at 5am for my morning routine, which surely does not include outfit creativity.   

So, I am not saying I am committing to weekend outfit planning just yet, I am saying I will definitely try it now that the weather is becoming reliably warmer. Also, I do get Mr. Obama and Mr. Zuckerberg’s choice of daily uniform more than ever.

Outfit Fatigue

Playtime Thoughts

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While Journaling this morning I noticed that during the recent 3-day family vacation I could easily play and act goofy with my kids.

One reason is their sweet age of 7 and 5, which means much less care-taking activities around the pool compared to previous years. During our stay, I looked at the toddlers’ pool with some admiration but more of a relief that I am skipping it along with the 10 visits to its bathroom.

Another reason I played more with them is not having the option of doing something else “more productive” around the house like laundry or cleaning. With my full-time job and occupied evenings of doing and submitting their homework I only get to play with them for a short time, but while playing I do not feel at ease, like I need to get going to the next thing on my list which might be their dinner or bedtime preparations.  Staying present in this case is a challenge for me and I know they could tell. However, this new-found awareness will help me start noticing the habitual, yet ignorable, unease during playtime. That’s what it is, an old habit of mine.

Another actionable insight I got is that I may need more help around the house, more than the current schedule of once-a-week visit by my mother’s helper, to be able to do other things like care-free play with the kids. True, this could be just an excuse I’m making for not playing more often. Or, based on how I felt in the last few days, it is exactly what I need.

Vacations are still a new dynamic for us as family. This change of routine and its impact on our relationships is why we need them.

Playtime Thoughts

Tech Habits

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I am one of those people who gets pretty excited whenever there is a software update for my phone or for a favorite app like Evernote (I’ve been loving their recent desktop version updates so much by the way).  I make sure to read the release notes and notice the design changes in the user interface.

When I download a new app I almost always take screenshots of the introduction tutorial presentation. I enjoy the wording the developers/designers carefully curate and images they select to match it. These habits and screenshots feed my visual taste of what looks good and what doesn’t. It’s a very important skill to hone because taste does get better with experience and practice.   

Are you working on your design skills?

Tech Habits

Pro Feelings

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I’m starting to feel like a real writer taking some time away from my family while on mini-vacation to use my mini-laptop to write today’s post.

I already spent some time in the morning before leaving to our vacation destination getting my weekly newsletter ready, to have it ship tomorrow right on schedule.

Writing in a hotel room and scheduling newsletters are stuff I never did before. I feel so professional committing to my practice. I am becoming who I want to be. It feels different because I made these promises myself. There is no “have to” taste in this at all.

One last note-to-self: write more posts and have them on queue for longer vacations in the near future, hopefully.

Pro Feelings

You can do it all

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You can do it all, but not at once.
This is a piece of wisdom that I frequently go back to. The first time I heard it was probably from Oprah. Still, every time I hear it, it feels like news to me and like a soothing balm to my anxious yearnings.

The amazing Derek Sivers reminded me of it in his interview with Tim Ferriss. He said this is the advice he would give to his 30-year-old self. At that age we feel paralyzed by too many choices and the fear of choosing the wrong thing. What Derek says is just choose something, stick with it for a few years, then switch to something else.

I meet a lot of 30 year olds who are trying to pursue many different directions at once, but not making progress in any, right? Or they get frustrated that the world wants them to pick one thing because they want to do them all. I get a lot of this frustration like, “But I want to do this and that and this and that. Why do I have to choose? I don’t know what to choose.” But the problem is if you’re thinking short term, then you’re acting as if you don’t do them all this week that they won’t happen. But I think the solution is to think long term, to realize that you can do one of these things for a few years and then do another one for a few years and then another.
-Derek Sivers

A book I recommend that mentions this idea is Designing Your Life, the authors call it prototyping Odyssey plans. Here is an excerpt for you.

We’re going to ask you to imagine and write up three different versions of the next five years of your life. We call these Odyssey Plans.

Life One—That Thing You Do. Your first plan is centered on what you’ve already got in mind—either your current life expanded forward or that hot idea you’ve been nursing for some time. This is the idea you already have—it’s a good one and it deserves attention in this exercise.

Life Two—That Thing You’d Do If Thing One Were Suddenly Gone. It happens. Some kinds of work come to an end. Almost no one makes buggy whips or Internet browsers anymore. The former are out of date and the latter are given away free with your operating system, so buggy whips and browsers don’t make for hot careers. Just imagine that your life one idea is suddenly over or no longer an option. What would you do? You can’t not make a living. You can’t do nothing. What would you do? If you’re like most people we talk with, when you really force your imagination to believe that you have to make a living doing something other than doing That Thing You Do, you’ll come up with something.

Life Three—The Thing You’d Do or the Life You’d Live If Money or Image Were No Object. If you knew you could make a decent living at it and you knew no one would laugh at you or think less of you for doing it—what would you do? We’re not saying you suddenly can make a living doing this and we can’t promise no one will laugh (though they rarely do), but we are saying imagining this alternative can be a very useful part of your life design exploration.
-Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life

I’ve never done this exercise before but maybe it’s time I do.

You can do it all

Fear encore

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Last week I watched Seth Godin in a LIVE Q&A session where someone asked him what to do about fear of failing in their new small business. Seth answered beautifully (and I am paraphrasing) to write down the worst case scenario if they go for it and how they can be prepared if it does, and to also write the best case scenario. Then, Seth said that both scenarios probably wouldn’t happen, but now we are better prepared if they do. Back to work.

This is the same advice that Tim Ferriss gave in his TED talk encouraging us to set fears instead of goals.

You can do Tim Ferris’s fear-setting exercise here and read more about it in this amazing article he wrote

One last thing, I would like you to notice with me how yesterday’s post and today’s are basically telling us the same thing: WRITE down your fears. Unless you face them and see what they are trying to say; you would remain paralyzed.

Fear encore

Fear

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I was attending one of Jon Acuff’s events that he was doing for the launch of his great new book Soundtracks that I am currently enjoying in his voice. One of the attendees asked him how to overcome fear of doing something new. He answered so eloquently that the question itself is defective. We never actually overcome fear, fear will always be there, but the real question is: how do we do move forward through fear? How do we do something while still being scared?

One prominent answer that comes to mind is Elizabeth Gilbert’s advice to talk to your fear and tell it that it may come for the ride, but it may never drive.

Read on.

In a podcast interview she said:

“You, fear, are part of this family and you have a place here and you’re just as much a part of the family as creativity is. You’re just as much part of the family as longing and all the other human emotions. I will never tell you to leave. You get to be in the minivan with the rest of the family. I just can’t let you drive because you’re seven years old. You’re too little. You’re not allowed to drive. You can be with us, but you’re going to have to sit in the back with the other kids: anxiety, panic, terror, all of them.”
-Elizabeth Gilbert

In her book Big Magic she said:

“It isn’t always comfortable or easy—carrying your fear around with you on your great and ambitious road trip—but it’s always worth it, because if you can’t learn to travel comfortably alongside your fear, then you’ll never be able to go anywhere interesting or do anything interesting. And that would be a pity, because your life is short and rare and amazing and miraculous, and you want to do really interesting things and make really interesting things while you’re still here.”
-Elizabeth Gilbert

Liz also recommends writing a letter to fear :

When I’m feeling particularly shaky and unsure of myself. I give my fear a chance to express itself, formally, in writing. I ask my fear, “What are you actually terrified about, in this situation?”
And I make an effort of listening, with respect.
(It’s amazing how seldom we do this — listen to our fear, with respect. We’re always trying to punch it in the face, or kick its ass, or run away from it. But we seldom let it speak.)
I’m always amazed by what comes up. Often, I think I know what I’m afraid of, but when my fear is given a chance to actually speak, I’m surprised at what the real issue is.
The other thing I keep learning, when I let my fear have a chance to make its case, is that my fear is not (contrary to how it often feels) BOTTOMLESS.
Fear and anxiety can feel like they have infinite depths, like they are afraid of EVERYTHING, but usually they are just afraid of 2 or 3 very specific things, once you look closely.
And sometimes those 2 or 3 three things are pretty reasonable. Usually, the letter that my fear writes to me is quite short, and very precise.
And once I see what those 2 or 3 issues are, what I’m actually afraid of…well, now we can talk about it. Like adults. Like friends.
And that’s when I can write a letter back to fear, thanking it for its thoughts and contributions, but gently explaining what we are going to do now that all the information has been reported.
…
Your fear should always be allowed to have a voice, and a seat in the vehicle of your life. But whatever you do — don’t let your fear DRIVE.

Isn’t she brilliant!?

More about fear in the next post.

Fear