Twenty-Five Words To Conquer Thieves of Time

I listened to author Juliet Funt as she summarized the big ideas from her book A Minute To Think: Reclaim Creativity, Conquer Busynss and Do Your Best Work on the Next Big Idea app, and this part resonated:

“There are four key drivers that cause companies, teams, and human beings to become overloaded. They are actually all assets that simply overgrow. We call them the Thieves of Time: drive, excellence, information, and activity. Despite being positive and helpful in their basic nature, these forces are also the biggest reason that white space disappears.

When taken to extremes, the Thieves of Time become corrupted:

  • Drive becomes overdrive. 
  • Excellence becomes perfectionism. 
  • Information becomes information overload. 
  • Activity becomes downright frenzy. 

Our job is to notice which one or ones tend to carry us away, and then reclaim control of that process. We want them to serve us.

We need a tool that will directly disarm them. That reductive tool is Simplification Questions. They are twenty-five words that I use just about every week, and each question maps back to one of the Thieves’ risks and becomes its remedy:

  • Drive: Is there anything I can let go of?
  • Excellence: Where is “good enough,” good enough?
  • Information: What do I truly need to know?
  • Activity: What deserves my attention?

Each person finds resonance with a different question and that’s their charm. We’re drawn to the ones we need most. The questions can be used at the individual level or at the team and organizational level. They endlessly and nimbly allow us to amplify the best by removing the rest.”

Twenty-Five Words To Conquer Thieves of Time

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

I wish I would remember this question right when challenging situations arise in my life, not after them.

This question transfers us almost instantly to an elevated state of being. It re-orders consequences and gives us perspective. It shines a spotlight on the ripple effect of a yes, a no, or an outburst.

Asking this question brings forth the more powerful, rational, and empowered version of ourselves. We ask that best version or Self with big s to take over. We ask the Self to protect us from falling into the temptations of immaturity, impulsivity, and immediate gratification.

We need to remember that we have that Self inside of us at all times. We can call upon it using powerful questions like this one.

For good measure, I would add a little prayer, too.

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

What are you missing by choosing to worry?

When I think about my upcoming week and how my evenings will also be all about working with my 3rd grader on her 2nd monthly assessments, I get discouraged and feel I want to skip right to Thursday, my easiest evening.

Then I remind myself of question #6 from 12 (Stoic) Questions That Will Change Your Life by Ryan Holiday, which says:

“What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid?”

The answer is, I am missing the fact that she still depends on me for her school work and that it’s going to be sooner than I expect when she would tell me, “I got it, mum, thank you”. I am missing the chance to feel how amazing that I am managing my job and Amman’s crazy traffic to be home on time for her and get our heads together to focus on the task at hand.

I also think about question 10:

“Does this actually matter?”

And my answer is that in the big picture, this doesn’t matter. Yes, I have 1 or 2 weeks of full evenings every few weeks; but as long we are recovering after, we are going to be just fine. I’ll take it one evening at a time.

I am also reminding myself that we had more fun than usual this weekend and we chose to study less than our normal dose. Having fun matters, and it made the weekend feel nicely longer.

Parents with older kids, I can guess what you’re thinking: “Wait till grade X then start talking”. Well, this is where I am right now and this is how I am coping.

I hope these questions will help you feel better too. Let’s take this one day at a time, which happens to be the title of a cool comedy on Netflix.

Note: this post appeared first in my weekly newsletter The Sunday Spark, sign up here.

What are you missing by choosing to worry?

The Perfect Habits Question

Peter Shepherd reminded me of a question I learned in Atomic Habits:

“Is what you are doing today getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow?”

The answer is an astounding YES when I think about some habits I have:

-Exercising today: Health & Vibrancy tomorrow.
-Meditation today: Mindfulness tomorrow.
-Journaling today: Clarity tomorrow.
-Creating (videos, podcast, blog posts) today- Legacy tomorrow.
-Story time with kids today: Memories and love of reading for the kids tomorrow.
-Skincare today: glowing skin tomorrow.
-Checking on family today: Closer bonds tomorrow.

On the other hand, there are habits I have that will affect me negatively on the long term and will not get me closer to where I want to be tomorrow, so I need to work on them. For example:

-Not saving money today: no peace of mind tomorrow

Such a good question.

The Perfect Habits Question

RAIN ON ME

It IS going to happen.

One minute you are in the “yes, oh my God, life is amazing” zone, the next minute you are not.

You might be able to recognize the trigger that caused you to leave that sweet zone, or you just can’t put your finger on it, not right away.

You keep asking: “Why am I not there anymore? Is it the cold/hot/windy/rainy/whatever weather, is it the not enough/too many hours I slept, a morning routine step I missed? A shift in my hormone levels? What happened? And why is their behavior irritating me again?

Better questions I am learning from Tara Brach follow the RAIN acronym, from her book Radical Compassion:

Continue reading “RAIN ON ME”
RAIN ON ME

JOY

When an idea presents itself to me more than once in a couple of days, my ears perk up, and I listen. This time, it seems I need to take care more care of being aware of and creating JOY in my life.

Here are the passages that presented themselves to me from three different sources in less than 24 hours:

We can make joy and gratitude a daily habit and standard simply by measuring how often we cultivate such emotions. Several times each day we can assess our success by asking, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much joy and gratitude am I bringing to this moment?
There is power in this wording. We are not asking how much joy and gratitude we are
experiencing in the moment, as if we are somehow entitled to such high emotions. We are demanding personal responsibility—how much am I bringing?
-Brendon Burchard, The Motivation Manifesto

Choose joy. Choose it like a child chooses the shoe to put on the right foot, the crayon to paint a sky. Choose it at first consciously, effortfully, pressing against the weight of a world heavy with reasons for sorrow, restless with need for action. Feel the sorrow, take the action, but keep pressing the weight of joy against it all, until it becomes mindless, automated, like gravity pulling the stream down its course; until it becomes an inner law of nature. If Viktor Frankl can exclaim “yes to life, in spite of everything!” — and what an everything he lived through — then so can any one of us amid the rubble of our plans, so trifling by comparison. Joy is not a function of a life free of friction and frustration, but a function of focus — an inner elevation by the fulcrum of choice. So often, it is a matter of attending to what Hermann Hesse called, as the world was about to come unworlded by its first global war, “the little joys”; so often, those are the slender threads of which we weave the lifeline that saves us.
-Maria Popova, Learnings from 14 Years of Brain Pickings.

Joy for human beings lies in proper human work. And proper human work consists in: acts of kindness to other human beings, disdain for the stirrings of the senses, identifying trustworthy impressions, and contemplating the natural order and all that happens in keeping with it.
– Marcus Aurelius.

This week, I will ask myself often: “how am I bringing joy to this moment?”
I wrote the word JOY in my weekly planner and listened to this amazing Joy song this morning to keep it alive in my heart and mind.

Choose Joy.

JOY

What do you want to be true?

What do you want to be true about your health?
What do you want to be true about your finances?
What do you want to be true about your spiritual life?
What do you want to be true about relationship with———?
What do you want to be true about your home?
What do you want to be true about your career?
What do you want to be about your knowledge?
What do you want to be true about your impact on others?

I loved this goal-setting/habit-setting question I recently learned from the author Jon Acuff.

It’s a lot like the amazing question I learned from Atomic Habits:

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to be true?

Can you laugh about it?

When you notice your neurotic thinking and behavior, can you take back a few steps and watch it as something peculiar happening inside you? Can you disidentify with it as you the person and realize it is an experience you are simply having at this moment? Can you remember that this too shall pass? Can your observing self watch it with curiosity and wonder? Can you notice how these feelings are making your heart beat faster and your mind unfocused and your breath shallower? Can you look at this experience as yet another lesson in patience and self-acceptance in all your states? Can you take it lightly and not be so serious about it? Can you laugh at this particular human experience you’re having that is making you this uncomfortable? Can you let go of the thoughts that are keeping you hooked to this state and taking you away from being present? Can you breathe very slowly, watching your belly filling up with air with every inhale and deflating with exhale? Can you remember you are strong enough and went through harder times before, so you will be okay this time too? Can you repeat this sentence to yourself “May you be well my friend, may you be safe, may you live in joy and peace”* until you feel calmer?

Sure you can.

*Tibetan “lovingkindness” meditation mantra.

Can you laugh about it?

Spark Yourself

This is an excerpt from a wonderful book I read 4 years ago called book “How to Live a Good Life” by Jonathan Fields about a life quest the perplexes most people which is defining their passion and purpose. I learned from Jonathan and the author Elizabeth Gilbert and many others that we can only follow our curiosity as a guide to find things we enjoy doing with passion, so here it goes:


Time for you to spark yourself! What are the things that you want to invest time, energy, money, and effort to do, learn, or participate in more? Answer as many of the following questions as you can. Truth is, it’s often easier to have fewer sparks, because then you spend less time trying to decide which to devote time and effort to. You can still contribute to the world in a way that lights you up.

If you find yourself struggling to answer for present-day you, answer for 12-year-old you. Sometimes by the time we reach adulthood, our true sparks are buried so deep we have forgotten how to see them. Reconnecting with your inner 12-year-old, without regard to whether adult society holds your answers valid, can be a great place to start.

  • Am I curious about anything in particular?
  • Is there a big question I’d love to answer?
  • Is there a problem I feel compelled to solve?
  • Are there things that fascinate me? Is there a topic or field or thing or pursuit or even a person that I have a deep yearning to know more about?
  • Are there activities that I get lost in?
  • Are there things I love to do where I lose track of time and would pay to be able to do more?
  • Is there something I want to master? Is there an art or field or pursuit I’d love to be really good at, maybe even world-class great?
  • Is there some person or community or being I feel compelled to help? It doesn’t have to be human; it could be an animal, a plant, or even a planet.

Look at your answers, then ask how you might be able to weave more of the things that spark you into your days.


Note: Spark Yourself is the title of the chapter I took this excerpt from. I totally forgot how amazing this book was until Readwise app reminded me of it.

I love the word Spark which is why I named my weekly newsletter “The Sunday Spark”, subscribe to it and check the archive here.

Spark Yourself

What’s it for and Who’s it for?

I seek to improve the degree of clarity in my communications because no one likes to feel confused when they read or listen to something shared with them. Clarity in communication will serve me well in my relationships and also in my work like my podcast and future courses. It is a skill, like any other, that takes practice and requires asking for feedback and implementing small tweaks to improve it.

Two great questions I learned from Seth Godin are:

What is it for? Who is it for?

I can use these questions as filters before writing and sharing an email, a group text or an Instagram caption.

When we ask these questions we will be able to create a clear message that meets the purpose we want to accomplish. I sometimes cancel the whole idea of sending a message when I see that I am only interrupting someone’s day with it and not sharing or adding something valuable.

I invite you to try these questions too. They work super well when designing products and work presentations.

What’s it for and Who’s it for?