questions

Have You Watered The Forest?

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Have you watered the forest?

This will be my new relationships mantra! I loved it when I heard it mentioned by the author and podcaster Shane Parrish in his interview with Tim Ferris. He said he always asked himself this question to check if he’s making deposits into the key relationships in his life, his kids and his wife: 

Have you watered the forest enough, or would a little spark set it on fire?

If we nurture our relationships enough, if we water them with little acts of kindness and care, then little problems would stay that way, little, and not turn into big fires that wipe them out.

Best Relationship metaphor I have heard in a while. 

Watering relationship forests is not only about avoiding fires; it’s also about turning the leaves of the forest trees into lavish, luscious greens and growing resilient branches and deep roots that would withstand storms.

Reflecting on this, I also thought that we could say water the garden, but first, it’s not as cool as saying water the forest; second, watering forests is a better reminder because it is an act of God, so we think it will happen naturally, but that’s not how relationships work. We need to be intentional about growing our relationships. We need to make time for calls, texts, and getting together. It does not just happen.

Review your planned goals for this year and check how many are relationship-related. Only a few, if not at all, yes? Although many studies have proved that humans thrive on connection and nurturing relationships, we still do not act on this.

Let’s be wiser and let watering the forest be a goal for us this year.

Have You Watered The Forest?

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

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Use your feelings:

  • What would be a relief to get over with before the end of the year? 
  • What is something don’t you want to be talking about planning to do next year? Instead, you want to say it’s done!

Use joy and regret:

  • Joy: Yes! It would be great to get this done. 
  • Regret: I would regret not getting this done now!

Use the calendar:

  • Is there an event you want to be ready for?
  • Is there an externally-imposed deadline that you need to meet?  

If you listed several answers, let these questions help you prioritize :

  • Is there a sense of urgency, time-sensitive or otherwise?
  • Did you promise to do it? 
  • Are you expected to do it?
  • Is it required by your management? 
  • What is at stake if you don’t get it done? 

Tip: Replace (the end of the year) with the end of the week/month/quarter, your Birthday, Christmas, Ramadan, or trip. You get the picture. 

How to choose what to focus on before the end of the year?

What Would Make Today Great?

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This is a question in the morning section of the Five-Minute Journal -which I adore-that did not sit with me right when I first used it; because the answer, in my opinion, is always: me.

I used to think of the answer by looking over my day and what events I was expecting to happen, like receiving a shipment or a meeting going well. Then I shifted the way I read the question. I now ask myself every morning: How will I make today great?

It’s up to me to make today great.

I will make today great through my actions and attitude. Therefore, I answer this question with my intentions for the day such as being kind, leaving to/from work early, respecting my writing practice, and enjoying my time with my kids. Or I answer this question with my top three priorities for the day, or what the book Make Time calls “the highlight of the day”, which could be work-related like finishing a presentation or as simple as spending time with my husband.

So, yes, good things are about to happen today; YOU will make them happen.
New perspectives are going to emerge; YOU will start seeing differently.
Fantastic progress in your goals is actualizing; YOU finally realize progress is more important than perfection.

It is totally up to you.

You get to choose how you will show up today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life. Please, don’t let yesterday’s mistakes ever hold you back from starting over. Not giving yourself permission to start over is, in fact, self-punishment. You are not making amends by remaining stuck. Choose to forgive yourself and move on. Forgiving yourself means believing you are worthy despite your mistakes. You are worthy of new beginnings. No matter what your darkness is trying to tell you, believe in your light because that is who you truly are.

P.S: Happy March, subscribe to my newsletter here to get the Sunday Spark.

What Would Make Today Great?

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

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I wish I would remember this question right when challenging situations arise in my life, not after them.

This question transfers us almost instantly to an elevated state of being. It re-orders consequences and gives us perspective. It shines a spotlight on the ripple effect of a yes, a no, or an outburst.

Asking this question brings forth the more powerful, rational, and empowered version of ourselves. We ask that best version or Self with big s to take over. We ask the Self to protect us from falling into the temptations of immaturity, impulsivity, and immediate gratification.

We need to remember that we have that Self inside of us at all times. We can call upon it using powerful questions like this one.

For good measure, I would add a little prayer, too.

What Would the Best Version of You Do?

JOY

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When an idea presents itself to me more than once in a couple of days, my ears perk up, and I listen. This time, it seems I need to take care more care of being aware of and creating JOY in my life.

Here are the passages that presented themselves to me from three different sources in less than 24 hours:

“We can make joy and gratitude a daily habit and standard simply by measuring how often we cultivate such emotions. Several times each day we can assess our success by asking, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much joy and gratitude am I bringing to this moment?”
There is power in this wording. We are not asking how much joy and gratitude we are experiencing in the moment, as if we are somehow entitled to such high emotions. We are demanding personal responsibility—how much am I bringing?”
-Brendon Burchard, The Motivation Manifesto

“Choose joy. Choose it like a child chooses the shoe to put on the right foot, the crayon to paint a sky. Choose it at first consciously, effortfully, pressing against the weight of a world heavy with reasons for sorrow, restless with need for action. Feel the sorrow, take the action, but keep pressing the weight of joy against it all, until it becomes mindless, automated, like gravity pulling the stream down its course; until it becomes an inner law of nature. If Viktor Frankl can exclaim “yes to life, in spite of everything!” — and what an everything he lived through — then so can any one of us amid the rubble of our plans, so trifling by comparison. Joy is not a function of a life free of friction and frustration, but a function of focus — an inner elevation by the fulcrum of choice. So often, it is a matter of attending to what Hermann Hesse called, as the world was about to come unworlded by its first global war, “the little joys”; so often, those are the slender threads of which we weave the lifeline that saves us.”
-Maria Popova, Learnings from 14 Years of Brain Pickings.

“Joy for human beings lies in proper human work. And proper human work consists in: acts of kindness to other human beings, disdain for the stirrings of the senses, identifying trustworthy impressions, and contemplating the natural order and all that happens in keeping with it.”
– Marcus Aurelius.

This week, I will ask myself often: “how am I bringing joy to this moment?”
I wrote the word JOY in my weekly planner and listened to this amazing Joy song this morning to keep it alive in my heart and mind.

Choose Joy.

JOY

What do you want to be true?

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What do you want to be true about your health?
What do you want to be true about your finances?
What do you want to be true about your spiritual life?
What do you want to be true about relationship with———?
What do you want to be true about your home?
What do you want to be true about your career?
What do you want to be about your knowledge?
What do you want to be true about your impact on others?

I loved this goal-setting/habit-setting question I recently learned from the author Jon Acuff.

It’s a lot like the amazing question I learned from Atomic Habits:

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to be true?

Can you laugh about it?

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When you notice your neurotic thinking and behavior, can you take back a few steps and watch it as something peculiar happening inside you? Can you disidentify with it as you the person and realize it is an experience you are simply having at this moment? Can you remember that this too shall pass? Can your observing self watch it with curiosity and wonder? Can you notice how these feelings are making your heart beat faster and your mind unfocused and your breath shallower? Can you look at this experience as yet another lesson in patience and self-acceptance in all your states? Can you take it lightly and not be so serious about it? Can you laugh at this particular human experience you’re having that is making you this uncomfortable? Can you let go of the thoughts that are keeping you hooked to this state and taking you away from being present? Can you breathe very slowly, watching your belly filling up with air with every inhale and deflating with exhale? Can you remember you are strong enough and went through harder times before, so you will be okay this time too? Can you repeat this sentence to yourself “May you be well my friend, may you be safe, may you live in joy and peace”* until you feel calmer?

Sure you can.

*Tibetan “lovingkindness” meditation mantra.

Can you laugh about it?

Spark Yourself

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This is an excerpt from a wonderful book I read 4 years ago called book “How to Live a Good Life” by Jonathan Fields about a life quest the perplexes most people which is defining their passion and purpose. I learned from Jonathan and the author Elizabeth Gilbert and many others that we can only follow our curiosity as a guide to find things we enjoy doing with passion, so here it goes:

“Time for you to spark yourself! What are the things that you want to invest time, energy, money, and effort to do, learn, or participate in more? Answer as many of the following questions as you can. Truth is, it’s often easier to have fewer sparks, because then you spend less time trying to decide which to devote time and effort to. You can still contribute to the world in a way that lights you up.

If you find yourself struggling to answer for present-day you, answer for 12-year-old you. Sometimes by the time we reach adulthood, our true sparks are buried so deep we have forgotten how to see them. Reconnecting with your inner 12-year-old, without regard to whether adult society holds your answers valid, can be a great place to start.

  • Am I curious about anything in particular?
  • Is there a big question I’d love to answer?
  • Is there a problem I feel compelled to solve?
  • Are there things that fascinate me? Is there a topic or field or thing or pursuit or even a person that I have a deep yearning to know more about?
  • Are there activities that I get lost in?
  • Are there things I love to do where I lose track of time and would pay to be able to do more?
  • Is there something I want to master? Is there an art or field or pursuit I’d love to be really good at, maybe even world-class great?
  • Is there some person or community or being I feel compelled to help? It doesn’t have to be human; it could be an animal, a plant, or even a planet.

Look at your answers, then ask how you might be able to weave more of the things that spark you into your days.“

Note: Spark Yourself is the title of the chapter I took this excerpt from. I totally forgot how amazing this book was until Readwise app reminded me of it.

I love the word Spark which is why I named my weekly newsletter “The Sunday Spark”, subscribe to it and check the archive here.

Spark Yourself