It IS going to happen.
One minute you are in the “yes, oh my God, life is amazing” zone, the next minute you are not.
You might be able to recognize the trigger that caused you to leave that sweet zone, or you just can’t put your finger on it, not right away.
You keep asking: “Why am I not there anymore? Is it the cold/hot/windy/rainy/whatever weather, is it the not enough/too many hours I slept, a morning routine step I missed? A shift in my hormone levels? What happened? And why is their behavior irritating me again?”
Better questions I am learning from Tara Brach follow the RAIN acronym, from her book Radical Compassion:
R: Recognize What Is Happening.
As you reflect on this situation, ask yourself, “What is happening inside me right now?” What sensations are you most aware of? What emotions? Is your mind filled with churning thoughts? Take a moment to become aware of whatever is predominant, or the overall emotional tone of the situation.
A: Allow Life to Be Just as It Is.
Ask yourself: “Can I be with this? or Can I let this be?” Send a message to your heart to “let be” this entire experience. Find in yourself the willingness to pause and accept that in these moments “what is . . . is.” You can experiment with mentally whispering words like “yes,” “I consent,” or “let be.” You might find yourself saying yes to a huge inner “no,” to a body and mind painfully contracted in resistance. You might be saying yes to the part of you that is saying, “I hate this!” That’s a natural part of the process. At this point in RAIN, you are simply noticing what is true and intending not to judge, push away, or control anything you find.
I: Investigate with a Gentle, Curious Attention
Bring an interested and kind attention to your experience. Some of the following questions may be helpful. Feel free to experiment with them, varying the sequence and content.
What is the worst part of this; what most wants my attention?
What is the most difficult/painful thing I am believing?
What emotions does this bring up (fear, anger, grief)?
Where are my feelings about this strongest in my body? (Note: It’s helpful to scan the throat, chest, and belly.)
What are the feelings like (that is, the felt sense or sensations, such as clenched, raw, hot)?
When I assume the facial expression and body posture that best reflect these feelings and emotions, what do I notice?
Are these feelings familiar, something I’ve experienced earlier in my life?
If the most vulnerable hurting part of me could communicate, what would it express (words, feelings, images)?
How does this part want me to be with it?
What does this part most need (from me or from some larger source of love and wisdom)?
N: Nurture with Loving Presence.
As you sense what is needed, what is your natural response? Calling on the most wise and compassionate part of your being, you might offer yourself a loving message or send a tender embrace inward. You might gently place your hand on your heart. You might visualize a young part of you surrounded in soft, luminous light. You might imagine someone you trust—a parent or pet, a teacher or spiritual figure—holding you with love. Feel free to experiment with ways of befriending your inner life—whether through words or touch, images or energy. Discover what best allows you to feel nurturing, what best allows the part of you that is most vulnerable to feel loved, seen, and/or safe. Spend as much time as you need, offering care inwardly and letting it be received.
I am enjoying this book so much as you can tell, grab yourself a copy soon.