While Journaling this morning I noticed that during the recent 3-day family vacation I could easily play and act goofy with my kids.

One reason is their sweet age of 7 and 5, which means much less care-taking activities around the pool compared to previous years. During our stay, I looked at the toddlers’ pool with some admiration but more of a relief that I am skipping it along with the 10 visits to its bathroom.

Another reason I played more with them is not having the option of doing something else “more productive” around the house like laundry or cleaning. With my full-time job and occupied evenings of doing and submitting their homework I only get to play with them for a short time, but while playing I do not feel at ease, like I need to get going to the next thing on my list which might be their dinner or bedtime preparations.  Staying present in this case is a challenge for me and I know they could tell. However, this new-found awareness will help me start noticing the habitual, yet ignorable, unease during playtime. That’s what it is, an old habit of mine.

Another actionable insight I got is that I may need more help around the house, more than the current schedule of once-a-week visit by my mother’s helper, to be able to do other things like care-free play with the kids. True, this could be just an excuse I’m making for not playing more often. Or, based on how I felt in the last few days, it is exactly what I need.

Vacations are still a new dynamic for us as family. This change of routine and its impact on our relationships is why we need them.