You are in resistance mode to your new reality.
You want out.
You want to sleep and wake up to a world with this new reality having vanished in thin air.You can’t believe this is how it going to be from now on. You don’t think you can take it. It’s too much to live in a world where this new reality happened. You wonder “Is it even OK to keep living normally now after this happened?”.

Everything reminds you of what you lost or about to lose. Your new reality. You try to escape it with denial. You act as if no new reality took place. But your body acts up with ugly habits, you eat too much or sleep too much or smoke too much. The dread is still there. The grieving. The regrets. They are not going away. You want to feel in control again, as if you ever were. You want yesterday back, before you knew what you know now. Before you made that decision that will cost you for years to come.

Then it hits you. You realize nothing you do will change what happened. This is your new world.

You still find it hard to go on. You need a new kind of strength you feel you don’t have.

So you look up or, if it makes you more comfortable, you look within, and ask for help.

You ask for help to wake up in the morning and function. You ask for help to be able to see things differently because you still can’t. You ask for help to remember there is so much good in the world to warm your heart of ice. You ask for help to remember you are loved and lovable no matter what mistakes you made. You ask for help to contribute again and give back to the beautiful people in your path.

You believe your call for help is received the instant it leaves your lips. You trust that help is on the way. You accept your new reality.