selfcare

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

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When someone calls me to say she’s been stuck in her goals lately, I first ask her: What season are you in?

But I also should ask: What chapter are you in?

Both words, chapter and season, translate the same to Arabic, which might confuse people I ask because when I say it in Arabic, it could be a weather season or a book chapter.

What I mean by this question is what life chapter you’re in.

Is it the chapter of a new job, a new baby, a new home, or a new country? Is it the chapter of in-between jobs, in-between countries, in-between homes, or the chapter of ordinary-nothing-new life? Could it be the chapter of grief or a sick partner or parent?

These life chapters affect the kind of goals you can achieve.

Sometimes, we set our goals according to the chapter we just left as if nothing changed, so our plans no longer work.

Sometimes, we treat new chapters as if they did not happen and still expect the same from ourselves, or worse, we beat ourselves up if we do not achieve the desired results.

Seasons, on the other hand, are different; seasons are cyclical, which means each season will end soon, followed by the other.

At companies, there is the closing of the annual targets season, the objectives and performance reviews season, and the new launches season, among others.

Creatively, I go through seasons of introspection, deep reflection, and writing in my morning pages, then seasons of massive creative output.
For example, last year, I wrote about writing in seasons, which works perfectly for me because it felt like the permission slip I needed to give myself.

I adapted my creative output to mother nature’s cycle and my social and family life seasons. I don’t create workshops or launch courses in the summer; I spend time with my family. Believe me, I tried and learned the hard way that taking courses in summer doesn’t work for my life and probably the same for my target audience. Back-to-school season, however, means back to goals. As Jon Acuff says, September is the slingshot month of the year, just like January.

Physically, I try to adapt my work tasks according to my internal seasons based on my menstrual cycle because I have seen the impact of listening to my body on my life in the past few years. For example, tracking my cycle, helps me define the type of tasks that will feel easier for me each week; if I were in my internal fall season (premenstrual), then editing, analysis, finishing, following up, closing open loops, and decluttering would be ideal tasks.

All these reflections were sparked from listening to an excellent podcast episode by Peter and Jen about chapters where Peter mentioned he is in the chapter of (new dad) and feels it has impacted everything he thinks about. They highlighted that it’s good to remember that chapters end if you’re in the thick of a challenging one and to appreciate the people who are still with you as you close and open life chapters.

Always check whether your ambitious goals make sense for your life chapter and season, and plan accordingly.

It is an act of self-love.

Which chapter/season are you in?

Chapters, Seasons and Goals

A Self-Compassion Example

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It was a Saturday, I woke up feeling already overwhelmed by the back to back errands that all needed to get done that day. I felt I did not want to wake up. I felt that I wanted to hide under the bedsheets. I felt resistance, and even regret, due to committing to all this in one day because of a deadline the next day.

Then, I started to talk to myself gently. I put my hand on my heart and patted softly saying “It’s alright sweetheart, you can do this, it’s okay.” It really felt good. Just like we calm our children when they are having a hard time coping, we still have this inner child that stomps her feet whenever she feels too tired or not in the mood to go on. I observed my resistance and nurtured myself back to adulthood that morning.

I did not realize I even practiced self-compassion just like I learned in the book Radical Compassion until later in the day, this book got to me and I put it into action when the need arose. It is such a good book, and self-compassion never felt more clear to me than when I read this book. Give it a try.

A Self-Compassion Example

Magic and Energy

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A good night sleep, a rested body, a healthy gut and an alert mind, are some of the natural things that most of us enjoy every day but take for granted. When they go missing, however, we lose our magic.

We don’t have enough energy to process data or people. We find it hard to avoid road rage caused by a reckless driver who cut in front of us. We get edgy with our boss for making a very reasonable request. We feel needy when a loved one does not answer right away. We more than dislike online schooling and any newly assigned homework like the plague. We seek food for comfort that can’t be grasped. Our attempt to save our energy turn us into whiny selfish human beings. We feel like we lost the capacity for kindness or understanding. We take things personally.

This happens when you miss a good night sleep or two.

Imagine this state expanding over days and weeks. This turns into burnout. No time for self-care turns us into exhausted cynics. We feel we can’t make a difference and the light of hope dims in our eyes.

If you feel that what I described is how you feel most days, I am here to tell you 2 things. First, you are not alone and second, given your circumstances, it is still not natural to feel this way, no matter what others tell you.

You are meant to thrive. You are meant to feel hopeful. You are meant to feel your goodness and extend it to others.

Name it to tame it. This is burnout, and it happens when you put aside your needs and take care of the needs and demands of others for too long. It is not sustainable. You need to take care of you first before taking care of others.

Start your healing by asking yourself what are you depriving yourself of? And whose opinion are you depriving yourself for?

You need a break to just be, to give your soul some space to breathe unrushed, so that your body could restore the energy it lost.

Your magic will return when your energy returns. You and your world deserve you at your best.

We need your magic. Take care of you.

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Blog Post title inspired by this.

Magic and Energy

Seed Cycling

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I have shared the below recipe with more women than I can remember since I first read it in the eye-opening book Period Power by Maisie Hill which demystified the impact of hormones on my body and helped me honor it and respect its power. This is the seed cycling recipe to manage our hormones during the menstrual cycle. It helped me regulate my own cycle and minimize some physical and emotional symptoms I have before every period and also improve the health of my hair and the strength and length of my nails. Share this with all the women you know and start now.

“In the follicular phase of your cycle (days 1–14 of a 28-day cycle), or from new moon to full moon if you’re not currently menstruating, eat 2–4 tbsps of both ground flax seeds and pumpkin seeds per day to gently and naturally increase oestrogen levels. Pumpkin seeds are high in zinc which supports progesterone production and release in the second phase of your cycle.

In the luteal phase of your cycle (days 15–28), or from full moon to dark moon, eat 2–4 tbsps of both sesame seeds and sunflower seeds per day. The zinc in sesame seeds and the vitamin E in sunflower seeds both help stimulate the production of progesterone. The lignans in sesame seeds help to block excess oestrogen, and sunflower seeds provide selenium which assists the liver in its detoxification role and improve overall hormonal health.”

“Buy whole organic seeds and use a coffee or spice grinder to get a powder which you can add to porridge, soups, salads and smoothies. Or just eat them whole if you prefer. You can grind enough for the week ahead and store them in the freezer. Stay clear of pre-ground seeds as they oxidise rapidly and go rancid. You might experience a change in your cycle within the first month of seed cycling, but it usually takes 3–4 cycles to see a noticeable difference because that’s how long it takes for a follicle to mature and be released at ovulation.”

Source: Period Power: Harness Your Hormones and Get Your Cycle Working For You by Maisie Hill

Seed Cycling