I listened to a beautiful podcast episode about self-talk, where psychologist Ethan Kross shared that positive self-talk works better when addressing yourself in the third person or using “you” instead of “I,” according to his research. So, if your name is Tala, your self-talk should go like: “You got this, Tala” instead of “I got this.” This method is called distancing, and it works better for motivation.  

Also, we can try superhero self-talk. Kids can significantly benefit from this technique when performing a difficult task. They think of a favorite superhero character and then talk to themselves like this: “Super Tala, you got this; you did harder stuff than this; you can do it.” 

We might notice we are not kind in our self-talk after making a mistake, so here is the part where we need self-compassion practice. 

The one and only Kristin Neff joined the conversation with three steps to practice self-compassion, which, unlike what you would think, makes us more resilient and confident rather than lenient. 

1. Step 1: Mindfulness: I am having a hard time. This situation hurts. 
2. Step 2: Recognizing our shared humanity: I am not the only one experiencing a hard time. It’s part of being human. Other people feel just like me. I am not alone. 
3. Step 3: Kindness to oneself. Practicing kindness could be placing your hand on your heart and talking gently to yourself like you would a dear friend, and we go back here to self-talk best practices; “It’s ok, dear Tala. You will be ok.” 

I found this helpful episode this morning after having a hard time in extreme Monday morning traffic that added 30 minutes to my daily drive. I really wanted to blame someone for it, but mindfulness helped me notice the intensity of my anger. I kept practicing the psychological sigh: two breaths in through the nose and a long one out of the mouth until I felt better. 

As I listened, I noticed I was missing steps 2 and 3 from the self-compassion practice in my car this morning. Alas, I will use them next time.

Will you?