As I was writing today’s date on my journal I thought about this amazing quote by Gretchen Rubin “September is the other January”. I read it in her book “Happier at Home” a few years ago and loved it ever since.
Gretchen Says:
“September marks the start of a new year, with the empty calendar and clean slate of the next school cycle. Even if you are no longer in school yourself, September nevertheless remains charged with possibility and renewal.”
I notice myself flourishing in the presence of some people. I make my best jokes, I feel light, I feel at ease, I feel understood, I feel at my best. I can count the number of those people on my hands. They are rare.
The question is, how can I be like this for others?
I remember an exercise we did a few years a go with a mentor where we were requested to practice listening more to the people in our lives. Whenever they struck up a conversation. We needed to listen attentively, hold back from switching the subject, and notice our urge to interrupt and talk about ourselves. If it’s the right time and place, we also needed to offer the space for them to continue their thought process, with as little probing as possible, until they figure out what they needed to do next all by themselves.
Being very similar to the exercise I mentioned in this post, it was such a hard experience to implement.
Try it and see firsthand the insights that will reveal themselves to you. Simply witnessing the urge to take the microphone and be under the spotlight is something totally worth catching.
If you get asked, answer shortly and then kick the ball back into their court. Make them the guru not you. Wonder what they could teach you. Listen with the purpose of learning something new about them and their worldview and maybe a useful fact or two. Be open and curious. Trust me, they will feel it and open up to you. They will feel you not rushing them so you’d take your turn to speak. For example, If my conversation partner tells me they are starting to wake up early and share their routine, I need to resist the urge to tell them I’ve been doing that since 2016 and have a whole thing around this habit.
It’s been a while since I practiced this, so it’s time I activated my listening muscle again. I think it grew weaker lately. Join me and let me know how it goes with you.
Keep the spotlight shining on them.
Have you had a fire-in-heart-setting conversation lately?
This was my experience yesterday when I met 9 members of the Sunrise Winners group I’ve been leading for a while to wake up early and build morning routines that will serve them to win their day. We spent more than 2 hours talking about our morning habits and what’s working for us versus what’s not. We gave each other action points to work on to fine tune our routines or move a goal we were trying to achieve, and we will use the group for accountability.
The best part about this meetup was having a genuine shared interest; to wake up early to take care of ourselves before taking care of our world, be it a family, school, a career or a side business. I left the meeting feeling a charge like no other. I told my own accountability partner about it, and she promised me she will often remind me this is one of my favorite activities to elevate my state and that connection with like-minded people pushes me forward.
This feeling reminded me of this post I wrote before.
I wish you such flames of high energy, dear reader.
It IS going to happen.
One minute you are in the “yes, oh my God, life is amazing” zone, the next minute you are not.
You might be able to recognize the trigger that caused you to leave that sweet zone, or you just can’t put your finger on it, not right away.
You keep asking: “Why am I not there anymore? Is it the cold/hot/windy/rainy/whatever weather, is it the not enough/too many hours I slept, a morning routine step I missed? A shift in my hormone levels? What happened? And why is their behavior irritating me again?”
Better questions I am learning from Tara Brach follow the RAIN acronym, from her book Radical Compassion:
Continue reading “RAIN ON ME”I loved this story from Tara Brach in her book Radical Compassion:
I like to tell students the story of a man who went to a mindfulness retreat because his therapist said he’d feel better if he learned to meditate. The retreat turned out to be a real roller coaster. Yes, there were moments of calm, but he also plunged deeply into fear, anger, and grief. The next time he saw his therapist, he told him he’d suffered horribly. “How could you have promised I’d feel better?” Nodding sagely, the therapist replied, “You are feeling better . . . you’re feeling your fear better, feeling your anger better, feeling your grief better!
Let’s keep practicing, shall we?
This morning, in my gratitude journal, I was thankful for many positive interactions I had this week that pushed me to keep going. Having people sending me thank you notes through Instagram and email for what I am doing and sharing is amazing. Knowing that my friend recommended my name for the training I was hired for is a blessing. Seeing the number of downloads of my podcast peaking to new records is encouraging.
We don’t get positive feedback on our life’s work every day. We shouldn’t wait for positive feedback to do what we already committed to do every day. We are professionals. We are also humans, and we will always want more, and that is a recipe for disappointment.
However, when this feedback does come in, we don’t take it for granted. We cherish it and hold it dear and keep it for the rainy days when we feel we can’t go forward. We write about it in our gratitude journals and smile about it.
More importantly, we keep working the next day.
This is an excerpt from a wonderful book I read 4 years ago called book “How to Live a Good Life” by Jonathan Fields about a life quest the perplexes most people which is defining their passion and purpose. I learned from Jonathan and the author Elizabeth Gilbert and many others that we can only follow our curiosity as a guide to find things we enjoy doing with passion, so here it goes:
“Time for you to spark yourself! What are the things that you want to invest time, energy, money, and effort to do, learn, or participate in more? Answer as many of the following questions as you can. Truth is, it’s often easier to have fewer sparks, because then you spend less time trying to decide which to devote time and effort to. You can still contribute to the world in a way that lights you up.
If you find yourself struggling to answer for present-day you, answer for 12-year-old you. Sometimes by the time we reach adulthood, our true sparks are buried so deep we have forgotten how to see them. Reconnecting with your inner 12-year-old, without regard to whether adult society holds your answers valid, can be a great place to start.
Look at your answers, then ask how you might be able to weave more of the things that spark you into your days.“
Note: Spark Yourself is the title of the chapter I took this excerpt from. I totally forgot how amazing this book was until Readwise app reminded me of it.
I love the word Spark which is why I named my weekly newsletter “The Sunday Spark”, subscribe to it and check the archive here.