happiness

Own Your Happiness

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This morning, I listened to a summary of one my favorite books on relationships on Blinkist: The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by don Miguel Ruiz. As I did, memories came rushing back, of a 10-year younger me on a 9-hour flight back home after the honeymoon, when I found this book on audio in the educational section of that tiny plane screen, and having watched a movie or two already, I started listening to it. 

I couldn’t miss the irony and the serendpity of listening to it as a bride, because this book told me that that my happiness was not in his hands, my oblivious sweet groom by my side. Can you imagine that? I found out, as we were about to start a new life together, that marrying my hudband did not mean giving him the responsibility of my happiness or its keys. No one can take such an essential role but me. 

I remember feeling a bit shocked because I was well on my way on the self-development track; however, the author presented the idea so eloquently that I genuinely got it for the first time. 

A few days later, I vividly remember cleaning and decorating my new home while continuing to listen to this book after I found it online. Its radical ideas impacted me significantly, although it took some time to believe them.

Own your happiness, my friend. You even become more attractive when you do. It is your responsibility. Your partner’s happiness is their responsibility. You come together to share your happiness, not create it.

That’s a relationship secret I wish more people would find out. 

Happy V-day!

Note: after finishing writing this post I felt it was too familiar, only to find I wrote a very simliar (better?) post about this story 9 months ago. Alas, my writing for the day is done so I am posting anway, and I am sure someone here needs to hear it today!

Own Your Happiness

Stop waiting

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Stop waiting for them to accept you, to embrace you, to be proud of you, to love you.

Do you understand that by waiting, you are giving up the responsibility of your own happiness over to them? Don’t you get that life is too short to put happiness off? It is too precious to wait for someone to change to feel good about yourself.

They have their own issues. They can’t give you the love the way you want them to. It’s about them not you or your worth. You are worthy one hundred percent. This is what they know. This is probably their best. Maybe they even do love you but their way is so far from what you need.

Accept them. Love them. Embrace them. Forgive them. Wish them well. Don’t expect too much from them. Never miss out on life by waiting for them.

You can be happy now.

Stop waiting

The Key to your happiness

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When my husband and I were on the 9-hour flight back from our far east honeymoon, I got tired of watching movies so I decided to listen to an audiobook. It was The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by Don Miguel Ruiz. It taught me that when we go into relationships, we usually give the key to our happiness to our new partners: “Here it is, it is now up to you. My happiness and misery are all in your hands.” But, that is the biggest lie we have believed based on the movies we watched and the fairytales we grew up reading. Nothing outside of us holds the key to our happiness. It’s too much of a responsibility, a burden even, to give to anyone.

Can you feel the irony of me learning about this as a new bride? The message was so loud and clear that it made me understand why it was so easy for me to get disappointed by my unrealistic and unmet expectations of what new husbands should and shouldn’t do. It was hard to hear, yet liberating.

The timing, in fact, always amazed me. It could not be any more perfect. This lesson was the wedding gift I needed to integrate as we were about to start our new life together.

The Key to your happiness

Fragrance of the Week

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If only we could gather in bottles those high energy elevated feelings of times when we are at our best, to spray some when we need them in tougher times, wouldn’t that be great?

Or, we could examine the components of our high energy state by asking what’s happening inside us and around us.

Here are the notes of my current fragrance:

  • The weather is warm and the sky is clear (I can’t control that).
  • I have just had beauty appointments for my hair and nails (I can control that, I have them monthly).
  • I have had a nice tan after a short pool-side vacation (with work and school’s commitments I can control that just a little).
  • I am in a good place hormonally, in the spring season of my period cycle (I can’t control that but I can keep having healthy seeds that regulate my hormones).
  • I am listening to amazing upbeat songs (I can control that).
  • I am working on something I love which makes me excited to come to work (I can control that).
  • I have shorter working hours during this month of Ramadan (A temporary condition that I am enjoying, and hope to control more in the future).
  • I am eating healthy food (I can control that).
  • I am doing my 4 rituals most days (I can control that).
  • I am anticipating official holidays to celebrate Easter and Eid (I can’t control that, but maybe I can get prepared for other upcoming official holidays and scatter more off days throughout the year).
  • I am reading and writing daily (I can control that).
  • I am having healthy digital habits overall (I can control that).
  • I am reading my affirmations almost daily (I can control that).
  • I am not taking myself too seriously and laughing more with my friends (I can control that).

Next time I want to feel this way I just need to look at what I can control out of this list and make it happen.

What is on your list?

Fragrance of the Week