Month: February 2022

Senseless Waiting

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I’m waiting for a shipment to arrive from abroad.

I’ve checked the shipping application several times, even though experience taught me this app’s delivery estimates are never accurate. Yes, the application is good for telling me something is on the way and to pay for shipping charges, but that is about it.

Why am I still checking it?

It’s desire.

Once the shipment is here, I’ll open it in 10 seconds, admire it for 2 minutes, start using it a few days later, and then my life will change. Right?

Of course not.

That’s what my mind wants me to believe, though.

My mind wants me to live in the future where I own that item, and I feel better about my life. It wants me to escape the present, the ordinary, a bit dull, present. My mind nudges me to grab the phone, one more time, and open that useless application as if it can speed up that fantasy future.

Wanting is resisting the present, and I choose to love my life as it is now, shipment or not.

Senseless Waiting

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

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In the previous post, I shared why we quit our resolutions. In this post, I’ll help you start them or get them back on track.

Write the why of the resolution.

What would you gain by committing to it? How would you feel in a month, three months, six months, or a year? What changes will you or the people around you experience because of it?

More importantly, what would you lose if you didn’t pursue this resolution now? What’s at stake for you, your relationships, health, money, or career if you quit? 

Write your why. You will need it again in the future, trust me. Write as many reasons as you can and highlight the most important ones after. Those are the ones you connect with on a deep emotional level, not just intellectually. 

Read your why every few weeks as part of your monthly reviews. 

In his recent book, How to Begin, author Michael Bungay Stanier recommends using “For the sake of …” instead of “why”.

“I find “Why?” a pretty hard question to answer. I end up spouting sweeping, self-justifying generalizations that I don’t quite believe myself. A more nuanced way to reach the same destination is to see if I can complete this phrase that I add on to the Worthy Goal: “for the sake of…”. When I think of some of the Worthy Goals I’ve achieved, I’ve been able to offer up a strong answer to the question “Why?” For the End Malaria book I created and edited in 2011, it was “for the sake of saving lives” (it raised $400k for Malaria No More). 

Use habit trackers:

I’ve been using habit trackers since I started waking up early in 2016, and reading Atomic Habits confirmed that they are helpful in many ways, such as:

1. Habit trackers in the right place in your environment or on your favorite tracking apps make the habit trigger visible, so they remind you to do it.

I place my morning habits tracker on my desk and my evening habits tracker on my fridge in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time at home. 

2. Habit trackers make the habit satisfying to complete every day: 

Until we start feeling and seeing changes in our lives due to the new positive habits, tracking a habit by crossing off each day we commit it to makes it satisfying in itself. It reinforces our new identity as the kind of people (healthy, mindful spender, good parent) who do this kind of habit (walk, monitor expenses, read books to kids). We see our progress on the tracker even if we still don’t see the results in our lives. 

Use Personal Metrics:

If you don’t want to use the chain method to track your habits, develop personal metrics as suggested by the author Cal Newport. A personal metric is a number you want to track and record every day, like the number of steps you walk, the number of hours you spend on social media or the number of water glasses you have. Add it to your daily reminders and agenda and include it in your reviews.

Join or create a group:

Join a group that is already committed to the habit, or start your habit group for interested people. Groups sharing the same goal make it more attractive, and the accountability of members significantly increases. We also love to belong in groups; it’s in our DNA. 

Announce your new habit.

Another way of creating accountability is announcing your new habit and sharing your progress with a circle of your choice. It could be a family WhatsApp group or the stories on social media. Studies proved that sharing your implementation intentions increases the chances of follow-through.  

Make your habit flexible:

You can combat perfectionism using the MTO method that Tanya Dalton shares in her book, On Purpose:

“MTO METHOD: Set a Minimum, a Target, and an Outrageous measurement for yourself. Example: Each month I will save a minimum of $75, but I will target saving $100. If possible, I will save the outrageous amount of $150 dollars.”

This technique reminds you that life happens. We will break our chains and forget about our personal metrics and whys. We need to prepare for those challenges by making our habits flexible off the bat. You show up with your minimum in those days. You already planned for them. And you perform outrageously wonderful in those better weeks you are also bound to have.

Which technique(s) is your favorite? Which will you use?

How to get back on track with your New Year’s resolutions?

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

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It’s February, and this is when studies say 80% of people quit their New Year’s Resolutions. I wrote this post to help you be in the 20%.

We have three main challenges when it comes to sticking to resolutions.

The Future Self Problem:

The future self problem has been discovered by professor Hal Hershfield through MRI studies of the human brain, which showed that certain areas in the human brain get activated when you think of your current self; however, when you think of a celebrity whom you like but have never met; other brain areas get activated. Interestingly, those same areas light up when you think of yourself in 10 years. We see our future selves as people we’re familiar with and like, but strangers, nevertheless, whom we don’t know or even genuinely care about.

The Temporal Discounting Problem:

The human brain has evolved to prefer instant rewards over future ones as a survival mechanism that served our ancestors well in the wilderness. We learned to place a higher value on the present, so we discount the value and importance of the future. That’s why we stay up late and regret it the second day. The current night self ignores the morning self, putting it in trouble.

These two challenges become prominent when it comes to habits. We keep on making unhealthy choices because the rewards are instantaneous; we feel the dopamine in our bodies when we have a piece of cake or join a group for a cigarette outside. However, the consequences of negative habits are delayed; they happen to someone we don’t care about, our future lookalike. On the other hand, as James Clear explains in Atomic Habits, positive habits are a bit painful in the present; they require us to stretch those muscles, withhold spending money, or experience some discomfort. In contrast, their advantages to our overall well-being are delayed. Accordingly, not seeing the immediate positive impact of new habits, by February, for example, makes us quit our New Year’s resolutions too soon.

Perfectionism:

We quit because we demand of ourselves a 100% that nobody asked of us. We can not tolerate 80% or 60%. It’s the very familiar all-or-nothing mindset, the 100% or 0%, as Jon Acuff shares in Finish. We often think if we hadn’t committed well so far today, or this week, or this month, we might as well forget about the whole thing. We self-sabotage, thereby dismissing any little progress we made. And that’s a trap that we can easily fall into if we are not paying attention.

What should we do to overcome these hurdles?

That’s my post for tomorrow.

Why do we quit New Year’s Resolutions?

What reminders do you keep visible?

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I love goals cards that I recommend creating to keep your goals visible throughout the year. I also keep my Word of the Year and affirmations written on cards in front of me. I actually have one affirmations card for work, right below my computer screen, and another one for my personal life which I keep at my home office. Some people keep a copy of their vision boards on their mirrors or their closet’s door or enjoy positive post-it reminders scattered around the places they hang out most. I keep the steps of my check-in and check-out work rituals stuck to the left side of my screen to read them and make sure I cover all steps for better workdays.

The thing with these visual reminders, however, is that they fade to serve their purpose with time; we get so used to seeing them every day that they blend into the furniture. So, we stop reading them, even subconsciously, dare I say. Or the ink literllay fades.

What to do instead?

Keep your goals and words and affirmations visible; that’s key, but change them up to stay connected to them. Now and then, relocate them, rewrite them in different colors, or use another color of post-its. Do what you need to help your brain re-notice them.

At the beginning of each new quarter this year, I will rewrite my annual work goals, my affirmations, and of course, write my updated personal goals for the new quarter.

Today, I am ready to rewrite my check-in and check-out work routines that have been there for months, and I plan to renew them in the second half of the year. I think that should do it.

What about you?

What important reminders do you keep visible in your environment?

What reminders do you keep visible?

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

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I wish I would remember this question right when challenging situations arise in my life, not after them.

This question transfers us almost instantly to an elevated state of being. It re-orders consequences and gives us perspective. It shines a spotlight on the ripple effect of a yes, a no, or an outburst.

Asking this question brings forth the more powerful, rational, and empowered version of ourselves. We ask that best version or Self with big s to take over. We ask the Self to protect us from falling into the temptations of immaturity, impulsivity, and immediate gratification.

We need to remember that we have that Self inside of us at all times. We can call upon it using powerful questions like this one.

For good measure, I would add a little prayer, too.

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

No Cinderella Writing

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After I arrived early to work today, I had my daily friendly chit-chat with the one other early co-worker, filled my water bottle, lit up my cinnamon candle (still going strong since Christmas), got out my new eyeglasses, and opened up my daily and weekly planners. Then, I set my beautiful timer for 30 minutes to write and publish this post.

It’s February 1st, and just like last year, I’m starting the habit of writing frequently here. Notice that I didn’t say daily, although I really really want to write daily, like Seth and Rohan; however, reviewing last year showed me that writing on weekends did not work. I got frustrated every time I forgot about it then acted all Cinderella when I sat at my desk at 11:30 PM trying to ship a post before midnight. I forgot simply because the trigger of the habit of writing was not there. The trigger is arriving early to an empty office to finish my post before everybody comes.

This year I’m publishing four posts a week from Monday to Thursday (the workdays in my part of the world), and I’m taking a break on Fridays and Saturdays. Sunday’s writing session is reserved for my Sunday Spark newsletter.

I attempted to write some posts privately in January to keep the practice of writing and also prepare a queue to publish daily in February. Alas, I took a look at them now and noticed they were fewer than I remember and not that great.

The queue idea did not work so far. Ideally, my perfect self would write on weekends anyway to honor the writing habit and build up a queue for rainy writing days. I said ideally, so no commitment to this part for now.

Happy to be back in your inbox from Monday-Thursday! Subscribe to my newsletter to See me on Sundays too.

No Cinderella Writing